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  Submitted by

  • adulation

  at 9:52 AM on August 28, 2008

  Cindy Lou Hensley McCain (born Cindy Lou Hensley on May 20, 1954) is the wife of U.S. Senator, ill-fated presidential candidate, elderly curmudgeon, and dick John McCain. She, herself, is a multi-millionaire, pill-popper—a combination sometimes referred to as a “pillionaire”—and an excellent example of why people should stop after one facelift, two max. She is also a dick.

  
  

  Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama (born January 17, 1964) is the wife of U.S. senator, presumptive presidential candidate, and Oprah panty-moistener Barack Obama. She is also a lawyer, terrorist fist-jabber, and a dick.

  
  

  Phillip Calvin McGraw (born September 1, 1950), better known as Dr. Phil, is a psychologist, author, TV personality and a dick. He is also Oprah’s bitch.

  
  

  Dr. Phil works in the field of TV medicine, or “doctortainment.” Until recently, he has been a doctortainer of the highest order, along the lines of Dr. Ruth. However, experts in the field expect that he will soon fall to the category’s lowest ranks, a phenomenon known as the “Joyce Brothers effect,” of which the primary symptom is a regular appearance on Hollywood Squares.

  
  

  Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson, AO (born January 3, 1956) is an Academy Award-winning actor, director, producer, screenwriter, alcoholic, anti-Semite, and a dick. After establishing himself as a household name by appearing in such classics as Tequila Sunrise and Bird on a Wire, Gibson went on to direct and star in Braveheart, a film whose most famous scene involves an entire army bending over, lifting up its skirts, and waggling its collected buttocks at another army, which in response stands there with its swords erect, ready to ram deep inside the enemy’s “line.” Not surprisingly, this film is especially popular in American fraternity houses, along with tea bagging, communal showers, and bathroom stalls with no door.

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  Submitted by

  • Rebecca1025

  at 5:12 PM on August 28, 2008

  freaking hilarious. In my favoirtes when I need to take myself less seriously.

• 
  Submitted by

  • allybot

  at 5:37 PM on August 29, 2008

  that is so awesome. hahahah

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