I was driving to my sister-in-law's house two hours away to give my husband a break. He has a chronic illness and requires a lot of rest.
Anyway... It's just a two hour drive. It is totally do-able without a stop. Unless I have to pee. But I have an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old. Stopping at a rest stop with the two of them so mommy can pee is just a logistical nightmare. So I pee right before I go and hit the road.
Except that I left at 6:00 at night and needed a large coffee. I planned ahead and bought it on the way home from work, grabbed the kids (I had packed the night before) and hit the road. About 45 minutes into the trip, I have to pee like you would not believe. It's dark outside. Do I stop and pee alongside the road? The baby is asleep and does not travel well at night when it is dark since he wants to see what is going on. If I stop and he wakes up, do I want to hear him scream for the next hour and fifteen minutes?
Then of course there is the issue of the bathroom stall. I have a double stroller. It doesn't always fit in the handicapped stall, so I find myself having to pee with the door open and the stroller outside the stall. Do I want to do this? Everyone will know that I actually sit on the public toilet instead of hovering like you are "supposed" to.
I eye the large coffee cup, now empty. I can fill it. It's a plan. I take off my pants and underwear. I cannot come up with a plan as to how to pee with them on. That large cup will fit delicately under me as I blaze down the highway. I have to take my seatbelt off though to make it all work.
I push up with my left leg to get some space between me and the seat to fit the cup. The cup fits! After a few minutes of trying to convince myself to relax and start peeing, the stream begins. And it continues. And it continues. Oh no. And it continues. I fill the cup and feel dribbles roll down the back of the cup. Quick! Stop peeing! STOP PEEING!
I put the cup in the cup holder... all the while pondering, "Am I so tired that I might forget there is no more coffee in there and drink it by mistake?!"
Fortunately, my father made me put a roll of paper towels in the car when my son had the flu. I whip those out and start sliding paper towels under me. Wads and wads of them. I feel the back of my shirt start to collect the piss.
Now I am sitting without pants on in the car, paper towels under me, no seatbelt on, driving down the highway.
I can see the coroner's report - "She was not wearing her seatbelt and was ejected out the window... and right out of her pants."
I put my seatbelt back on.
Surely it will dry under me in the next hour and fifteen minutes?
But I DID NOT WAKE THE BABY!!
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