Been married 15 years.

Had Jason as a single mom.

Dustin was born a year after we got married.

Dustin was diagnosed missing part of his Cerrebellum & Pons at 2-1/2 months old.

Dustin had G-Tube inserted at 3 months old.

Dustin's Liver failed at 9 months.

Dustin reached 10 pounds at 10 months old.

Dustin started having Grand Mal Seizures on April 1st 1996.

Dustin's last Grand Mal was June 6, 1996. After that he lived with 25-30 petite mal seizures every day for the rest of his life.

Dustin was trached in September 1997.

Dustin passed away October 28, 1998.

We buried Dustin on Halloween.

We took Jason to Disney World in December 1998.

In June1999, Jason wanted to go live with his father.

I picked Jason up for spring break 2005, and the day after, his father blew up the house.  It took 9 months for him to die.

I had my first heart attack January 1, 2006.

When I came home from the hospital, Jason decided he didn't like our rules, and I wasn't going to fight with him.  I said there is the door.  He was gone that night. He moved in with my mother at the end of January 2006.

Jason had an inheritance from the sale of his dad's house/property of $30,000.00.  It was gone in a year. (Cars, Drugs)  He has nothing to show for it.

Jason is turning 21 next week, he is still living with my mother, quits every job he's ever had.  Thinks the world owes him.  Still won't grow up.

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a mother.  Can you see why?  I am depressed.  Have been depressed since Dustin was sick.  Am on anti depressants, but I don't think they work any more.  My doctor moved away, and can't find one that I am comfortable with.  Husband retired this past year in order to keep health insurance, so he is home all the time.  I work part time at Wal*Mart to get out of the house.  We went from making $60,000.00 a year to under $10,000.00 this year.

This year is the first time in 5 years that Jason actually gave me a gift for mothers day - A plant.  No cards, no calls, nothing for 5 years!

My best friend died in 2007, so I really have no one to talk to.  I need a friend.