We've been married for 24 years.  He was my high school sweetheart.  We married young, probably too young, and started a family.  We have 3 beautiful kids. 2 children are away at college.  I only have one left at home to baby.  You may not believe this but for the first 22 years of our marriage, we never fought.  The last 2 years have been lonely, tiring, and a living hell. 

Me, I never thought this could happen to me.  I guess all the nay-sayers were right back in 1984 when they whispered we would never make it.   When do you supposed it stopped, his love for me I mean?  I must have been gradual, because I never saw it coming (or going as the case may be).  I thought that his love would always, always be there for me; in sickness and in health and in good times and bad.  I was so very wrong.  There's no love in the bad times.  I'm all alone with the bad and I can tell you there is no love here to hold on to. 

Truth be known, we've beem in a bad place the last 2 years.  But I never even entertained the idea that he would stop loving me.  For God's sake, we are Jeff and Anjie.  We have been together since I was 14 years old.  The universe put us together and we were joined by God.  How can this happen?  When do I quit fighting so hard  to save our marriage?  Who's going to save me? Who is going to save our children from the ugly stench of divorce? 

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Jun. 1, 2008 at 12:25 AM I am so sorry that you are going through this!  I can actually feel the pain you are going through right now through the words you have written.  My husband and I went through something similar, though we haven't been married as long as you, but we worked it out.  Not for our first child, but for us.  The one thing that I've realized over the years from watching my parents go through 3 seperations and 2 almost divoces, and my husband and I going through 2 seperations and 1 almost divorce, and his parents going through a divorce, is that your love for somebody doesn't just dissappear (unless something drastic has happened like infidelity or abuse of any sort).  What most people don't realize is that love changes.  And it gets harder to be just 2 again once the children start "leaving the nest".  I hope that it's just a phase that your husband is going through and not something that will last.  I don't know your name, but you are in my thoughts and my prayers sweetie!  I am so sorry...

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Jun. 1, 2008 at 12:26 AM Get some counseling hon. Your both stuck in a rut and need to find each other again. Do NOT give up!!!

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Jun. 1, 2008 at 12:32 AM Been there and done that.  I started to date my ex husband when I was 15.  After just about being together for 28 yrs he left me for another woman while I was pregnant with our 5th and last baby.  That was just about 3 yrs ago now.  I have finaly gotten over the hurt.  I've moved on.  Even if I don't have a man in my life at this time.  I am now happy with things the way they are.  When he first left me up until last summer he kept saying he wanted to be friends.  I told him no.  If I could not be his wife still then I did not want to be his friend.  We are still not divorce.  But he live's with his girlfriend and I'm living with our oldest daughter and your youngest son. 

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Jun. 1, 2008 at 12:45 AM I totally understand what you are going through.  My husband and I have been together for 21 years and have 4 children.  My youngest is the last one at home and my husband works in another state since he is in construction and the pay is better there than in our home state.  He has been out there for almost 2 years and only comes home for holidays and birthdays when he can.  I love seeing him when he comes home, but now we have almost nothing in common.  He seems to be having a good time out there and has met a lot of new people to be with.  He seems to be always on the go there on his days off and I am still here cleaning the house, doing the yard-work, paying the bills etc, and my youngest is not at home that much, working and hanging out with his friends.  I find it quite lonely now.   So much so that drinking as soon as I would come home from work until it was dark was how I spent most of my time.  I have gotten past that and am trying to get some hobbies of my own and take care of me for a change.   I really enjoy this site I just found it.  It lets me chat with others and get advise from others and feel better.  You are in my prayers and in time you will feel better. 

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Jun. 4, 2008 at 12:54 AM Thanks so much to everyone who replied to my post.  While I was reading them, the tears were just rolling down my cheeks. Sometimes it helps to just know that somebody out there cares.  I continue to deal with this with my husband.  We have these huge arguments that last for days and then we makeup.  I am afraid that one day I might not want to makeup anymore and leave.  Marriage is so very hard.  What makes it even harder is that for the first 23 years our marriage was perfect.  This left us with no skills to argue with.  We don't know how to argue. 
Thanks to everybody!

Anonymous (Original Poster)

Jun. 5, 2008 at 2:23 PM

I found this material that might just be able to help you and your situation... I agree with it so whole hearted that I started a group here on cafemom about it... anyway ..go and check the website out


there are little video clips you can view and then if you want you can head on over to my group here I have additional information organized there as well based on the book Love and Respect...


You both really can make it through this... but you both have to really want it bad enought to fight for it.... please contact me if you want to I would love to speak with you more about this...

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