So, I'm beginning to plan my sweet daughter's first birthday party and I stand back and think..."What am I doing?" I absolutely can not believe that almost a year ago I delivered this small little miracle named Andee. Since her birth, my husband (wonderful he is) has allowed me to stay home just to be his wife and, above all, Andee's mommy. I haven't missed a moment of her entire life with the exception of about 20 hours (spread through the year a few hours at a time). I have been present for every milestone, every bump and fall, and still I feel as if I've missed something. I look back and wonder...did I let her cry one day when I really had the time to pick her up (even though she's spoiled and just wanted to be held) or did I not play with her enough this one day and she wanted to play pat-a-cake. I spend the most of my day playing and loving on this little being and sometimes let her cry for a moment while I put supper on. I feel like a horrible mommy looking back on these moments. I just hope her first year of life has been as wonderful as she has made my life over the last year. However, somewhere in the back of my mind, I want to go back to that couple day old infant lying peacefully in my arms. I want to relive the 3 months of horrible, tiring colic that we made it through. I want to hold that tiny, tiny body of hers as it rests so soundly. I just wonder why do we always want for what is in the past and not see whats in front of us. Now, my little darlin' says "Momma" and melts my heart in an instant. She kisses my cheek and pats it as though to say "Kisses. Stay with Mommy." My heart aches when I look back on this lovely year of my daughter's life. I just want to cherish the memories of her being little.

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