At times I wonder if I was gone would people miss me and be lonely?

I feel so alone at times and theres people in my home. My thoughts just seem to dissapear. I talk and talk and no one seems to listen. I see my parents and feel for them as ill as they are and still have pity on myself. Is that wrong of me? Is it pity or is it me growing older and scared.

Am I going to be alone forever? I ask myself that all the time.

Im still MAD at my ex..He made so many promises and he broke them all.

I know im supposted to forgive him so I can move on, I thought I had forgiven him till May 24th on our sons anniversary. I was at the cemetary paying my respects and talking to my son and God , when he shows up. He only stopped because he thought it was my daughter there. I was in her car and he knowcked on the window and asked what i was doing there. I looked at him and said WHAT? He said yea what are you doing here. I asked him if he knew what that day was and he said no what is it. I reminded him and he said oh well i put that behind me like i did everything else. I felt as if i had a knife stuck in my throat and couldnt speak. I told him to go away and leave me alone. He asked for his daughter and wanted to know why she didnt call him. I told him that when and if she wanted to call him it was up to her. She is an adult now and makes her own choices. After he left I asked my son to forgive me for being so mad and angry at his dad.

People always say...Time heals all wounds, but that not true. Its been 25 long years and not a day go by and dont wonder if my son were here would things be different. Would he take care of his sisters when im gone and would he make sure i was happy?

I LOVE my daughters so much and they take the pain away from me alot. But I need to let them go and make thier lifes. They are both Beautiful, Smart,Kind and Loving.They are good mommys and they Love so easy.

With all my loving family and friends....Why am I soooo Lonely??

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Comments:

infin...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 3:16 AM

From my own experiences, I have found that one of the best ways to ease loneliness is to give of myself, to put myself out there and see the world, look at other people and observe what they are going through. Perhaps you can join a volunteer group in your area, reach out to children who have no parents, the elderly who are forgotten by their own families, animals who have been hurt by humans, stuff like that. I'm pretty sure that if you reach out and help someone else in any way you can, small or big, you will find yourself feeling better and better, even though you're missing your son and feeling invisible. Reach out, it may help you!! Hang in there.

~Lisa

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Rynnn
Jun. 1, 2008 at 3:32 AM

I can not say I understand your pain and what you are going through, because my children were given back to me. However, I can understand that you are crying out for someone to care and to listen to you.  Jesus will comfort you and give you rest. He will never leave you nor forsake you, and He will be there with every ache you have.  I wish I could reach through the computer and just give you a hug. If your ex husband is acting the way he is, then that is between him and God.  It is very hard to forgive someone that just pushes things aside like nothing matters, and for wondering about what would have or could have been, that is only tearing you apart sweetie.   All I can really say is that I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, I'm sorry that you are going through some very tough times, and I wish I could place a smile on your beautiful face.

I will pray for you and ask Jesus to give you peace, happiness, joy, laughter, and love. Comfort and rest. I for one am glad that I saw your post, because I know that with God, all things are Possible. I know that this was a devine coming together. Please know that I am here for you always and I so wish nothing but happiness, love, peace and rest and comfort.

These scriptures have helped me when I was feeling lonely and couldn't deal with the pain. I pray that they will maybe help you in some small way...

 And now in my old age, don't set me aside. Don't forsake me now when my strength is failing. Psalms 71:9

Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer. Psalms  94:19 

I weep with grief; my heart is heavy with sorrow; encourage and cheer me with your words. Psalms 119: 28 

Jesus bless you always hon. 

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