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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Toddler bullying, help!!

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:00 PM
  • 12 Replies
So my 1 1/2 yr old (strong willed, opinionated & determined) bullies my 4 yr old. She just goes up to him and hits him or grabs him, pinching and hurting. We've suggested him to defend himself and do it back to show he it doesn't feel good, but he won't because he doesn't like her to cry or be hurt, also I think he worries he's get in trouble. We have tried, bopping her hand when she hits, time outs, and explaining why we don't do that. But she continues to do it, over and over! Any suggestions on how to get her to stop.

I say strong willed because she does things she knows she's not supposed to do over and over. Like climbing on top of the table, she'll get bopped on the bottom told no and put in time out (and has her fit in time out) yet she'll go right back over and do it again!
by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Maks1mommy
by Brittiany on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:04 PM
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I would stop "bopping" her and just put her in time out... At her age there isn't a lot you can do..

I say you should stop spanking because if you do it for every thing it looses it's strength.. I don't spank, but I don't judge those that do, I think you are just doing it to much for it to be effective, and it probably doesn't even faze her that this point (I'm assuming it's through pants and a diaper, she probably can't even feel it)

OrangeBalloon
by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:09 PM
2 moms liked this

This. I would take her and put her in a room with a baby gate, or a play pen. Separate her when she is acting up. Keep doing that and tell her that she cannot hit. As she gets older you can use time outs. Tell the 4 year old to get away from her as fast as they can and not to play with her when she starts acting out. Your spanking and bopping are not working. Stop doing that and try something else. 

Quoting Maks1mommy:

I would stop "bopping" her and just put her in time out... At her age there isn't a lot you can do..

I say you should stop spanking because if you do it for every thing it looses it's strength.. I don't spank, but I don't judge those that do, I think you are just doing it to much for it to be effective, and it probably doesn't even faze her that this point (I'm assuming it's through pants and a diaper, she probably can't even feel it)


LadyBugMom09
by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:10 PM
Redirection. I have a 2 yo DS and 4 yo DD and he's been doing the same too. I usually say, "no hitting, it hurts" And i turn his attention to something else. I also have been teaching him to respect her toys by picking up any item and saying, "who's is that?" And telling him mommy's or daddy's or sister's, etc. He's learning not everything is his to grab.
Briangel
by Member on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:12 PM
Agreed. She doesn't get spanked unless it's something unsafe that she could get hurt doing, or if it's the 3rd time that night we've done time out for the same thing. She throws her crying fit in time out and she knows she can't get up until she stops crying and sometimes it's a good 10 min she sits there mad that she's in time out. The spanking actually does work, but like I said we only do it on the 3rd time she's done the same thing and she won't do it again the rest of the night. So it works, but only temporarily.

Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I think I agree with the bopping the hand, as it's showing to not have an effect on her.

Quoting Maks1mommy:

I would stop "bopping" her and just put her in time out... At her age there isn't a lot you can do..

I say you should stop spanking because if you do it for every thing it looses it's strength.. I don't spank, but I don't judge those that do, I think you are just doing it to much for it to be effective, and it probably doesn't even faze her that this point (I'm assuming it's through pants and a diaper, she probably can't even feel it)

Briangel
by Member on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:16 PM
I have tried that. It had always worked with my 4 yr old. But when I try redirecting her, it gets worse like her mind was set. She'll scream at me "nooooo" and sometimes even swat at me and arch back in a fit. This is so new to us as our 4 yr old didn't throw fits. We nipped that right away, but she is not so easy. Lol. They are complete opposites.

Quoting LadyBugMom09: Redirection. I have a 2 yo DS and 4 yo DD and he's been doing the same too. I usually say, "no hitting, it hurts" And i turn his attention to something else. I also have been teaching him to respect her toys by picking up any item and saying, "who's is that?" And telling him mommy's or daddy's or sister's, etc. He's learning not everything is his to grab.
Briangel
by Member on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:19 PM
I agree!! I was just getting advice from my mil showing her where we do time out and she said "oh no! Time out needs to be in the other room" so I will definitely try that!! Hopefully that helps her. I agree the bopping is not working, I do think the spanking works - although we use sparingly and as maks1mommy said it doesn't hurt through the bulky diaper. It works, but only temporarily. So I will try the separation and see how that works for a while.

Quoting OrangeBalloon:

This. I would take her and put her in a room with a baby gate, or a play pen. Separate her when she is acting up. Keep doing that and tell her that she cannot hit. As she gets older you can use time outs. Tell the 4 year old to get away from her as fast as they can and not to play with her when she starts acting out. Your spanking and bopping are not working. Stop doing that and try something else. 

Quoting Maks1mommy:

I would stop "bopping" her and just put her in time out... At her age there isn't a lot you can do..

I say you should stop spanking because if you do it for every thing it looses it's strength.. I don't spank, but I don't judge those that do, I think you are just doing it to much for it to be effective, and it probably doesn't even faze her that this point (I'm assuming it's through pants and a diaper, she probably can't even feel it)


sophiesmom07
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 10:24 AM

I would firmly let her know we do not hit or pinch. I would not tell my 4 year old to defend himself because he could accidentaly hurt the 1 year old.  firmly redirect and if that doesn't work, start counting, 1-2-3 then timeout.  You have to be consisiten though.  Eventually she will get it and stop the behavior before you are even done counting. 

Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 11:11 AM
Redirection.
Punishment does not work until 2/3 and they he a cognitive understanding. All she learns is that it's okay to hit.
If redirection isn't working take her into a quiet room and STAY with her. If you leave her in a room by herself it becomes useless at that age. Biggest mistake parents make with 1 and 2 year olds is putting them in time out by themself. Don't speak but let her calm down. If she starts trying to hurt you sit down and cross your leg over hers, then hold her arms.
maxswolfsuit
by Max on Jan. 11, 2014 at 4:26 PM

At this age I think careful supervision is the key. When you see her getting ready to hit take her out of the situation. 

Briangel
by Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 5:36 PM
Redirection doesn't work. She only gets more mad that she's not getting her way. It works if she's throwing a fit when we clean her up after a meal, we can sing a song or focus her attention elsewhere. But when it comes to picking on big brother, it only makes her fit worse. And she fully understands what she's not supposed to do. She will give this sly look that says "what are you going to do?" It's just she keeps doing it, or if we tell her no to something she'll go in the other room and do it. Lol. Sly little girl. And I believe punishment works, it worked great with my son who's now 4, and he is very well behaved. It's jut finding the right thing that works for her.

Quoting Retrokitty: Redirection.

Punishment does not work until 2/3 and they he a cognitive understanding. All she learns is that it's okay to hit.

If redirection isn't working take her into a quiet room and STAY with her. If you leave her in a room by herself it becomes useless at that age. Biggest mistake parents make with 1 and 2 year olds is putting them in time out by themself. Don't speak but let her calm down. If she starts trying to hurt you sit down and cross your leg over hers, then hold her arms.
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