I was driving to my sister-in-law's house two hours away to give my husband a break. He has a chronic illness and requires a lot of rest.

Anyway... It's just a two hour drive. It is totally do-able without a stop. Unless I have to pee. But I have an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old. Stopping at a rest stop with the two of them so mommy can pee is just a logistical nightmare. So I pee right before I go and hit the road.

Except that I left at 6:00 at night and needed a large coffee. I planned ahead and bought it on the way home from work, grabbed the kids (I had packed the night before) and hit the road. About 45 minutes into the trip, I have to pee like you would not believe. It's dark outside. Do I stop and pee alongside the road? The baby is asleep and does not travel well at night when it is dark since he wants to see what is going on. If I stop and he wakes up, do I want to hear him scream for the next hour and fifteen minutes?

Then of course there is the issue of the bathroom stall. I have a double stroller. It doesn't always fit in the handicapped stall, so I find myself having to pee with the door open and the stroller outside the stall. Do I want to do this? Everyone will know that I actually sit on the public toilet instead of hovering like you are "supposed" to.

I eye the large coffee cup, now empty. I can fill it. It's a plan. I take off my pants and underwear. I cannot come up with a plan as to how to pee with them on. That large cup will fit delicately under me as I blaze down the highway. I have to take my seatbelt off though to make it all work.

I push up with my left leg to get some space between me and the seat to fit the cup. The cup fits! After a few minutes of trying to convince myself to relax and start peeing, the stream begins. And it continues. And it continues. Oh no. And it continues. I fill the cup and feel dribbles roll down the back of the cup. Quick! Stop peeing! STOP PEEING!

I put the cup in the cup holder... all the while pondering, "Am I so tired that I might forget there is no more coffee in there and drink it by mistake?!"

Fortunately, my father made me put a roll of paper towels in the car when my son had the flu. I whip those out and start sliding paper towels under me. Wads and wads of them. I feel the back of my shirt start to collect the piss.

Now I am sitting without pants on in the car, paper towels under me, no seatbelt on, driving down the highway.

I can see the coroner's report - "She was not wearing her seatbelt and was ejected out the window... and right out of her pants."

I put my seatbelt back on.

Surely it will dry under me in the next hour and fifteen minutes?

But I DID NOT WAKE THE BABY!!

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Comments:

MizzDee
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:33 PM Great story!  LMAO...not at you, but at the coroner's report and the fact that it could happen to any of us!

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robin...
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:35 PM That's a creative idea only a mother could come up with! Like you said....at least you didn't wake the baby!!

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Cooki...
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:36 PM HAHAHA!  You have a way with words.

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kirsten1
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:37 PM    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is so funny. The things we do as mothers!!!!! Gotta pass this one on.

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sls334
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:45 PM I sit, too.  ;)

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Myana...
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:46 PM

OMG!!! I will have to applaud you for your creativity!!!! AND for not waking the baby!! I know how it is to pee with the door open.. I had a c-section and I can not always hold it so when I have to go.. I HAVE TO GO... so I leave the door open and I talk to my 9 month old... she likes to chat so that makes me feel safer...

I hope you dried up by the time you made it to your SL... next time bring a bucket!! lol

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tuffn...
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:48 PM Hahaah Kirsten1 sent me here. This is so funny. My dh drives a truck. You wouldn't believe how quickly you learn to pee in a cup, standing, while vehicle in motion. LOL

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LYNDELOU
Jan. 10, 2008 at 3:54 PM

LMAO...Must admit I have had to pee in a cup as well , but my cup did NOT run over....Tooo funny!!! Glad my friend E passed this on to me...

Great post...We need more post like this to hit popular to take heat off the drama .......So I am voting popular even though you may not what everyone to know you peed on yourself.....LMAO...I loved the whole story, so well written and with much detail....

Way to go girl !!

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kater
Jan. 10, 2008 at 4:40 PM wow.  just wow.  i can't believe yo actually filled a cup.  i have a hard time peeing up to the line on the teeny urinalysis cups.  wow.

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simpl...
Jan. 10, 2008 at 6:53 PM

LMAO, great post. Thanks, I needed that laugh

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