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Does anyone else have this problem communicating with their child?

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 2:31 PM
  • 16 Replies
DD#2 is 3 and close to a year speech delayed, but I'm not sure that that's the issue here.

Around her 2nd birthday I started noticing a trend - when she got upset she'd go off by herself and cry. That's fine, I'm OK with giving her her space.

But if you try to approach her in any way she'll get very angry. This includes hugs, talking to her, giving her one of her toys. If you leave her alone, she starts crying louder and will talk to herself about how upset she is.

We've tried getting her to laugh out of her mood after she's been by herself for a sufficient amount of time, but she'll still react with anger even after several attempts.

Here's the thing - we don't always know why she's upset. It can happen at the drop of a hat. And when she's in one of those moods she won't talk to us at all. Sometimes we have to wait until she starts muttering to herself for clues. It can be something as simple as someone sitting where she wanted to sit and they never even knew.

We haven't found anything that works when she gets like this. We have to "ride it out". It can be half an hour or more before she suddenly snaps out of it and then it's like nothing happened.

I've obviously tried explaining to her that she needs to tell us what's wrong, that using her words works better than crying. She's seen the Daniel Tiger episode. I don't know if it's because of her illogical age, but it doesn't seem to sink in.

I would love some friendly suggestions for preventing or snapping her out of one of those moods.
by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 2:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Northern.Maple
by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 2:50 PM

My daughter does this too but not as much as what you are describing. My daughter is also in speech, she was really delayed when she first started (assesment done at 14m) started at 18m, she is 4.5yo now and she has clarity issues when prouncing certain letters. Anyways, with my dd I have always had to wait for her to come to us when she decided to be in that type of mood, but as she got older I had her tell me why she was going off to be by herself. i did a lot of " I can't help you if you don't tell me whats wrong" I probably said that sometimes 20 times a day it was exhausting. I believe my dd was closer to 4 before she really was able to communicate better with her emotions/feelings beside the obvious of knowing something is wrong, then not knowing what it was though.

She still will go and be by herself but she will tell me what is wrong first and no longer cries and just pushes me away.

Night_Roane
by Bronze Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 4:02 PM
My DD was 1 1/2 when she was diagnosed speech and socially delayed. At that time she didn't even say the word "Mama", and a lot of the words she said were her made-up word for them.

Early intervention said that her testing scores were an anomaly, because they didn't match up (one said she was severely speech delayed and the other said she was more socially delayed). A child can't qualify unless the tests match. The proctors said it was the first time they'd ever seen that happen. Due to where I live only one therapist could see DD and I never could get her to schedule, but DD consistently improved so I decided not to worry about a retest and trying to schedule an impossible therapist.

Her clarity is probably on-par with other 3yr olds (not great, but mostly understandable). She just doesn't have much of a vocabulary. To this day, she doesn't say "I". Until 3 months ago, she didn't say "love". There's no attempt - it's simply missing from her dictionary. Because of this, she only started using phrases about 6 months ago. BUT she has enough words now to say simple things. She can even say short sentences now (missing a few parts of speech, but you can fill in the blanks). She knows enough that she can express what's wrong.

It's just incredibly frustrating, and it's very difficult when she gets into a mood while we're out, because obviously we can't always sit and wait while she works it out (because once she parks it, she'll scream if you try to move her). I really hope she outgrows it :/

Quoting Northern.Maple:

My daughter does this too but not as much as what you are describing. My daughter is also in speech, she was really delayed when she first started (assesment done at 14m) started at 18m, she is 4.5yo now and she has clarity issues when prouncing certain letters. Anyways, with my dd I have always had to wait for her to come to us when she decided to be in that type of mood, but as she got older I had her tell me why she was going off to be by herself. i did a lot of " I can't help you if you don't tell me whats wrong" I probably said that sometimes 20 times a day it was exhausting. I believe my dd was closer to 4 before she really was able to communicate better with her emotions/feelings beside the obvious of knowing something is wrong, then not knowing what it was though.

She still will go and be by herself but she will tell me what is wrong first and no longer cries and just pushes me away.

Butterfly_xo
by Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 3:25 PM
This happens a lot with my 2 year old son but he has autism.
celestegood
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 8:26 PM
Hugs, honey, I hope you get good suggestions. My third is nine and does that a little bit. I'm not sure what to suggest, we just give him his space.
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Night_Roane
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2016 at 1:18 PM
We've always wondered if she has it. We were going to have her evaluated, but I homeschool so there's no need for an iep, she wouldn't qualify for ssi, and there's not any way to make a kid not autistic, so we realized that even if she was diagnosed we'd really only have a label.

Quoting Butterfly_xo: This happens a lot with my 2 year old son but he has autism.
Butterfly_xo
by Member on Oct. 29, 2016 at 1:29 PM
Well he's in a lot of therapy that has helped him a lot. If you don't think it's necessary then that's up to you guys. Good luck!

Quoting Night_Roane: We've always wondered if she has it. We were going to have her evaluated, but I homeschool so there's no need for an iep, she wouldn't qualify for ssi, and there's not any way to make a kid not autistic, so we realized that even if she was diagnosed we'd really only have a label.

Quoting Butterfly_xo: This happens a lot with my 2 year old son but he has autism.
Khooks
by Member on Oct. 29, 2016 at 1:37 PM
My son did that too and still does to an extent (he's 7) but he snaps out of quickly maybe because of the ADHD 😝 I just ignore him
momofnatalie
by Silver Member on Oct. 30, 2016 at 1:57 PM

Can you create a visual board with different feelings and teach her what each feeling means.  Maybe its hard to describe her feelings since she has a speech/social delay.  I would have pictures for what she would like if she is too upset to state, I would get pictures of  people hugging, alone time, maybe a picture of a clock or picture of crayons, so she can have some time to draw what she is feeling.  I think trying to provide another way to communicate may help.

Night_Roane
by Bronze Member on Oct. 30, 2016 at 11:46 PM
I like that idea a lot. I could try to come up with some kind of board where she could pick a sad or angry face and pictures of the family. I usually know who she's upset with, but maybe if she has the ability to show how she feels she might stay calm enough to give a why.

Quoting momofnatalie:

Can you create a visual board with different feelings and teach her what each feeling means.  Maybe its hard to describe her feelings since she has a speech/social delay.  I would have pictures for what she would like if she is too upset to state, I would get pictures of  people hugging, alone time, maybe a picture of a clock or picture of crayons, so she can have some time to draw what she is feeling.  I think trying to provide another way to communicate may help.

HaloSue
by on Oct. 31, 2016 at 12:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Look on ZUlily.com...they have tons of pictures with words,work books flash cards etc. It's in one of the stores on there I saw it Friday night or Saturday. These things could help you or give you ideas on how to help your children.
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