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Do you say "Good Job" ?

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:44 PM
  • 76 Replies

Recently I've had some facebook friends like pages about how telling your kids "Good Job" could ruin their lives. From what I understand, it is said to be bad because it manipulates children and makes them dependant on praise from you.

Here's a website I found that gives an explanation.

http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

Do you agree? Do you tell your children "Good job!" when they've done something good?

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
samomama
by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:12 PM
2 moms liked this

I have come accross some of these discussions, and honestly, I don't completely get it. I do say good job to my kid, but I don't say it 10 times a day either. When he does something significant, I sure say "good job". Some suggest it is better to be more specific and instead of "good job" say for example "I really like how you did that". Again, I don't see a big difference. Every parent knows their child best and should follow their feeling of how much prise their kid needs. That is just my opinion.

Hi_Rae
by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Yes. For example he has recently started potty training and I tell him "good job", "I'm so proud of you" etc.
preacherskid
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:23 PM

I disagree.  In college we spent a lot of time on motivating people, in none of the classes was there a theory that you neither praise nor criticise to some degree.  People, especially children, want to feel noticed, and I personally appreciate being told not only when I have done well but when I need to improve, and I follow that pattern with our girls- if they do well at something, say ODD clears the table without being asked, I will thank her or tell her she did well.  Likewise if she fails to do as asked or behaves inappropriately, I let her know and givve her suggestions on how to do better next time.  For me it is about balancing the praise with constructive comments- I can see if a kid gets nothing but praise being negatively affected by it, or if they get nothing but criticism being negatively affected.  I know they are only four and two, but my girls seem to be pretty confident, and I was actually raised with praise and criticism, and I am confident in my abilities.

Edit- the college classes were for business, so motivating people to perform at their best was a major focus.

cc5112
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:57 PM

I do say that to my son. I probably should mix it up with other praise phrases... :/

Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:04 PM
1 mom liked this

 i scanned it but i think it's an insane argument.  telling your child "good job" after a job well done does not make them dependent on the praise.  they had to do the work to get it, afterall.  telling them good job after a lazy job or hardly any effort does a disservice, IMO.  I don't do that.

The nature of the beast is to be encouraged to work harder when a carrot is dangled.  You wouldn't work your butt off at your job if you knew you were never going to be appreciated or get a raise, would you?  Same thing.  I don't ever bribe my kids to do what is necessary in life but I will certainly acknowledge THEIR hard work when they accomplish something.

Zazayam
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:09 PM

I agree with all of this :)

Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

 i didn't read it but i think it's an insane argument.  telling your child "good job" after a job well done does not make them dependent on the praise.  they had to do the work to get it, afterall.  telling them good job after a lazy job or hardly any effort does a disservice, IMO.  I don't do that.

The nature of the beast is to be encouraged to work harder when a carrot is dangled.  You wouldn't work your butt off at your job if you knew you were never going to be appreciated or get a raise, would you?  Same thing.  I don't ever bribe my kids to do what is necessary in life but I will certainly acknowledge THEIR hard work when they accomplish something.


debramommyof4
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 No.  I give my children constructive criticism and tell them they did good when they do good.  I see no problem with it.

Butterfly_xo
by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:57 PM

I do tell my son "good job" (: 

.Angelica.
by Angie on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:19 PM
2 moms liked this
I believe the number one reason people are unhappy, or quit their job, Is not being appreciated.

I think its silly. When I kids do something worthy of praise, I praise them. Often it is with "good job"

I believe it is in our nature to want praise and for our hard work to be acknowledged.


Quoting Luvmy2babies22:

 i scanned it but i think it's an insane argument.  telling your child "good job" after a job well done does not make them dependent on the praise.  they had to do the work to get it, afterall.  telling them good job after a lazy job or hardly any effort does a disservice, IMO.  I don't do that.


The nature of the beast is to be encouraged to work harder when a carrot is dangled.  You wouldn't work your butt off at your job if you knew you were never going to be appreciated or get a raise, would you?  Same thing.  I don't ever bribe my kids to do what is necessary in life but I will certainly acknowledge THEIR hard work when they accomplish something.

kajira
by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:24 PM

I don't get it. I tell my daughter good job on stuff ALL The time and it makes her more confident. she's fully potty trained and has been since 2.5 - we started off saying good job and doing potty dances... now she goes and says she went potty like a big girl! And is all proud and I always tell her good job, no matter how goofy it is. Because for her, it's a good job! I'm proud of her and I have no problems letting her know. I don't see why giving positive reinforcement ruins a child.

I think what hurts a child is giving them an unrealistic sense of self - praising them for things you notice, or appreciate, or that THEY are proud of, doesn't set them up to fail.

Making them think they can climb a mountain when they have asthma so bad it might kill them, is probably setting them up for unreasonable expectations. I'm all for being reasonable, and liberal with my thoughts and feelings.

I have a special needs kids and he needs constant reinforcement for the right behaviors, it's very taxing to do, but I need to see the positive behaviors continue and it's HARD for him to do that, so his level of earning a good job - is lower than what i'd probably expect of my daughter when she's older.

My daughter usually wants praise for doing new things, or doing things she doesn't like doing. Like me washing her hair, i always tell her she did a good job for letting me handle it with out a fuss. I don't think i'm reinforcing negative behaviors, I think i'm acknowledging the behaviors I want, and reinfocing them.

As they get older, I'll expect more before praise. Even my special needs son - once he's done something for a while, I'll have higher expectations before I start dishing out praise.... It's the way the world works.. you know?

My motto is "you have to earn it." - so if my kids do something that deserves acknowledgement, I acknowledge it.

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