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My DH just doesn't want to help around the house

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:03 AM
  • 15 Replies
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My DH goes through phases of helping me clean and then not so much.  Lately, I feel like I'm following him around to try and keep this house somewhat organized and presentable. I swear I'n not a near freak and not a control freak. I just want things picked up and the kitchen clean and swept.

Like Sunday,  his day off, I asked him to start the laundry so it doesn't pile up. I work retail and usually don't have weekends off. I'll come home at 11pm and the laundry is still piled up. He will say that he needed a weekend to relax. However, then when it is my day off, he will ask me to do the laundry and if I don't start it, he will ask when I'm going to do it!

Does your DH help you clean? 

by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:03 AM
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by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:09 AM

Thats not cool maybe talk to him about it and ask if he can at least pitch in a little since you both work and both dont get a technical day off..

My DH helps me if I ask but usually I dont since I dont work and he does but when we both worked it was a team effort he would ask what he needed to do to help. 

When we were first married he NEVER helped me until I said something to him about it and come to find out it was because I acted like I had it all handled and that I didnt need his help.

by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:10 AM

Occasionally he will vaccum but that's it. He hasn't cleaned a bathroom since I had my section 4 years ago. Not once. He'll do the after dinner dishes if I specifically tell him to but he won't volunteer and he never remember to wipe the counters which makes me crazy. Our whole 1st floor is laminate or tile and he has not swept or used the steam floor cleaner, I doubt he knows how it even works but he's watched me do it once or twice. He's only real cleaning job is taking the trash out.Cleaning/keeping out with the house isn't his thing. He just doesn't pay attention to it at all it used to make me angry but now I realize he's just oblivious. He always says if I want him to do something ask but I hate asking! And if he gets a weird urge to clean suddenly then I get all offended like he thinks I'm not doing a good enough job(stupid I know, I'm working on that).

by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:16 AM

My husband contributes a lot. 

But some things he really won't do until he needs them done.  For example, I won't let the laundry pile up, but he totally would until he needed something clean, then he'd do it himself. Conversely, I'll let the dishes pile up in the sink until I "feel like" doing them -- he's more anal about it.

For us, we found space in the budget for a maid twice a month.  It really helped us to argue less -- and we have more time to do what it is we really want to do (which is generally just relax) and less time worrying about an icky bathroom floor.  If we didn't have her, then we'd have to drum up some sort of chores chart, because I really feel like I'm entitled to just as much "relax" time as he is.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:27 AM
Yes because he's tidier than me! The joke in my house is that floors are a man's job ;-) I HATE vacuuming, mopping and sweeping so my hubby and 7 year old son do that. I also detest unloading the dishwasher so hubby usually does that too. He also does all the handwash stuff for me. He does his own laundry and I do it for me, the kids and the household stuff. We have cleaners every month who do our bathrooms and the nitty gritty.
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by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 12:15 PM
DH rarely does laundry, but does empty the dishwasher, takes out the garbage, takes out the bins on garbage night, bathes DS, brushes DSs teeth every morning, and gets him dressed. On the weekends, sometimes he cooks, helps get DS ready for bed, and does other things like vacuum the kitchen/dining area.

Even on his days off (which there aren't many, he has a high stress, lots of hours job & often works all week plus 4+ hours each weekend day), he still helps out.
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 1:35 PM
Lol, no. He's lazy and spoiled. He didn't even cook or do his own laundry when we met. His mom and grandma did. He was 25 years old. I ask him to help but it upsets me when he doesn't do it on the spot. So I end up doing it. I am a control freak and need to have everything organized. I tell him every now n then, but by then I've blown up on him.
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 2:01 PM

Without being instructed or guided, nope. When we were both working FT it didn't bother me too much that he didn't help but in certain areas, I would do what I needed to do. But since he lost his job in Jan and is staying home with DD I have cracked down. Sorry you don't get to sit home while I work and still do 95% of the cleaning. We sat down and figured out "chores" he is to remove the trash if it's full, empty the dishwasher while I load it, and wash the laundry (I fold). Pick up around the house and he already does most of the grocery shopping already. Since the discussion he has mostly held up, still not to my standards but I am giving him time to adjust. Men are just sad creatures sometimes!

by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 8:13 PM
Yes he does help out some.
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 9:22 PM
Mine helps only when asked but he won't go out of his way or anything.
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:06 PM
Yes but I do most of it. When he does clean, though, he's actually more thorough than me! He's also a better cook than me! I plan and usually shop for meals and cook during the week, but he cooks on the weekends! He also does his own laundry. If I ask him to do something he usually will, usually that's mop the kitchen floor and entryway.

I took the kids to my mon's the other weekend and when I came home he had cleaned almost the whole house and did a more thorough job than I baked some amazing chocolate chip cookies, planned some meals and did the shopping!
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