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How to help three year old with wanting to disobay

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:28 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hi everyone, 

I am 22 and I have two girls. My oldest is 3 and my youngest is 10 weeks. My oldest has continually been ahead of the curb a little bit. She has been pretty advanced in many things, she even looks older than she is because of how big she is. Anyways, she was what you would call a strong personality. I have made it my goal to try and not hold her back in any way. However, I find myself continually telling her not to do simple things, like don't touch the baby wipes, you know simple things. She knows she needs to do it, she is simply testing my limits. I would prefer not to yell at her, and to get past this 'testing how far she can go' stage. any advice or tricks? 

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
briellesmomma
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:31 PM
Do it quickly to get it under control. My daughter has so little respect for me. She's 3, SN and drives me nuts.
SophiaKsMom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:44 PM
Oh I'm dealing with the back talk with my oldest. She turned 3 in December.

Do you think yours has more to do with the new baby? I'm not saying you don't spend time with her. It could be she is thinking negative attention is just as good as any.
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:48 PM
Pick your battles! Your attention is divided with the new baby and she's testing. Children always test. Make sure she knows her clear boundaries and do not waiver. I understand not wanting to stifle her but this world has limits and boundaries and she needs to learn that. Better from you in the home in a loving manner than from the world outside your walls who may not manage her as nicely (frustrated peers, teachers, etc).
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mem82
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 9:51 AM

When you tell her to not touch the baby wipes, do you mean, don't get a bunch out? Or simply you don't want her touching the package?

You can be a gentle parent but you most be firm, also. What are your consequences ?

WorkingForMy3
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 12:11 PM

I have a 5 y/o and when i tell you nip it in the bud im serious this boy is by far the most manipulative child ever.. Don't use reverse psychology they only learn how to use it against you

harrisongirl
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 1:20 PM

This is really helpful, thank you! I really agree that I need to be a little more stern about my boundaries. I guess I am always trying to ask myself if this is stunting her creative spirit with some things. However, she does need black and white with most things, and I tend to be too able to let things slide for the sake of the moment. Thank you

Quoting Luvmy2babies22: Pick your battles! Your attention is divided with the new baby and she's testing. Children always test. Make sure she knows her clear boundaries and do not waiver. I understand not wanting to stifle her but this world has limits and boundaries and she needs to learn that. Better from you in the home in a loving manner than from the world outside your walls who may not manage her as nicely (frustrated peers, teachers, etc).


harrisongirl
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 1:25 PM

I think this is the case more so now with the new baby. She still had an issue before sarah was here, but it has intensified significantly. She was not just an only child, but the only grandchild on both sides... so she is not used to this sharing attention thing. haha. I made some paper snowflakes with her yeasterday and I have noticed this morning has gone over more smoothly with behavior. I think you are right, spending more one on one time with her is important, she is craving attention. Its so different now with the two! all that my youngest needs is nurturing and some tummy time.... and my oldest needs cuddles and creative and social time with mommy! 

Quoting SophiaKsMom: Oh I'm dealing with the back talk with my oldest. She turned 3 in December.

Do you think yours has more to do with the new baby? I'm not saying you don't spend time with her. It could be she is thinking negative attention is just as good as any.


almburr
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 1:26 PM
You will not stunt her creative spirit. You need to be firm, and direct. Do you let her have free reign.
iamcafemom83
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 1:32 PM
I would put anything you don't want her to get into out of her reach. This is more of a sanity saver for yourself:)
My daughter is 6 now and also has a strong personality. Ages2-5 were...interesting lol
My personal opinion is that gentle parenting does not mesh well with her. You need to tell her and if she doesn't listen, immediate consequence. If you pussy foot, it will come back and bite ya later. I have sooooo been there!

I gotta say though. ...the strong personality will test you, but...if she is anything like my dd, she is bright, sensitive (in a good way) and probably will play well with others. They just tend to drive their mamas crazy!
LavenderMom23
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 4:26 PM

Involve her more. Ask her to get the wipes when your 10 month old needs them. Have her help in chores like wiping down the table. Then the wipes will not be very interesting. And structure, keep her busy. not like crazy soccer mom running her kids ragged, but toddlers don't automatically think of things to do every day. Teach her ABC, Colors, numbers, etc. when she starts testing you. And give her more 'free time' when she's behaving.

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