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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

my son will be 3 1/2 on April 9th and we have been having an issue with him bitting off and on for the last year and a half (since his sister was born). My question is how can I get him to stop? He has bit a two different kids at story time and tried to bite the teacher in story time on seperate occasions so today since he bit a kid they told me he can not be there if he is going to bite. He loves story time though so I am at a loss as to what to do. 

by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 12:56 PM
Replies (11-20):
Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 10:40 AM
Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit.
He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that.
How's his speech and comprehension in other areas?
When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this.
"So I've heard you've been biting lately"
They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble.
"Does it make your body feel good when you bite?"
Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment.
"How do you feel before you bite"
Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them.
"Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger"
Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions.
"It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?"
They will hopefully say no.
" I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside"
If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out.
"Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves."
You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time.

Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings

TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 10:51 AM

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit. He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that. How's his speech and comprehension in other areas? When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this. "So I've heard you've been biting lately" They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble. "Does it make your body feel good when you bite?" Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment. "How do you feel before you bite" Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them. "Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger" Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions. "It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?" They will hopefully say no. " I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside" If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out. "Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves." You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time. Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings


Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 10:57 AM
Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit.
He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that.
How's his speech and comprehension in other areas?
When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this.
"So I've heard you've been biting lately"
They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble.
"Does it make your body feel good when you bite?"
Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment.
"How do you feel before you bite"
Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them.
"Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger"
Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions.
"It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?"
They will hopefully say no.
" I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside"
If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out.
"Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves."
You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time.

Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings

TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:05 AM

he doesn't go to daycare I am a stay at home mom.

Quoting Retrokitty: Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit. He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that. How's his speech and comprehension in other areas? When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this. "So I've heard you've been biting lately" They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble. "Does it make your body feel good when you bite?" Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment. "How do you feel before you bite" Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them. "Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger" Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions. "It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?" They will hopefully say no. " I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside" If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out. "Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves." You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time. Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings


Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:14 AM
You said teacher and story time so usually that means daycare, but that's good. It will be easier to teach him coping skills then.

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he doesn't go to daycare I am a stay at home mom.

Quoting Retrokitty: Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit.
He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that.
How's his speech and comprehension in other areas?
When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this.
"So I've heard you've been biting lately"
They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble.
"Does it make your body feel good when you bite?"
Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment.
"How do you feel before you bite"
Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them.
"Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger"
Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions.
"It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?"
They will hopefully say no.
" I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside"
If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out.
"Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves."
You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time.

Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings

TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:16 AM

he goes to the library one day a week for the "teacher" to read to him do activities ect. they don't want to help they told me im not even allowed in the library with him during story time hours if he can't stop biting she had her aid sit out there to make sure i actually left :O

Quoting Retrokitty: You said teacher and story time so usually that means daycare, but that's good. It will be easier to teach him coping skills then.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he doesn't go to daycare I am a stay at home mom.

Quoting Retrokitty: Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit. He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that. How's his speech and comprehension in other areas? When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this. "So I've heard you've been biting lately" They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble. "Does it make your body feel good when you bite?" Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment. "How do you feel before you bite" Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them. "Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger" Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions. "It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?" They will hopefully say no. " I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside" If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out. "Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves." You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time. Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings


Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:20 AM
I assumed. We have that program here too. I meant it will be easier to teach him coping skills of he's not at daycare and you can do it by yourself with no help. You can start at home.


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he goes to the library one day a week for the "teacher" to read to him do activities ect. they don't want to help they told me im not even allowed in the library with him during story time hours if he can't stop biting she had her aid sit out there to make sure i actually left :O

Quoting Retrokitty: You said teacher and story time so usually that means daycare, but that's good. It will be easier to teach him coping skills then.

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he doesn't go to daycare I am a stay at home mom.

Quoting Retrokitty: Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit.
He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that.
How's his speech and comprehension in other areas?
When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this.
"So I've heard you've been biting lately"
They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble.
"Does it make your body feel good when you bite?"
Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment.
"How do you feel before you bite"
Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them.
"Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger"
Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions.
"It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?"
They will hopefully say no.
" I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside"
If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out.
"Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves."
You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time.

Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings

TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:23 AM

i dont know any coping skills to teach him. he usually has no issues with other kids or anything. I am wondering if he is getting sick or just doesn't feel well. i know he hasnt been sleeping well last few nights. 

Quoting Retrokitty: I assumed. We have that program here too. I meant it will be easier to teach him coping skills of he's not at daycare and you can do it by yourself with no help. You can start at home.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he goes to the library one day a week for the "teacher" to read to him do activities ect. they don't want to help they told me im not even allowed in the library with him during story time hours if he can't stop biting she had her aid sit out there to make sure i actually left :O

Quoting Retrokitty: You said teacher and story time so usually that means daycare, but that's good. It will be easier to teach him coping skills then.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he doesn't go to daycare I am a stay at home mom.

