Husbands can be so useless...

[PrincipessaLily]

Lately, I've been quite fustrated. I have no outlet and the outlets I do seek for me time seem to just be futile. The only place I seem to find to just be alone is in the shower. I've had to move those to the evening because if I take it during the day I have to have Aidan just outside the door. THere are so many things I miss doing. My husband loves me but instead of even offering to watch Aidan for an hour he gets on the computer. Me, on the other hand stole this entire day to just goof on the computer all day after having a hiatus from it for months, but to check mail. There's so much I need to get done. Chris whined about me not making money so I took a commission making an 1860s dress and underpinnings. BUT when I ask him to watch Aidan he huffs and sighs and says," why don't you just wear him like you always do?"

 Why?  

I'll tell you why... Because, even though you didn't have to go to work til noon, you didn't do a thing but get up at 10 when I practically pushed you out of bed. THen you went to the computer and after getting your shower and the bit of info off the computer you needed you play on myspace or you game til you have to leave. Then when you get home, you resume said activities. While you're out standing at attention or folding a flag, I'm trying to clean, do laundry, pack so we can move in two weeks, change diapers, feed baby, work while entertaining baby, run errands, and oh yeah, try not to fall asleep because the baby keeps waking in the middle of the night and then wants to stay awake for the next two to three hours no matter how much light there isn't, lullabyes I sing, or laps I walk. The whole time, you sleep. You say you wake, and yes you may briefly, but you're getting more real rest than i am currently.  How about after I nurse, you walk him to sleep? I'm not even sure when I last got some to have REM sleep. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I never expected to feel like I'm doing a lot of the work... and I'm not just talking about the baby. Hell, I constantly have to ask him to take out the trash or scoop the cat litter and even that is a chore. I've stopped asking about the trash because it will just sit for a week or more or until I take it. I hate the words, "I'll do it later." I 'm just tired and irritated. I can't even escape him complaining about the one chore I insist he does do.. the dishes since he makes the majority of them.   

 

      THen on top of that, he's been telling me how to put Aidan to bed. Certain things at certain times. I know he's just trying to be helpful, but I have been the one to do most nights til recently. Yes I want to just sit in a rocker and rock. I'm tired. I've been busting my arse all day and my smile's fading or just already gone. If he wants it done a certain way, he needs to do it himself or leave me alone. Hell he's usually just playing on the computer anyway. Daddy bath... whatever happened to mommy bath? I miss it. Everytime I start to make it a momy bath, it becomes family bath. I don't want him dictating to me on how to and in what order to put my son to sleep. At least I sing to him instead of just shhhing him the whole time. I can't even seem to feed him solids right when the hubby is around. So I've just let him do it and stuck to nursing. He at least can't say I'm doing that wrong because he knows I'm bite his head off like a vicious dog. Nursing is important to me and I fought to keep it as well as to get it established. I just feed him solids in the morning sometimes. But then he doesn't really want to nurse and that makes me feel sad and even rejected. I have a feeling it's going to be hard on me to wheen.  Maybe I should just go for a walk and cry.  I know it'd be healthy.I think I should also start writing in my journal again, but I worry i would accidentally leave it some place. *sighs* At least here seems to be a good place to start to vent.

 

 

   I gave up my career for this huh? Don't get me wrong. I don't regret my decision. I just wonder if the timing could have been much better. My son is my Angel. His smiles every day keep me going. His tears drive me to my own set. His laughter is the balm to my soul. But even soul searchers need a breather.

[harris071297]

May. 22, 2008 at 1:02 PM I understand hon.  Now on top of all ofthat you're trying to work from home too.  It is the most frustrating thing in the world.  I'm proud of you on the nursing though.  I know it was a real struggle at first but you fought through it like I've seen you fight through so much.  If you ever need me to come knock your dear sweet pigheaded hubby upside the head I will.   We all love him but we know how irritating he can be!