I know its wrong but.....

Okay so first of all I've been with my boyfriend since Jan 2002 bt we didnt really get serious till 2005 because between those years we were both seeing other people bt still had a relationship cuz of our daughter (who is now 5) in 2005 we got more serious cuz we ended getting pregos again wit our second daughter (who is now bout to be 2) and we ended up moving in together n now we r still livin together my daily routine is wake up take care or kids he gets home around 9pm n he leaves at 730am so (u tell me if thats some crazy ass hours) neway i love my boyfriend but i dont feel that special kinda love. I put up wit him for our daughters. Just me thinking of putting our girls thru that situation sucks i know i went thru it wit my parents n my bf had it the same. But neways i've been talking to this guy for about a month now n he tells a girls all the things u wana hear, he gives me those butterflies when i see his name n number pop up on my cell, he's so charming, wit all the compliments he gives. but we are also very straight forward with what type of relationship we are gona have he knows i have 2 kids n am living wit my bf, he just recently came to visit me here at my house cuz i told him we should meet n see if we have any type of connection u know face to face, plus my bf works all day so he's gone and at the moment my kids are wit my parents giving me a lil break. so neway yea he came ovr we talked i was super duper nervous i couldnt even stare at him but then i got a lil more comfortable n we basically cuddled the whole time he was here i was actually happy n the sad thing is i didnt miss my boyfriend i felt as if we were together (me n the other guy) he lives here in the bay area as well so he drove, so my whole point of writing this is, its been a long time that i havent felt like this n i honestly am not in love wit my boyfriend i really aint n not cuz this other guy is in the picture. About 2yrs ago i cheated on my boyfriend wit one of my ex's n i dnt regret it. Shit I'm young i dont feel as if i need to settle dwn right now i dnt even wana boyfriend i know, i know, i have 2 kids with him but i dnt wana lose my life, i feel like i get now where when im here, i knw i have kids n i have a responsibility i know that bt i think i dnt have to be wit sumone i'm not in love wit. i was in love wit him bt i'm not anymore we were to young, we were stupid, didnt know what the fuck we was getin into at such a young age i dnt regret my kids nevr would but i would have used protection so i wouldnt be in the prediciment. So me n this other guy he knows how i work i told him im not tryna play games wit him i knw he's gotta life n i know if he was to get a girlfriend we probably wouldnt talk ne more, n he knows i gotta man & kids so he knows my priorities in my life, bt we also r tryna become really good friends so that we can always have a relationship on sum type of level. We tell each other our fears, our goals, where we wana be in 1to5yrs from now, things like that so its not just physical cuz i really wana friend as well as a lover. Well basically i dnt have the fucken guts to tell my boyfriend i wana leave him but my reason for not leaving him is my girls i dnt want them to see us go thru that type of shit i figure i can stick this out for another year at least or two. 

Tags: cheating on bf

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