I love rainy days, but they really make you think. Ashton is asleep right now and Spencer went to Best Buy so I am left alone for now. I need to be cleaning the house but I am just thinking. I know that I shouldn't be as anxious for another baby but I am. I would love for it to be as easy as getting pregnant and waiting nine months (not that being pregnant is easy) but that is not an option for our family. We are so ready to start spoiling another baby and showering it with love. I have the crib out (and the ridiculous amount of things that were bought for Ashton), bought a new pack-n-play, our family has bought some stuff for the new baby and Ashton always asks when he will be a big brother. The hard part is that this dream may still be in the far away future??? I am so ready to spend a rainy Sunday with my two children playing games, being silly and just laughing together as a family. We are a family right now and we do those things but we are missing one member. My heart bleeds because in order to make my dream happen another person has to hurt so much and make the hardest decision of their life and has to trust us with God's gift. This is adoption. I guess I just wanted to write down what I was feeling in order to help me right now. Any other suggestions???

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