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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Rant About FIL's Prayer Request For Us!

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 2:09 PM
  • 18 Replies

My FIL and BIL do not agree with my husband's and my parenting skills.  He thinks we are too relaxed with them.  Mostly because we do not spank our 1.5 year old and our 3 year old doesn't do exactly what we ask her to do the first time we ask her to do it 100% of the time.

So today when we were bringing in the New Year we were giving our hopes and prayer requests for 2014.  It gets to be his turn and he has 5 things.  On the last thing he says,

"And finally, I'd like to pray for <my husband's name> and <my name> and their parenting skills.  May we all be able to speak into their lives and help them train up their children in a Godly fashion."


Okay, okay, before you start with the "that's not a bad request."  We are one of five of my FIL's children who have children.  It's not that he is praying for ALL his grandchildren to be raised by ALL of his children in a good way.  He just wants to make sure WE START doing so.  Of his children he only has two of eight that attend a weekly church meeting (or a church meeting yearly).  So we are the only ones that routinely bring The Lord to our children (just in case you were curious why "Godly fashion" wasn't specifically to counter any ritualistic goat slaughtering or whatever).  This prayer request is on top of numerous "pointers" he's given us and countless "direction" he's given to my husband and myself.


My husband doesn't agree with how his father wants us to discipline our children.  He has asked me not to "disrespect him" by doing what I'd normally do, which is directly confront him and put him in his place.  My husband is not confrontational and so has not directly headed this off.  At this point I've asked my husband to direct his father and his brother (only one of them "help direct our parenting") to give all their "helpful hints" to him and to never speak to me about my children and our parenting skills again.


I'm ready to blow my top. 

by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 2:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kathy489
by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would avoid that group as often as possible. I see your husband's point in not wanting to be confrontational, and I also see yours in wanting to put him in his place. Avoiding the FIL and ignoring him will say much more than words ever could. Good luck with that. I know it is hard dealing with people like that, as I come from that kind of a family, as well.

Snapdragon88
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Lmao! That is so absurd it made me laugh. I would be so pissed!
maxswolfsuit
by Max on Jan. 1, 2014 at 3:45 PM
1 mom liked this

You're not going to get any "that's not a bad request" from me. 

Honestly, I would be very upset with my husband for not being able to speak up and defend both of you. I don't really think it's fair of him to ask you to stay quiet about it. But I do understand how difficult things could be if you spoke up. 

You might win the icky inlaws prize of the day. :(

RobynS
by Robyn on Jan. 1, 2014 at 10:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think your parenting is any of his business, and calling you out like that was rude and passive-aggressive. Perhaps he still needs some work on HIS parenting skills. Sheesh!

I think I would just back off a bit if you can--spend a little less time with your FIL and anyone else who chooses to be so disrespectful to you and your DH.

Good luck, mama!

collinsmommy0
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow. What an ass.

I'd either stop spending time with them, talk with them, or have DH talk with them. I don't put up with that stuff - my mom is similar but we live far away so I just have to deal with it with visits and over FaceTime. And on FaceTime I just tell her we have to go when she starts saying things like I spoil my child because I give him a hat to wear when it's cold out.
teddysmama09
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 6:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Saying a prayer for someone in private is one thing, but making a public display like that is just passive aggressive. 

steffiecox
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 6:31 AM
1 mom liked this
wow that's just rude! I'd be pissed too. Its none of his business how you wish you rasie your kids.
HopeAlive
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 3:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Aww, I'm sorry! I hear your frustration... I wish I had some advice for you. I did find this resource that might give you and your husband some good insights. I hope it helps!

brittany208
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm going to disagree with the fact that its none of their business how you parent. it is somewhat their business bc they have to be around your children if you refuse to discipline them and turn them into little brats. (NOT saying you are, just saying, if that were the case). that doesnt mean that they get to make your parenting decisions for you, however.

my question, and i mean this in the absolute nicest way, is: are your children very well behaved? you say they dont listen the first time. do they listen the second time then? or do they run amok while you do nothing? bc if your parenting strategy is working... then they wouldnt NEED to say anything. the fact that they are kind of implies that your children maybe arent as well behaved as you think they are. Again, NOT trying to be rude at all... just honest and helpful

you can parent your children however you see fit. the fact that you dont want to spank is great. but you do need to make sure that you are parenting (and im not saying you arent). then, when your children are super duper kids, they wont have anything to say. and if they do, you can just ignore them bc you know youre doing a great job

merryvoice
by on Jan. 3, 2014 at 2:32 AM
1 mom liked this
That, first of all, is passive aggressive as hell. 2) It's not his business and 3) Not a very Christian attitude to have.
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