Things were finally starting to go good for me and know they are falling apart again. 

I am so pissed off with my Dr. and really want to find a larger practice.  I called her after hours service last Sunday and she never called me back.  I wasn't going to keep calling and harrasing the people at the answering service (I know how much that sucks) so I said srew it and just panicked all night long, which is not good for me or the baby.  I figured she would at least call me back during normal business hours, but it has been a week and I haven't heard from her.  Everytime I go to her office I feel that she is rushing me and not taking any of my concerns seriously.  The last time I went I had a list of questions and she answered 2 of them.  WTH??? The last time I checked this was my pregnancy and I have a right to decent medical care.

So last week I decided to start looking for a new Dr.  I found a practice that seemed really good and they do their own lab work (which my current Dr. doesn't do) so I called them to see if I could switch to their practice.  They said that because I am over 12 weeks they needed to review my charts and get authorization from their team to accept me.  So I did everything they asked...sent them all of my information and what not.  A nurse calls me on Friday and says because they work so closely with my current Dr they won't accept me because it would cause too much of a conflict.  Pretty much all of the Dr.s at the oceanfront are affiliated with one another so I feel really stuck.  I don't want to have to go to another city to deliver my baby because of all of this.

I go see my Dr on the 9th (I am going to try to see if she will see me sooner, which I doubt she will) and I am going to try to convince her to release me as a patient and refer me to another Dr. She obviously doesn't have the time to deal with me, so why not send me somewhere else.  If that doesn't work I am just going to make her life a living hell until she decides to send me somewhere else.  I will call her ass every 10 minutes if I have to......Don't fuck with a pregnant woman with a temper!!!

Other than all of that crap, my anxiety and OCD are back with a vengance.  I have been a wreck this past week and it is driving me and Bill crazy.  All I want is to just be normal...is that too much to ask?  My hands are all cracked and bleeding because I have been washing them at least every 30 minutes.  I have been having panic attacks that something is wrong with the baby or that I am going to come in contact with lead paint or some crazy disease.  Lately I have been worrying about TB....and I have never worried about that before.  Some dude at Wal Mart coughed as he was walking by me and I convinced myslef I had TB.  I am so sick of torturing myslef all of the time.  My anxiety is making it hard for me to eat.  I try to eat but then I end up making myself sick because I am afraid that something in the food will hurt the baby, or that it is not cooked well enough. 

I am just a wreck right now.  I feel like crap, I look like crap and I am being a complete bitch to everyone because of the hormones and anxiety.  The only time I feel decent is when I am asleep, but trying to fall asleep is an ordeal in itself.   

My therapist was out of town for almost 2 weeks due to a family er and when she saw me on Friday she knew things were bad.  When she saw me she said "You haven't been eating again, have you?" I didn't realize it was that obvious.  My OCD is so bad that I actually had to have my therapist take me into the bathroom so I could wash my hands, because I didn't want to touch the key to the restroom.  Next week she is meeting with Bill and I to go over some things that she wants both of us to try and then we are going to start the OCD workbook that she got for me.  I really hope this helps, because I am at the end of my rope. 

Well.....I just wanted to vent about all of this crap that I have been dealing with.

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Comments:

lilse...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 5:29 PM WTF is wrong with these doctors, it's your right, your choice so I will give them hell...

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Noahs...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 5:29 PM what about using a midwife? That way you don't have to put up with dr.s at all.

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nervo...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 5:36 PM Good luck!  I had a shitty doc also.  I called her cuz I stopped feeling the baby move & it was like 8.  She called me back pissed off at like 10 P.M saying drink a freakin soda & everything was fine.  WTH?  After 6 months of being annoyed with her she hired a new doc to come into her practice and switched me to her w/o asking.  The original doc ended up delivering my son & waited until it was an emergency b4 giving me a c-section. Whats wrong with doctors today?  I think we are paying them WAY too much and they are getting cocky lol.

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momto...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 5:44 PM You have a right to pick your own doctor.... Or have her refer you to someone that you can trust.  Do you have a regular family doctor??????

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MomOf...
Jul. 20, 2008 at 11:20 PM Oh my goodness!!!! I am so sorry that you are going through all of this!!!!

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