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Toddlers & Preschoolers Toddlers & Preschoolers

Bedtime battles...

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 3:30 PM
  • 24 Replies
What is a reasonable, logical consequences for a 4 year old who refuses to lay in his bed at bedtime?

I'm at a loss...........I'm am usually all about preventing these battles, but this one is tough! He's tired, I'm tired and it's not going well.
by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 3:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 3:36 PM
I wouldn't give him a consequence. I would work with him and figure out a way to help him.

Personally I would lay with him until he fell asleep or something.
At 4 often times they still need comfort, as well as they don't often have the attention spam to stay in bed. At that age being bored is really really hard. Maybe let him walk around his room, but he must stay in there if you don't want to lay with him.
Marti123
by Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 4:38 PM
Thank goodness you responded, I always respect your answers............let me pick your brain, he is not my typical child, he is high needs. He just refuses to lay down even with me, and even if I did I feel that reinforces his whining, defiance. I spend ALOT of time trying to connect with him and being present with him pre-bedtime. He starts getting hyper, giggles and just becomes unmanageable, running, screaming. He will not deep breath, he will sit still for a book, but when it is over he starts defying the same behavior. It disrupts his brother and infant sister. I just want to set a respectful boundary.

My initial thought is just to keep him up but by my side doing my night chores, until he feels ready to go to bed, but honestly he seems unable to listen and I know he is legitimately tired.

Quoting Retrokitty: I wouldn't give him a consequence. I would work with him and figure out a way to help him.

Personally I would lay with him until he fell asleep or something.
At 4 often times they still need comfort, as well as they don't often have the attention spam to stay in bed. At that age being bored is really really hard. Maybe let him walk around his room, but he must stay in there if you don't want to lay with him.
Corkie-
by New Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 4:40 PM
I've never had that problem thankfully. My sister is having this problem with my 4 year old nephew. All she does is let him sleep with her. I couldn't do it.


Good luck
Retrokitty
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 4:45 PM
It sound as if he's more or less incapable of staying still, especially if he's high needs, he seeks our stimulation.

Does he have his own room? I know some people recommend a tv at bedtime for kids who absolutely need stimulation. I would try to stay away from that, try something like an audio book first before that. An audio book (preferably a long one) would make it so he was laying down listening.

Otherwise you could always let him play with his toys quietly if he stays in his room.


Quoting Marti123: Thank goodness you responded, I always respect your answers............let me pick your brain, he is not my typical child, he is high needs. He just refuses to lay down even with me, and even if I did I feel that reinforces his whining, defiance. I spend ALOT of time trying to connect with him and being present with him pre-bedtime. He starts getting hyper, giggles and just becomes unmanageable, running, screaming. He will not deep breath, he will sit still for a book, but when it is over he starts defying the same behavior. It disrupts his brother and infant sister. I just want to set a respectful boundary.

My initial thought is just to keep him up but by my side doing my night chores, until he feels ready to go to bed, but honestly he seems unable to listen and I know he is legitimately tired.

Quoting Retrokitty: I wouldn't give him a consequence. I would work with him and figure out a way to help him.

Personally I would lay with him until he fell asleep or something.
At 4 often times they still need comfort, as well as they don't often have the attention spam to stay in bed. At that age being bored is really really hard. Maybe let him walk around his room, but he must stay in there if you don't want to lay with him.
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this
That's not a battle I pick. Rules are 1) stay in your room and 2) lights stay off. What you choose to do by the light of a night light is all you. Sleep on your floor, doesn't matter. Just stay in there with the lights off. We've never had bedtime issues with this approach.
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Marti123
by Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 8:01 PM
Haha, You do pick it, lol, yours just don't fight it, obviously they stay in their room. My little guy will not stay in the room. He can be put back 50 + times. If I restrain him he screams for an hour plus+. He just free roams like a wild banshee :) but we are working on it.

Quoting Luvmy2babies22: That's not a battle I pick. Rules are 1) stay in your room and 2) lights stay off. What you choose to do by the light of a night light is all you. Sleep on your floor, doesn't matter. Just stay in there with the lights off. We've never had bedtime issues with this approach.
Luvmy2babies22
by Platinum Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:16 PM
your post asked about getting a child to lay in their bed. I've never required them to stay in bed so I'm not sure how I've picked that battle... The battle I chose was "stay in your room with lights off" and, yes, they comply.
Quoting Marti123: Haha, You do pick it, lol, yours just don't fight it, obviously they stay in their room. My little guy will not stay in the room. He can be put back 50 + times. If I restrain him he screams for an hour plus+. He just free roams like a wild banshee :) but we are working on it.

Quoting Luvmy2babies22: That's not a battle I pick. Rules are 1) stay in your room and 2) lights stay off. What you choose to do by the light of a night light is all you. Sleep on your floor, doesn't matter. Just stay in there with the lights off. We've never had bedtime issues with this approach.
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Marti123
by Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 10:00 PM
Sorry didn't mean kerfluffer feathers.....my crazy one won't lay down, quiet down, stay in or respect any boundaries..................but thanks for suggestions!

Quoting Luvmy2babies22: your post asked about getting a child to lay in their bed. I've never required them to stay in bed so I'm not sure how I've picked that battle... The battle I chose was "stay in your room with lights off" and, yes, they comply.
Quoting Marti123: Haha, You do pick it, lol, yours just don't fight it, obviously they stay in their room. My little guy will not stay in the room. He can be put back 50 + times. If I restrain him he screams for an hour plus+. He just free roams like a wild banshee :) but we are working on it.

Quoting Luvmy2babies22: That's not a battle I pick. Rules are 1) stay in your room and 2) lights stay off. What you choose to do by the light of a night light is all you. Sleep on your floor, doesn't matter. Just stay in there with the lights off. We've never had bedtime issues with this approach.
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 2:43 AM

I do a full body massage while singing lullabies and she is out in under 10 minutes.  Mine is also a high needs and high functioning autistic and this has always worked for her.  pretty funny though is that we have the same books memorized and she knows if I skip a page and will wake to correct me!  LOL

Marti123
by Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 8:57 AM
Hmmm, great idea, I wonder if he will lie still for that?!? Thanks.

Quoting MixedCooke:

I do a full body massage while singing lullabies and she is out in under 10 minutes.  Mine is also a high needs and high functioning autistic and this has always worked for her.  pretty funny though is that we have the same books memorized and she knows if I skip a page and will wake to correct me!  LOL

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