End of relationship--time to move out?

[Kattxbrat]

For a while now my boyfriend and I have been trying to "work out" our lives in making it more bearable and happy to live with one another but lately it just seems he's turned numb and cold and completely wants to tune me out of his life. I was trying to bear with it, knowing he's going through a rough time at work being a manager of a food resturant, so I would still do the little gestures to assure him I love him and care for him, coming up randomly several times a day to hug him while he's on the computer or in the kitchen getting a snack or kissing him on the cheek. But each time I ask "So how are you feelng?" or "You doing okay?" He gets very quiet and sounds depressed when he answers, "Okay...I guess."

 We talked about this the other night actually, what do we want from each other, what do we need to stop doing or get rid of or improve, what would make us happy in general. I told him I miss how he used to be, would like to cuddle watching a movie or joke around a lot when we went out shopping or want to go out and see movies when our daughter is staying with the grandparents.

His anaylsis of it was "You just want romance, not love." That dumbfounded me a bit. Don't you "romance" someone you do love? I'm not talking I want to be wined and dined and showered with gifts, but just reassuring gestures from him like the random hugs and kisses I give him. Lately even when I do hug him, he doesn't even hug me back. He just stands there like he's just trying to tolerate me. And last night really hit me, making me realize its pretty much over. A lot of times I like to sleep naked to semi-naked, either just wearing panties or nothing at all. It was still early in the morning and he was just going to bed, having finally gotten off the computer. The light was still on in teh room and with him lying down shifting the bed I slowly woke up. When I saw he was just lying down to sleep, I closed my eyes to fall back asleep too. I was kinda peeking though beneath half closed lids as he pulled the sheets over him, then I saw him turn towards me. The covers were half on me, half off, showing my bare legs, arm and half my chest so was easy to tell I had no clothing on. I hear him suddenly say "Oh god," and turn over again to lie down with his back to me. And it wasn't a "oh god, she's naked, wowza," it was a "oh god" as in total disgust. My heart just sank. It used to turn him on or he just wouldn't mind it, but that he would say that...yeah its over. I know I'm nothing great to look at, I would at least like to think I'm decent or okay-looking. Now I feel like the ugliest thing in the world.

 I even got up then and there and threw on my tank top and shorts then I got up out of bed and turned off the lights for him and said, "I'm sorry." He mumbles "for what?" I answer in turn, "for disgusting you with my naked body. I put clothes back on. I've just gotten used to sleeping naked since its comfortable." Then I grabbed one of the bed covers, a pillow, and went to go sleep out on the living room couch for the rest of the night. He never said anything in objection or agreement. He didn't say anything at all.

So that pretty much tells me he's done with our trying to work our "relationship" out. And I don't know what I'm going to do from here. I'm a SAHM with our two, soon to be three year old daughter. I haven't worked since I was pregnant with her and honestly I'm a little scared to get a job as far as the social aspect. I heard there are a lot of jobs you can do from at home but a lot of those are either a scam or cost a lot of money to get started and even then its based on your luck with commissions. I was hoping to go back to school this fall but if I'm seriously thinking of getting a place of my own with our daughter, I'll need to get a job instead. Or just go on living with this guy as some sort of roommate...its emotionally painful to think of it like that now, but I'm hoping to get over it quickly if thats what I plan to do...

[DessyDale]

May. 25, 2008 at 11:11 AM

Don't stay in that relationship.  You deserve so much more!  Everyone deserves to be loved and there is someone out there who will love you as much as you love them.  Your daughter needs a mother who is happy in all aspects of her life.  What kind of example would you be giving her if you stay in this relationship?  I think it would be teaching her that you're not worthy of being loved and then she may feel that she is not worthy either.

I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't love me.  I'm praying you will find the strength you need to get out and live a happy life.

[Jeanie0077]

May. 25, 2008 at 11:43 AM

Hey Katt,

I just read your journal post, and my heart goes out to you. My first marriage ended kinda like that. My husband was really stressed out and didn't want to work things out with me. Getting divorced was a very long process. We lived like roommates for a while- until it was time to start dating other people, then we needed our space and he finally moved out. But I want you to know that you aren't ugly. I know exactly how you feel though. One day my ex came home from work and I was laying in bed with a VERY hot black lingerie set. He opened the door, looked at me - rolled his eyes and said 'I'm tired", then changed his clothes in the bathroom and went out to watch tv. I know you know how much that hurt. I felt sooo unattractive. We never had kids together thank god. But I'm now in a new relationship, and even though times get rough now and then (And I'm tempted to step out) I think about my daughter. I do want her to have a good relationship with her father. If we do break up I would go back to work (I'm an ex-banker), because I know I couldn't stay home with my daughter anymore. Just take things as they come, once you move out or get a roommate, definitely get a job. You'll feel better about being able to support yourself and your daughter. Maybe he's just tired of being a man. Sorry to say that- but some men can't handle it. My thoughts go out to you and your daughter. I hope things work out for you. Oh and hey- just to let you know, when I first looked up your profile I thought 'Wow! a gamer thats hot!" :) So please know that you are a very pretty chic. :) Hugs for you babes.