well today is June 1st and is when Nathan was supposed to here. His due date was today. I am holding it together pretty well right now but not sure how I will handle things for the rest of the day considering it is only morning. Last night though I had an anxiety attack but that wasn't because of Nathan it was because of my husband. He was in a really pissy mood because I made him go out for a while, about 4 hours, when he wanted to stay at home all day playing his new video game. And I guess I made him in a worse mood because I was putting up a whole bunch of pictures I just bought and so I was making hammering noise and that made him worse and I was able to be in a good mood through most of it then I finally got an anxiety attack which wasn't fun. But I fell asleep during it and that made it all better again. But anywho we were supposed to go to his cousins Graduation/birthday party today but we cancelled because of it being Nathan's due date. I just want to spend time with hubby today and go visit Nathan at the cemetery. I really hope that I don't break down today because right now I am doing pretty good.

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Holly...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:15 AM I'm sorry to hear of your loss.  As the first anniversary of my daughter's death approached, I was extremely nervous as to how I would handle the day.  I also suffered anxiety attacks.  When the actual day came, though, it was kind of an anti-climax.  It was a sad day, but really all days then were sad.  I'd spent so much time worrying about the day that I'd built it up almost too much in my mind.  I know it's not the exact same situation, but I think it definately relates.  Good Luck To You.

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LisaM...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 1:44 PM hey girly. i am so sorry about today. i hope that you do alright today. good luck and hang in there.

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gusti...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 2:33 PM i am so sorry about your loss! good luck

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termi...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 6:52 PM  i was the same way with akira it was really had for me hope you do ok, your lil one is up with mine and they are both watching us now

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Caris...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 10:25 PM it's hard. I know exactly how you feel! I am sorry even though I know that it doesn't help! :) i'm here when you need me! :)

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