First, I want to say that I am sorry I have been outta touch. Things have been crazy busy but I am finally out of the whole party scene.

Well, My ex and I have this new weird relationship. It's comin' down to our 1 year mark of being separated. But strangely, we talk a lot to each other as FRIENDS!!! Oddly, we talk about our other relationships. We vent to each other about work and relationships and whatever else is going on an we give each other advice. It's the strangest thing EVER!!! He finally admitted to the whole affair.  He is still with the other girl but he has already told me that he does not feel the same about her as he did me and now that the whole infatuation part is over that he knows he is going to hurt her. He says he is trying to hang in there and give her a fair shot because she really cares for him. I, honestly, see her as a doormat. I know that is bad to say but she does everything he wants her to and she seems to be just clingin'. I told him that I would want someone that challenges me.

We have talked about "us". He tells me that he does miss me and lots of things remind him of me. He says there are times that he wants to just come back and work things out and then times that he is so angry with me because of stuff and he doesn't know if he will ever get pass those things.

So, that is an update on me and the ex. Now, as for me, I have started seeing a new guy, Jay. We are exclusive, which is the first man I have been exclusive with since the separation. We have been seeing each other 6 weeks but it seems like longer. Well, things seemed to be going really good until the other night and this is where I need some advice. Okay, Jay and his ex have been physically separated 10 months and they have 3 children together. His ex is the one that filed for the divorce and wanted him to leave. He said he tried to reconcile with her but nothing changed. Well, we met and I am the first person he has dated since the separation. Things are stratin' to get serious. Well, she found out about me and has started actin' crazy jealous and now wants him back. When I say crazy jealous, she is doin' the things I did would I found out my ex was cheatin'. She showed up at his house the other night. I was there. She called from the driveway of his house and the first thing she says is "tell your whore to come outside or I am going to ram into her car!!!" He goes outside and they start arguing and she starts hittin' him. He calls the police and lets just say things get crazy. What made things worse is their 3 kids were in the car.

So, what I need help with is this. I do not want another woman to go through what I went through. I don't want to contribute to tearing a family apart if there is a chance that they could work this out. He says that he does not want to work things out with her. He told me that she has filed for divorce 5 times since they have been married and he can't take that anymore. He says he is crazy about me and I feel the same about him. So, fellow cafemom's...SHOULD I BACK OFF OR CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP??? 




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Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:59 AM That woman sounds mental. Its not his fault but make sure he is telling you the full truth .....if you know he is telling you the full truth, I would continue with him.

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Jun. 1, 2008 at 7:55 PM No matter if she ended the marriage or not obviously she wants him back. You are trying to start a new life and find comfort. There is no way you need any of that.

I would tell him you need a break and he should take the time to deal with his wife. If the 2 of you are ment to be you will be.

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Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:46 PM

Wow, she sounds possessive, even though she tells him that she wants out-sounds like she still wants him. Is he worth teh aggravation? Only YOU can answer that! Does he still live with her? If not, he should put out a restraining order out on her or you could! I need more info to help.

BEST of luck, though!

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Jun. 4, 2008 at 1:25 PM

Hey girl, sounds like you've got a situation there!  But my advice is follow your heart.  If you think that things can work out with you guys, then stick by him as long as he is definitely ending things with her.    Its the whole "I don't want him, but you can't have him either" reaction.   I'm totally involved with my 'someone else' already and I know that its soon, but I'm really happy.  My ex knows about the situation and needless to say isn't happy (things have gotten pretty ugly) and thinks its too soon (for our daughter to be around someone else) but my daughter is ok with it.   I'm sure things will get easier over time .... for me and you!

Take care, Michele

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Jun. 27, 2008 at 3:33 PM I completely agree with Ceashell707!!!!  You have grown so much.  I applaud you for being able to put yourself in her shoes even when she called you names.  You KNOW what she is feeling.  Keep us posted Sweetie.  I hope it works out for the best!

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