Quoting Retrokitty: Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit. He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that. How's his speech and comprehension in other areas? When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this. "So I've heard you've been biting lately" They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble. "Does it make your body feel good when you bite?" Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment. "How do you feel before you bite" Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them. "Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger" Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions. "It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?" They will hopefully say no. " I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside" If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out. "Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves." You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time. Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings


Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:31 AM
I gave you an idea for one. With the ball with sand.
Talk to him about his feelings and how it makes him feel inside.
Whether he's a good kid or not we all need coping skills.
Here's a wiki article on coping and strategies.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coping_strategy
I understand it can be frustrating and embarrassing.

I would also look up defense mechanisms.
These ones in particular:
Primitive Defense Mechanisms

1. Denial

Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development. Many people use denial in their everyday lives to avoid dealing with painful feelings or areas of their life they don’t wish to admit. For instance, a person who is a functioning alcoholic will often simply deny they have a drinking problem, pointing to how well they function in their job and relationships.

2. Regression

Regression is the reversion to an earlier stage of development in the face of unacceptable thoughts or impulses. For an example an adolescent who is overwhelmed with fear, anger and growing sexual impulses might become clingy and start exhibiting earlier childhood behaviors he has long since overcome, such as bedwetting. An adult may regress when under a great deal of stress, refusing to leave their bed and engage in normal, everyday activities.

3. Acting Out

Acting Out is performing an extreme behavior in order to express thoughts or feelings the person feels incapable of otherwise expressing. Instead of saying, “I’m angry with you,” a person who acts out may instead throw a book at the person, or punch a hole through a wall. When a person acts out, it can act as a pressure release, and often helps the individual feel calmer and peaceful once again. For instance, a child’s temper tantrum is a form of acting out when he or she doesn’t get his or her way with a parent. Self-injury may also be a form of acting-out, expressing in physical pain what one cannot stand to feel emotionally.

11. Rationalization

Rationalization is putting something into a different light or offering a different explanation for one’s perceptions or behaviors in the face of a changing reality. For instance, a woman who starts dating a man she really, really likes and thinks the world of is suddenly dumped by the man for no reason. She reframes the situation in her mind with, “I suspected he was a loser all along.”


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

i dont know any coping skills to teach him. he usually has no issues with other kids or anything. I am wondering if he is getting sick or just doesn't feel well. i know he hasnt been sleeping well last few nights. 

Quoting Retrokitty: I assumed. We have that program here too. I meant it will be easier to teach him coping skills of he's not at daycare and you can do it by yourself with no help. You can start at home.


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he goes to the library one day a week for the "teacher" to read to him do activities ect. they don't want to help they told me im not even allowed in the library with him during story time hours if he can't stop biting she had her aid sit out there to make sure i actually left :O

Quoting Retrokitty: You said teacher and story time so usually that means daycare, but that's good. It will be easier to teach him coping skills then.

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he doesn't go to daycare I am a stay at home mom.

Quoting Retrokitty: Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.

Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit.
He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that.
How's his speech and comprehension in other areas?
When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this.
"So I've heard you've been biting lately"
They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble.
"Does it make your body feel good when you bite?"
Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment.
"How do you feel before you bite"
Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them.
"Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger"
Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions.
"It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?"
They will hopefully say no.
" I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside"
If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out.
"Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves."
You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time.

Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.


Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings

TheMommaJessie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:37 AM

ok ty

Quoting Retrokitty: I gave you an idea for one. With the ball with sand. Talk to him about his feelings and how it makes him feel inside. Whether he's a good kid or not we all need coping skills. Here's a wiki article on coping and strategies. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coping_strategy I understand it can be frustrating and embarrassing. I would also look up defense mechanisms. These ones in particular: Primitive Defense Mechanisms 1. Denial Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development. Many people use denial in their everyday lives to avoid dealing with painful feelings or areas of their life they don’t wish to admit. For instance, a person who is a functioning alcoholic will often simply deny they have a drinking problem, pointing to how well they function in their job and relationships. 2. Regression Regression is the reversion to an earlier stage of development in the face of unacceptable thoughts or impulses. For an example an adolescent who is overwhelmed with fear, anger and growing sexual impulses might become clingy and start exhibiting earlier childhood behaviors he has long since overcome, such as bedwetting. An adult may regress when under a great deal of stress, refusing to leave their bed and engage in normal, everyday activities. 3. Acting Out Acting Out is performing an extreme behavior in order to express thoughts or feelings the person feels incapable of otherwise expressing. Instead of saying, “I’m angry with you,” a person who acts out may instead throw a book at the person, or punch a hole through a wall. When a person acts out, it can act as a pressure release, and often helps the individual feel calmer and peaceful once again. For instance, a child’s temper tantrum is a form of acting out when he or she doesn’t get his or her way with a parent. Self-injury may also be a form of acting-out, expressing in physical pain what one cannot stand to feel emotionally. 11. Rationalization Rationalization is putting something into a different light or offering a different explanation for one’s perceptions or behaviors in the face of a changing reality. For instance, a woman who starts dating a man she really, really likes and thinks the world of is suddenly dumped by the man for no reason. She reframes the situation in her mind with, “I suspected he was a loser all along.”
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

