My son Connor likes to watch Elmo on TV, play with his Elmo Live,

etc; but really, I think I like Elmo more than he does, and I get him
Elmo stuff because I like it.

My favorite place to be is at my Mom's house. I wish that we lived
closer to each other, it's so relaxing for me to just sit and watch TV
with my parents and talk about unimportant shit. I wish I saw my sister
more often too.

I really like smoking. I know it's a horrible, unhealthy habit, and
it's bad for my baby (I don't smoke around him, btw) but I don't really
want to quit, because I like it so much. It's not even really an
addiction to nicotine, which I'm sure I have, I just love how it makes
me feel, how it tastes and smells. It really takes the edge off of my
stress.


I love my Mom. She is truly my best friend. Ryan and Millie are
definitely up there, but I can honestly tell my mom anything, and
she'll talk to me about it. I feel like I can completely let my
defenses down around her, and she protects me. I don't do it often,
because it upsets her when I'm upset; and then I feel guilty. I don't
want to think about losing her.

Some of my major pet
peeves are when people mix up you're and your, there and their and
they're, etc. I correct grammar in my head whenever I read things on
the internet or when someone's talking. I don't do it to feel elitist
or anything, I just figure if you're going to speak a language, you
should do it right.

I want to learn Spanish so that I can teach it to my kids. I just
have a feeling that it'll be quite a useful skill in the future of this
country. As a parent, it's my job to prepare my children for the real
world, and teaching them Spanish would be preparing them for life in
the real world.

I don't know what my dream job is. When I was in high school, I
told myself I wanted to be an artist or an actor, but I really don't
think I'm suited for either of those things, even though I like them. I
guess I'm living my dream job now, being a stay at home mom.

When I'm mad at someone, or I don't like them, I can't look them in
the face or the eyes. I just feel like I'm going to go off and lose it
if I do.

I daydream a lot about what Connor is going to be like when he
grows up. Once, I imagined him like a combination of Eric, Hyde and
Kelso from That 70's Show. I hope that I can be a good enough parent to
make him a good person. I want him to be independent and strong, but
sensitive and tolerant too. I really want to teach him that happiness
shouldn't be dependent on someone else, that you have to make yourself
happy. But I don't know if I can, because maybe it's something you have
to learn for yourself the hard way.