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Potty Training a stubborn child

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2018 at 9:18 PM
  • 5 Replies

Help!  I have a sweet 4 year old daughter who acts more like a 2 year old sometimes with her temper tantrums and also refuses to use the potty unless I stand over her in the bathroom.  She'll pee when told to sit on the potty 98% of the time, but absolutely refuses to poop in the potty.  I am a single mom who works part time and am going back to college as well, so I do not have time to work with her 24/7 until she's trained.  She does attend daycare, but they do not help or supervise her in the bathroom, and also refuse to allow her to wear pullups while she's training.  So I am left with a ton of poopy, pee filled panties and pants to wash out every night after my girls are in bed.  Anybody have any suggestions?  None of my other 3 girls were ever this hard to train.  They were all completely trained by age 2 1/2 at the very latest.  If I don't get my 4 year old trained asap, she will not be able to attend kindergarten this fall at which time she will be 5.  I can't afford to pay for another year of daycare either.

by on Feb. 4, 2018 at 9:18 PM
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Replies (1-5):
AidanTiarra
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 10:01 PM
Has she been checked for any medical reason that may be causing this?

I work with preschool aged kids that have autism. Our methods vary based on each child, but the two most successful things we do are:

Give them something each time they succeed at using the potty. It has to be something that the child really loves and they cannot have it any other time while they are potty training for any reason. For example if you use Skittles then she can't earn or get Skittles any other way.

Ignoring accident and giving her tons of praise when she uses the potty. Clean her up of course, but don't talk to her or anything while you do it. Don't punish her, just clean her up and go about whatever you were doing.

There are usually three reasons why kids are harder to potty train.

They are not ready physically or mentally and in that case you can't force it.

They are not motivated enough to want to. Either because they are afraid of something or it's too much work. In this case a better reward often helps.

The other one is attention. For kids who really thrive on attention the attention that they get when they have an accident is too fulfilling.

With my own personal kids competition is almost always the best way to get them to do something. I don't know how old your other kid (s) are but my 3 and 5 year olds are extrem5competative with each other
jjsong
by on Feb. 5, 2018 at 6:13 PM

While reading your post I was left wondering why she is potty training so much later than your other three girls and why her daycare refuses to allow pullups or help with her training?  Is she less capable than your other 3?  Did the time slip away because of being busy with mothering 4 daughters especially if she has a strong will?  Sometimes too late is as hard as too early when it comes to potty training.  As an older child she holds a lot of power by not cooperating.  If she is a normal child, I think I would involve her in the cleaning up of her underwear.  Not by shaming her but by matter of factly having her take part in the work, smell and mess with her underware.  Possibly to the point that she forego some of the money that would be spent on her in order to buy new underwear.  Again without shame and only if she has the mental capability.  Some may call this punishment but I see it as a natural or logical consequence for choosing to not use the toilet long after she has the ability to. and she may find it easier to just use the toilet.  If she is unable to understand then rewards would be more appropriate.  You know your child better than anyone else.  She also may be motivated if she is looking forward to going to school like her sisters and realizes that she won't be able to if she doesn't comply.  Have you spoken to her physician for referrals and advice?  A website that I have found helpful in childrearing advice and technigues is  https://list.ly/Troubled_With/lists  My best to you in this difficult job.  It will eventually resolve itself but in your eyes "not soon enough."

iamcafemom83
by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 5:39 AM
I just wanted to say I'm in the exact same boat as you. My youngest is 3 and has been completely stubborn to potty train! I also trained my older 2 by age 2 and a half.
Mine is completely resistant to rewards and bribes.

I do have to say I think your daycare is failing her, here. Usually it is the other way around...they insist on pull ups. I dont see why they couldn't guide her and help encourage her to use the bathroom. Could you meet with the director to discuss this?
aimee3bunnies
by on Feb. 10, 2018 at 9:13 PM
Same here, I have a 4 year old son who is not potty trained. He also goes to daycare in pull-ups. I have tried child led potty training. I still think he will do it when he is ready like my daughter did. She is 27 months and is potty trained .

Quoting iamcafemom83: I just wanted to say I'm in the exact same boat as you. My youngest is 3 and has been completely stubborn to potty train! I also trained my older 2 by age 2 and a half.
Mine is completely resistant to rewards and bribes.

I do have to say I think your daycare is failing her, here. Usually it is the other way around...they insist on pull ups. I dont see why they couldn't guide her and help encourage her to use the bathroom. Could you meet with the director to discuss this?
aimee3bunnies
by on Mar. 12, 2018 at 4:16 PM
How’s the potty training going with your daughter? I also have a very stubborn 4 year old boy that doesn’t poop in the potty.
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