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i have a dliemma..don't know how to approach this..which head cap do i use ?

Posted by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:46 AM
  • 9 Replies
hi everyone. I decided to move from my parents house. I drove 15 hours just to be near my daughter . who is 4 yrs old and living with her father. I found out through internet he is studying somewhere else.in another state a master's program ..which looks very good for him legally. now I am in this new place which is 1 hour from my daughter..saving money to pay off debt and so living with roomates. I am working and settling down in my new nest. I texted him 4 days back telling him I am here now. there was no reply I don't know if he blocked me. I waited two days no reply . I emailed this time. saying more info " I am in rock hill. Can I see sarah this weekend" ?. he replies this time! saying " Am busy this weekend. " I was disturbed by this ..I didn't know how to reply back!! what thinking cap I should put on?? ..I get that he is busy but at the same time I don't want to be a doormat and reply back to him with "Ok"..i didn't reply yet... we are legally separated and have joint custody of our daughter who has lived with him since she was born. last 3 yrs i went to nursing school and lived with my parents.in another state.but relied so much on him during this time for emotional support and didn't get it i guess u can say i was leaning on him when he didn't want me to. i was tremendously missing my daughter and spending so much money on plane fair , hotel cost and rental car to come down and see her ..but he wasn't nice..always gave me the silent treatment so rather than studying during the last 3 yrs i failed out the the fourth semester. :( i would be emailing and trying to send parcels for my daughter and trying to look good so he would like me all during all this time..not buying outfits or anything but eating right.growing out my hair exercising, smiling a lot more..those things. keep in mind as i was going to nursing school he wasn't telling me he was planning to go back to school he got to see our daughter more convientently too! believe it or not ..I want to save this marriage and so don't want to hit him directly with the wrong words when replying back.to the current email exchange. .HOW DO I MAKE THIS COMMUNICATION BETWEEN US SMOOTH . HOW DO I NOT BE A DOORMAT AND GIVE IN WHEN HE SAYS HE IS BUSY..my dad on the other hand will be furious and run down there and hit him. what shall i respond and when shall i respond back to my husband who said he is busy this weekend.
by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:46 AM
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Replies (1-9):
celestegood
by Bronze Member on Oct. 24, 2016 at 3:58 PM
Can you go to parenting classes with him? Counseling to help you two co parent can be a positive thing. If you have been separated for four years, I am sad to say that it's unlikely you can save your marriage.
You should, however, go the legal route to enforce your visitation with your daughter. That matters, and it's wrong for him to keep your daughter from you.
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anotherandree
by Member on Oct. 24, 2016 at 4:03 PM

You need to have a set schedule and that is done through the courts.  Just because he is in school does not mean that you have nothing.  Even if he continues to have primary custody, that does not mean that you should not have set visitiation.  I would reply back with something along the lines of, "now that I am closer we should set a visitation schedule and have a judge okay it."  If you need a lawyer and don't have alot of money, try www.211.org and look for family lawyers that will work on a sliding scale.  Without a court order, there isn't much you can do.  He can continue to dodge your calls and requests. 

mnmo3bb
by on Oct. 24, 2016 at 11:59 PM

*hugs* I would tell him it's really important for you two to sit down and talk face to face, just you two and come to an agreement. You should have set days you see her so there is no "too busy" from either party. Also you need to talk more about whether you will work on the marriage & be a family or get something more official of visitation  & rights. 

conweis
by Bronze Member on Oct. 25, 2016 at 1:22 AM
I think you should offer to honor family counseling and let him know you want to focus on your daughter. You need to thinking your daughter right now and put him on the back burner.
mrswillie
by Silver Member on Oct. 25, 2016 at 6:44 AM
You have to look at it from his point of view. You just showed up and said Okay I want to see her this weekend. You can't just pop in like that and expect him to change his entire schedule for you.

I would reply back, "I understand. I would like to see our daughter as soon as possible. What day works for you?"
SnottieDottie
by on Oct. 25, 2016 at 2:54 PM

Ask nicely when you can see her with a couple options so he can choose one.  I commend you on wanting to work on the marriage.  Talk to him calmly and non-judgementally to see if he open to working on the marriage.  

Kmakksmom
by on Oct. 26, 2016 at 2:24 PM

Everything that has been said here, I agree with.  Good luck to you!

lee112
by New Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 1:30 PM

thanks everyone

celestegood
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 8:04 PM
I like the ladies who suggest co parenting classes. Wonderful idea. Hugs and love to you all. Such a hard situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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