Things are winding down now and we have to be moved out of our apartment by midnight tonight. It was actually last night but we not able to get a truck after the guy who was suppose to help us never showed up. Tonight i am suppose to stay at my mom's house and my bf and his son are suppose to stay here.  I am not sure if i am ready to separate from him yet. Then on Monday we are suppose to go get a hotel room with a kitchenette to stay in for a week.  , But after that, if he gets the apartment, i am suppose to stay with mom until i get my job so i can help with rent. For those of you who know, there were always issues with the rent and it is the reason why we have to move out. So i refuse to move in with him until i have my own income. But as the realization of it is becoming more and more apparent, i am not sure if i am ready for this.with the exception of the fact that he is not good with money and sometimes does not communicate well, he is a good person and we have a good relationship. Yet i know that those two things are extremely important in relationships especially when it involves children. I love this man and it will be hard to be separated after we have been together every night after we met over a year ago.

But i know i have to think rationally. As much as i want to stay with him, i have to think about if i want to have to worry about how or if the rent will be paid on time or if there will be enough money for food. If he gets a place here in the Springs, instead of in Denver where he works, i will still be able to see him almost everyday even if he gets a second job. So that makes things a little easier i guess. I don't know. I always seem to fall for the ones who have issues or are not entirely good for me. So anyway, now i have to decide if i want to live in worry and frustration or if i want to wait until things work out and live a more worry free and less frustrated. It should be a no brainer but when you love someone its difficult. I think i will go with my original plan and stay at my mom's house until i get my job and then move back in with him. As i mentioned before as long as  he is still here in town i can still see him and it wont be so bad.

 

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Comments:

SFerber
Jun. 1, 2008 at 2:09 PM

Keep writing...it helps clear things up.

Help form coming from your head.

Give your self advice as if you were your mom and dad.  Or a best friend.  Step out of your own skin and speak to your daughter or your best friend.  Speak facts.  Make sense.  Be loving but wise.

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Hotts...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 2:28 PM My mom has told me that this probably needed to happen because he needs to see the error of his ways and make better decisions. Maybe this is the only way that he will do right.. This is going to be hard but i know i have to do it, not just for me but for the kids.  I have to find a way to do both. It may not be able to happen the way i want it, but it can be done.

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