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Advice Needed: should i have my 3 yr old with autism come...

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:26 PM
  • 9 Replies

should i have my 3 yr old with autism come visit me for 1 hr. at rehab? My son is currently with my inlaws and they feel this may be harmful to him. I believe that too, but I also know that life is filled with hardships. Help me make the right choice..

by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:26 PM
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PAmommy32
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 9:30 PM
3 moms liked this

Why do you want him to visit?  So he can see you for his benefit or because you miss him.  I don't know much about autism but if the visit is purely for your benefit and only a hardship for him then I would say to not have him come.  If you think he would enjoy seeing you then it might be worth it.

ardiaxe
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 6:09 AM
1 mom liked this
Of course! That's your son. Your in laws can keep their opinions to themselves. I have cared for many children with autism and it's important that your child see your face and know that you care. You deserve this too.
I wish you the best in rehab. Gift yourself with a little visit.
HopesNDreams
by Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 7:28 AM
1 mom liked this
How long are you at rehab? Does getting upset cause behaviors? What kind of behaviors? Did your leaving to go to rehab cause behaviors? Have they just gotten those under control?

So much of life with a child on the Spectrum is dependant on routine and consistency. You know your child. They also know your child and your trust their judgement enough to have them care for him while you are there. Quite honestly, so much of this answer is dependant on what YOUR behavior was like before rehab and what it is going to trigger in your child when he sees you. This is what they will have to live with for hours, days, and possibly weeks after the visit. This is the reality of autism and also the effects of having a parent with addiction.

I would tend to go with the opinion of the caretaker of the child on this one.
maxswolfsuit
by Max on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:55 AM

I have all the same questions. 

Quoting HopesNDreams: How long are you at rehab? Does getting upset cause behaviors? What kind of behaviors? Did your leaving to go to rehab cause behaviors? Have they just gotten those under control? So much of life with a child on the Spectrum is dependant on routine and consistency. You know your child. They also know your child and your trust their judgement enough to have them care for him while you are there. Quite honestly, so much of this answer is dependant on what YOUR behavior was like before rehab and what it is going to trigger in your child when he sees you. This is what they will have to live with for hours, days, and possibly weeks after the visit. This is the reality of autism and also the effects of having a parent with addiction. I would tend to go with the opinion of the caretaker of the child on this one.


erikadi
by Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:59 AM

I am not sure because I don't know much about your rehab. 

alegna77
by New Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 2:00 PM
Thanks for the advice. It's well said! My fear is the effect it will have on my son after the visit. I just want what's best for him and I don't want to stress or hurt him. I just know he is my child and he needs his mom no matter what. My sons dad said that he saw a family therapist and the therapist said it would be detramental to my son to come visit me. I also don't know exactly what kind of things he's telling the therapist about me. I'm in a halfway house and no longer with my sons father he is also in recovery. Living with him was like living in fear. He's very controling and I cannot continue to live like that. He provided for us and I cared for my son. We relapsed together and both are now working on our recovery. His parents are my sons caretakers. I'm basically starting over and trying to get back on my feet without relying on others. In the mean time I want to figure out a way to see him with out it hurting him. My inlaws said they put a photo of me in a frame and they tell my son that mom is in the hospital getting well. Thank god my son is still young enough so I can get well and be there for him in the long run.

Quoting HopesNDreams: How long are you at rehab? Does getting upset cause behaviors? What kind of behaviors? Did your leaving to go to rehab cause behaviors? Have they just gotten those under control?

So much of life with a child on the Spectrum is dependant on routine and consistency. You know your child. They also know your child and your trust their judgement enough to have them care for him while you are there. Quite honestly, so much of this answer is dependant on what YOUR behavior was like before rehab and what it is going to trigger in your child when he sees you. This is what they will have to live with for hours, days, and possibly weeks after the visit. This is the reality of autism and also the effects of having a parent with addiction.

I would tend to go with the opinion of the caretaker of the child on this one.
cabrandy03
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 2:32 PM
Of course. I don't see how visiting you at rehab could be worse for him then not seeing his mom.
maxswolfsuit
by Max on Mar. 9, 2014 at 2:39 PM

I would be very hesitant to put my child in that kind of environment. Can you meet them somewhere outside of the facility?

Quoting alegna77: Thanks for the advice. It's well said! My fear is the effect it will have on my son after the visit. I just want what's best for him and I don't want to stress or hurt him. I just know he is my child and he needs his mom no matter what. My sons dad said that he saw a family therapist and the therapist said it would be detramental to my son to come visit me. I also don't know exactly what kind of things he's telling the therapist about me. I'm in a halfway house and no longer with my sons father he is also in recovery. Living with him was like living in fear. He's very controling and I cannot continue to live like that. He provided for us and I cared for my son. We relapsed together and both are now working on our recovery. His parents are my sons caretakers. I'm basically starting over and trying to get back on my feet without relying on others. In the mean time I want to figure out a way to see him with out it hurting him. My inlaws said they put a photo of me in a frame and they tell my son that mom is in the hospital getting well. Thank god my son is still young enough so I can get well and be there for him in the long run.
Quoting HopesNDreams: How long are you at rehab? Does getting upset cause behaviors? What kind of behaviors? Did your leaving to go to rehab cause behaviors? Have they just gotten those under control? So much of life with a child on the Spectrum is dependant on routine and consistency. You know your child. They also know your child and your trust their judgement enough to have them care for him while you are there. Quite honestly, so much of this answer is dependant on what YOUR behavior was like before rehab and what it is going to trigger in your child when he sees you. This is what they will have to live with for hours, days, and possibly weeks after the visit. This is the reality of autism and also the effects of having a parent with addiction. I would tend to go with the opinion of the caretaker of the child on this one.


.Angelica.
by Angie on Mar. 9, 2014 at 6:01 PM

I agree.

Quoting PAmommy32:

Why do you want him to visit?  So he can see you for his benefit or because you miss him.  I don't know much about autism but if the visit is purely for your benefit and only a hardship for him then I would say to not have him come.  If you think he would enjoy seeing you then it might be worth it.


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