May 2008

[liz1918]

 A month has flown by already.  I just cannot believe it!  Time goes by so slow when you're pregnant and waiting for the baby to arive and yet it flies so quick once they're here.  Maddy will be five weeks tomarrow and I almost shed a tear thinking about it all, her birth, her jaundice, my bout of engorgment that led to mastisis, the cracks in my poor nipples from a baby barely able to latch, spoon feeding her breastmilk, and sewing little diapers only to have to turn around and move the elastic out once a week to keep them fitting...

So many precious little things that I will forever cherish have happened in this short time span.  So many things that I am sure will fade to memories but am able to enjoy today.  It's a miracle that our journey has come this far.  After I suffered a devastating loss and learned that I had low progesterone and may lose her, those first twelve weeks of pregnancy I walked on egg shells.  Every spotting episode, from implantation to the tear in the placenta, had me begging god for mercy.  When I went into labor at 36 weeks and was unsure if I could make it past the premature birth mark and that week I spent sitting here with my feet up watching my spotless home turn into the before picture of a "clean house" disaster and the day and a half it took me to whip this place back into shape sent me into labor any way.  I got the homebirth I wanted, although not quite how I planned it I was innerly tickled pink when the birth certificate came the other day with my address listed as the 'hospital, institution or place of birth'. 

Each of my children is different, and with each one I've learned more and been able to be a better parent.  I went with complete cloth diaper use this time, skipping the toxic plastic ones when we're out and about.  We are practicing natural infant hygene, or ECing Maddy and she is doing so well with it.  I feel absolutly awful when we have a miss and she has to soil herself.  I do however find it amusing when she has a miss on daddy during her "nekkid" times of the day.  I hate labels but I guess I'd say I'm an AP parent, we co-sleep, breast feed, CD, EC, I allow Maddy nekkid time to lay skin to skin on my tummy and the only time I'm not holding her is when I shower or when we lay under the toy.  Her little coo's are my joy, her tiny tears are my pain and I feel such a strong bond to her it's as if she's got the ability to tell me things by the look in her eyes.  My heart swells with pride and my breast tingle as if letting down when I think of her.

My older children too are becoming attached to her in a deep way.  Austin, who was afraid to hold her in the beginning has now starting to play with her and offer his fingers for her to grab onto.  Evie is so protective of her and also strangly in tune to her needs, she can tell the difference in a hungry cry to a sad wail of a belly ache or need to go.  "Mama," she says, "Maddy needs to go potty"  "Mama she needs the boobies"  Her little mama instinct is so strong with Maddy.  I've seen her put her own self in between our dog and the car seat as I set it down to take my shoes off before extracting Maddy because she thought the dog might bump the seat.  I cried that day, to see a love so strong she'd put her self in danger before her baby sister *sniff* It brings a tear to my eye now even. 

I've been on a greening quest for a couple of years now, begining with adopting my mother''s homeopathic remedies and herbal treatments and the box of worms we kept in the kitchen to compost.  I've come a long way from that and have began to green the kids with nature walks and teaching them to recycle.  Austin brings me litter he finds outside and Evie loves to make recycled crafts.  Little Maddy even does her part by keeping waste in the sewers and out of the trash and wearing clothes I've made or recycled.  I am hoping that all of my children, now and in the future will cherish nature and respect it as much.

With each passing day our love of each other grows and bonds are strengthened.  I am doing my best to do all that I can to give them as much happiness as they bring me, without the headaches they give me =)

 

[shannonmimi]

May. 23, 2008 at 10:53 AM Oh, Liz, as usual a beautiful post! I wish we could have more kids so Em could experience this! This brought tears to my eyes..Did your birth story get into the newspaper? And, ya know? Most women would be bitchin' instead of being grateful..You are an inspiration to me. YOU ROCK!