My mind has become a graveyard for Cancer~

[Lexiesmom]

Dear Friends & Family,

As I sit reflecting on how busy the month of May was for our family and how very fast it went by, I can't help but remember what we were doing at this same time 3 years ago.

It was 3 years ago in May 2005 that my very ill daughter, myself and husband traveled to St.Judes Childrens Hospital in Memphis, TN. to begin her cancer treatment.  How scary it was to fly with a sick child for almost a 4 hour flight.  Alexa had already started chemotherapy in Las Vegas and had a vulnerable immune system.  Not to mention she could not get anywhere near comfortable in a airplane seat because of the condition of her spine.  She was frail, ghostly white, no hair, no eyelashes and in a wheelchair---yet her beautiful blue eyes were still full of life.  I knew my sweet girl was in for the fight of her life. 

Unfortunately, chemo did not stop while she received her radiation.  The two treatments combined made her so weak and exhausted that she was basically confined to her bed at the Ronald McDonald House.  Oh how I dreaded having to wake her up for her all day appointments at the hospital after an agonizing night of pain and relentless vomiting.  Alexa had a common side effect from one of the chemo drugs that caused NEUROPATHY-(NERVE PAIN).  Just the brush of her bed sheet was painful.  We could hardly touch her.  On top of that, we had to give her daily injections of a drug to boost her immune system.  The injections had to be given in her thigh.  We tried to numb the area with ice but because of her neuropathy...the pain was horrible.  Nine times out of ten she was not lucky enough to boost her immune system enough to ward off a fever---so off to the hospital once again for more tests, antibiotics, pokes, needles and blood transfusions.  At times I truly believed her torture would never end. 

Just when I think that I have conquered this pathetic beast called cancer...it slowly tears away at my mind piece by piece until it forms a giant waterfall of tears that flow just long enough for me to wipe them away, blow my nose, take a deep breath and wait patiently for the next round of tests just to hear those words once again ---REMISSION. 

My mind has become a graveyard for cancer.  Images of bald heads, scars, radiation marks, missing legs, needles, pain ,crying, little pink hospital pans with kids hanging there nauseated heads in them.  These images haunt me.  No matter how many times I bury these images...they never seem to be at rest.  They just lie dormant...Kind of like remission.  You never know when cancer will rear it's UGLY head once again.  Welcome to the everyday world of Cancer.

Peace Out~

MEL

[VivianasMommy]

May. 31, 2008 at 5:17 PM

Ah I love you Mel!! I am sorry hun. I hope some day it will all go away for you and everything will be ok =)

XOXO

[crissy]

May. 31, 2008 at 5:47 PM

Hey sweetie,

Thanks for sharing, although not a happy post, it is what Lexie (and the rest of the family ) went through, memories you want to go away, but knowing what you all have been through and where you are now, with alot of prayers and God watching over Miss Lexie, they will only be memories and be a part of your  past.. Although I don't know what you went through, with this post I sort of understand and being there for my dear friends Curtis and Paulina, it sort of helps me to understand what they are going through. I do see what Paulina goes through because I see her more than I do Curtis. I will keep sending my prayers your way for Lexie. I love you My Little Mel, and I am always here for you, hugs and much , much Love,

your-Crissygirl♥♥

[Triscuit]

Jun. 2, 2008 at 9:36 AM

My heart just breaks for all of you and those that suffer through that every day. I truly can't imagine and hope and pray I never will, I don't think I am strong enough for that.  My hubby told me yesterday that he can't believe Lexie had cancer, she just looks so great.

I really do pray that the cancer stays gone forever and you never have to deal with that again. Damn, you would think with all the technology and other things that they have found cures for that they would figure out how to cure it too,  somehow.  Like a vaccination of something, ugh...it affects soooo many ppl now a days.

Over time  those horrible memories will fade for you but I know, not quick enough. Poor thing, I'm sorry:(   Just keep your head up and stay strong, if it wasn't for you she would have never gotten through that.  Love Ya girl

[meimeisunshine]

Jun. 2, 2008 at 11:10 PM Your thought-provoking words brought tears to my eyes.  I knew Alexa was amazing the first time I ever met her; I knew she was very special.  I didn't know until later when Alex told me she was a cancer survivor.  You and Art and Alexa are incredibly special to us; I remember holding your hand so tight when our broken hearts suffered the loss of Zoey.  I will never forget how comforting it was to have you by my side during that difficult time; a true friend.  You are so beautiful and amazing and strong, and I am so fortunate to have you in my life.  I love you Mel, you are a kind and caring spirit.