i dont know any coping skills to teach him. he usually has no issues with other kids or anything. I am wondering if he is getting sick or just doesn't feel well. i know he hasnt been sleeping well last few nights. 

Quoting Retrokitty: I assumed. We have that program here too. I meant it will be easier to teach him coping skills of he's not at daycare and you can do it by yourself with no help. You can start at home.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he goes to the library one day a week for the "teacher" to read to him do activities ect. they don't want to help they told me im not even allowed in the library with him during story time hours if he can't stop biting she had her aid sit out there to make sure i actually left :O

Quoting Retrokitty: You said teacher and story time so usually that means daycare, but that's good. It will be easier to teach him coping skills then.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he doesn't go to daycare I am a stay at home mom.

Quoting Retrokitty: Well then teaching him coping strategies should work. Get the daycare involved, they should be proactive and help.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

he knows how to count but doesn't want to so he wont just like with his abcs he knows how just doesnt want to so he doesnt. i catch him counting when he is playing on his own and stuff. he was 2 1/2 months preemie so idk if that is some of his issue or not. he's pedi is a stuck up snobby foriegner that doesn't understand anything. i hate her and if there was another doc here in town that would see the kids AND give them there shots (cant find any one but the pedi) i would switch them in a heart beat.

Quoting Retrokitty: Have you talked to his pedi about those issues? Bitting isn't a red flag but a long with those other issues it is. My 1 year old can count to 10 and is working on 11-15 right now. Not all kids learn the same but by 3 and a half he should be able to count somewhat even if he messes up a bit. He seems like he could be developmentally delayed a bit. And I don't mean that in a mean way. If he is it would just change how you handle his behaviours including biting. Biting is an oral fixation. There for the coping skill you would add in would involve the mouth. Buy him a small chewing toy for him to use when he feels angry like that. How's his speech and comprehension in other areas? When I work with kids on this I get down to their level and look into their eyes. I have a conversation that usually goes like this. "So I've heard you've been biting lately" They either admit it or deny it. If they deny it I say don't worry your not in trouble. "Does it make your body feel good when you bite?" Now depending on how the interpret that they may say no. It's important to tell them that it's normal to feel good when biting people. When we are angry it does feel good to hurt people in the moment. "How do you feel before you bite" Try to get them to answer but if they don't you can fill it in for them. "Does your tummy hurt before you bite people? Like you just look at someone and your whole body hurts? That's called anger" Make sure you use describing words. Kids don't always associate with just saying emotions. "It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to want to make your body feel better when it hurts. But is don't think making other peoples bodies hurt is the right way to do it, do you?" They will hopefully say no. " I want to teach you something else you can do when you feel really bad inside. Okay? Can you tell me some others ways besides biting that you deal with that feeling inside" If they are good ways praise them. If they also hurt other peoples bodies then point that out. "Here's a ball (balloon filled with sand) when you feel angry And hurt inside I want you to squeeze this ball as hard as you can okay? And keep squeezing until that bad feeling leaves." You can also find toys for him to bite down on. Talk to his teachers and ask if they will let him have one or both of those toys in the classroom. They should be able to know his cues and ask him if he wants to use it. If story times an issue maybe he could use it the entire time. Another thought popped into my head. Maybe the stories bore him? Perhaps he can't understand them? Or maybe he just gets distracted easily and misses parts so he can't follow the rest of the story.
Quoting TheMommaJessie:

I don't know how to teach him because 1) I don't know these skillsl and 2) he just doesn't get things I can't get him to potty train or learn his ABCs or learn to count ect. We are struggling with trying to get him to learn to sit still and behave he is so hyper the only thing that he seems to settle for is story time at the library and some tv shows. 

Quoting Retrokitty: Teach him coping skills to deal with those feelings


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