I went.  I went and had the visit. I was a bit hard at times but that is so small to the joy I had.

 When they first got there, the first thing he (dad) was place her into my arms. She is so big. I mean the last time I saw her was when she was 8 days old.

She wiggles and tries to stand on her feet. She laughs and makes silly noises. She smiles and coo's. She didnt really cry. Fussed a little, she was hungry.

She was pushed in her stroller and in the swing by her big sister Anna. We took tons of pics and also video taped a lot.

Im am sadden with the fact that I wont get to see her till next year. I really hope that, that will change.

I am hoping that we, Anna and I, can go out there for her birthday. Her 1st bday. Wow, she is almost one. It feels like yesterday laying in that bed. To only have that time back ya know?

I know she is happy and healthy and that is all I can ask for, somehow, I still want a bit more. I know she is always going to be taken care of and will always be happy. Im just sad that Im not the one to be able to give it to her.

I pray that our relationship only gets stronger and will be able to develop into this amazing partnership so to say.

I miss her so much. And I saw first hand what I am missing out on.

She is an amazing baby just like Anna was and has an extordairlily family. 

 

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Comments:

teeteeb
Jun. 1, 2008 at 10:01 AM I hope you know you are a great person for giving her a better life than you could your self. Keep going to see her. She'll appreciate it in the long run. =)

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joy2b...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:54 AM She's so beautiful!  Just like you!  I am so glad you went and got to see her giggle and coo in person.  I really hope for you to have a strong and awesome relationship with her parents and her.

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alexm...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:56 AM Know how blessed you are to have been able to see her. I can sense your bliss. I believe that things WILL change and you'll see her more often. Were her parents as nervous as you were, Mama? I'm so thrilled for you! Alexa is too.

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Final...
Aug. 17, 2008 at 11:51 PM

We don't call my son's biological mom his 'birthmother', we call her his 'Special Mommy'. And even though she is actually kin to me (my 1st cousin), he will always know her and his siblings and he will always know that he was wanted and loved so much by all of us.  Our story is somewhat unique, I would like for you to read my journal post titled 'He's been here 10 months today' if you would like.  It is ok for you to long for her, miss her and love her more than words could ever say.  But you should also know that you are a beautiful angel giving your precious angel more people who will love her and care for her like she is their very own.  I am thankful for 'open adoptions'. I love the fact that I can call AJ's special Mommy often and tell her (usually thru tears) "Thank you for giving him to us", to which she usually giggles and says, "Awww are you have a wonderful Mommy moment?"  I say to her,"How did you know?" and she just says."I can hear it in your voice." I love her and I admire you dearly for the choice you made. You are a strong, beautiful woman--don't ever forget that...don't ever feel guilty for the tears that come because you miss her. That is so very normal. But also don't ever forget that she is loved and wanted and cared for by so many who love her with all there hearts--including you.  I ramble, I know.  But I love stories like ours.  You are on the giving end of adoption, I am on the receiving of adoption.  I would have never been able to be a mommy if it weren't for our 'Special Mommy'.  I love and admire you all for your strength, love and kindness.  Bless you TLW514, Bless your precious heart.  If you ever want to talk, I am here...Rachell

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Final...
Aug. 17, 2008 at 11:54 PM

BTW, I tell our Special Mommy this too--you really make very beautiful babies!! LOL  All if my cousins other children are just georgous as are your's!

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