I write these journal to express how I feel and right now I feel like taking all three of my kids and running away.I feel like I have been a failure and a let down to my kids and it is just killing me inside.I am still residing with my children's father and it is like I'm living in hell.I am currently sleeping in the same bed with my son because I in no way want their dad to speak or touch me in anyway.I have been placed in depression medication and I'm hurting inside.I deal with my kids day in and day out,often neglecting myself and Iam getting emotionally drained.My youngest daughter has Sickle Cell Disease and has been diagnosed with ADHD,in which I feel is my fault.Me and her dad argue all the time and it has even lead to physical altercations.Right now I don't know what to do.I have family in Geaorgia(Decautur and Stonemountain and I speak to my godsister who lives there every other day,she is in her upper 30's and is encouraging me to leave and move down there.Now is the time I feel like packing me and my kids up and leaving.I feel like a single mother eventhough I live with there dad I really don't  think he will ever wisen up and do what he needs to do for us.I even told him to not think about me but just think about our kids.Im tired of fighting,crying and being lonely.I wish I could runaway.Every night I look at my 8 year old child and cry.Her behavioral issues is because of me,and I don't want her to hate me for it.I think she gives me the most problems because she is a daddy's girl and she see's that I don't speak,look or communicate with him in a loving matter.I don't want to be with him anymore because I feel that all the burden of this household is on my shoulders and he is not doing anything to lift them off.I have Sickle Cell Disease and so do my two daughters and all I want is for them to be happy.I feel like Running away to Georgia,sorry its so long.As I sit and write this,their are tears of pain running down my face.Im tired of crying and just want to be happy.

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Rynnn
Jun. 1, 2008 at 1:25 AM

Hon, there is Nothing you did wrong to cause your child to have any of the above mentioned problems. If your godsister is encouraging you to get away, then maybe this is God's way of saying it's time to move on and get out of that abusive relationship.  Jesus does not want anyone to be hurt by another person, and certainly by a man that could do you and your children any harm.  I would go ahead and leave for awhile and see where God wants you to be. Pray about it and know that you have done nothing wrong to your children. You are a good Momma and you love your children. Jesus has entrusted you with those babies and He knows that you are going to raise them up well. :)

Know He is there for you always, and my thoughts and prayers are as well.

Jesus bless you hon and may Jesus see you through these trying and difficult times. 

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sumiyah
Jun. 1, 2008 at 10:20 AM Hey girl... I am so very sorry that you are in so much pain..... Just remember that pain don't last always.... and If you do not mind .... I am going to be blunt....... why be unhappy and miserable...... Girl have you ever heard that saying.... I could do bad all by myself..... You don't need anybody to make you feel bad..... Cause you can be happy by yo d*** self...... I know it is easy done then said and you have been with this man half of your life... but there comes a time when we just have to cut our loses and go.... The reason I think he does this is because he can and you allow him to...... If you would not allow him to treat you this way.... girl he would do one of the these two things...1 stop with the BS or love you the way you deserve to be love.... girl you are a very confident young lady...... you will find the answer......in your time...... we can give you all the advise in the world....but it still comes down to one thing......you are going to make your own decision....... So girl keep your head up an don't let any man bring you down are make you feel like you are at fault.......You are what they call and " Independent Woman" you know the song... " I got my own house,own car" girl feel in the blanks...lol I hope that made you feel a little better.... Girl men only do to us what we let them...... Girl take a stand... I know you can and will... I will pray that god keeps you and leads you in the right direction......

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sumiyah
Jun. 1, 2008 at 10:24 AM Girl type o in one of my sentence...... He will either do one of these two things....One stop with the BS and love and love you the way you deserve to be love or leave........ girl it is toooo early....

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DeZsMaMa
Jun. 1, 2008 at 10:31 AM I agree with sumiyah! just never settle for a man, never! because you will regret it later down the road. just leave, not because you don't want to be with him anymore, but because of the safety of your kids. god wouldn't give you anymore than you an handle, being in the worst is one of them. i'm sorry you and your kids have to go through that. i will definitely keep you in my prayer.

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susu24
Jun. 5, 2008 at 11:00 AM Its sad to hear that you are like that..I really do think that you should take your kids and go give them a better environment. Especially if you are sure that you dont want to be there anymore. Its about time that you start focusing on you and your children which is the most important thing.

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bigma...
Jun. 5, 2008 at 3:34 PM

OH hon, I'm soooo sorry, I didn't think that things were this Serious!! please forgive me.......

OH my Sister I feel you 100% and I'm gonna pray and believe God to come through for you and your family....

Father, You see my Sister's heart, life and situation, Father I pray that You would step in and Rebuke every evil force of darkness that is trying to steal her and her family from You, Lord  she needs You right now..........Only You can answer all of her questions.........I pray in Jesus Name that You come and be her Strength where she's weak, be her Eyes where she can't see, be her Divine Light where there's darkness, and give her Guidance and Direction.........Father give her the Peace that passes all understanding.......Give her Comfort in knowing that You are there for her in Jesus Name........"Joshua 1:9 Be strong be of good courage, be not afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go"

I pray that all be well with you my Sister and friend, I love you so much, and I'll continue in praying for you and your family.

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LOVE_...
Jun. 11, 2008 at 12:29 PM

Come on Girlie.....My Best Friend Have Sickel Cell and I know what to do!!!...when need!

Think about the Babies 1st..........God Place all People,Places & Things in Your Life for Great Reasons....Take Heed To It Please.....

If Your Right Mind telling you Run with it....God Gotcha Girl!.

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