i know nobody reads this stuff- but i feel like i have to vent- so here i go.

 

Max has always been really high needs, and since the day he was born, i was blaming myself. it was my parenting style, or something i was doing wrong, i was spoiling him by always holding him, but couldnt bear to watch him scream endlessly.  finally i figured out that it was the way he was, he was EXTRA NEEDY, i wasnt spoiling him, i am just doing what it takes to get by.  people dont get it, but what i do i do out of NECESSITY.  i HAVE to co sleep, i HAVE to carry him everywhere.  if i dont, none of us gets any rest, or he just wont stop screaming. my pediatrician said to cio- and i tried it for 2 days before i figured out it WASNT WORKING!  finally i found the DR. SEARS website(for high needs babies), and it says "DONT CIO". i am now going to refer my ped to that website.  my friends have no idea what this is like. they dont know that 3/4 of my day is spent trying to get max to either calm down or go to sleep.  they dont know that trying to get him to do ANYTHING takes hours, and so much patience.  (eating solids for instance).  they assume that something is physically wrong, and its not! im so tired of people saying they understand when they have NO IDEA! im so tired of people thinking i make it up! im so tired of having noone to talk to or noone to count on.
i love my baby- but i think i come across as a bad mommy because i get so frustrated.  there is noone i love more in this world than my baby.  i just want our experience to be better- i want to vent to someone who knows.  

anyways- i feel better now that i vented.

 

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Comments:

Babyb...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 5:52 PM i know how you feel. my little girl is the same way. If i dont have ahold of her when she tries to go to sleep she will keep herself awake and scream until i pick her up and hold her for a while. Hang in there!

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SahmTam
Jun. 1, 2008 at 6:15 PM

Oh, hon. My oldest was like that, too. Seriously... he was like 10 months and to get a tiny, stage 1 jar of food into him took about 45 minutes. He was the worst sleeper. Hated being around anyone but us. We HAD to revolve around his schedule. He was VERY scheduled! People totally didn't get that and we got all kinds of unwanted advice. Often. About how bad of parents we were. Well, they didn't phrase it that way, but when you tell someone that "The baby obviously rules the roost around here" it's just the same, kwim? grrr

My mom never questioned my parenting, but she had 4 kids and was just like, "I've never seen a baby like this before! None of you were this difficult. Nowhere close!" It made me think I was a total failure. Not that she was trying to make me feel like one, but I couldn't seem to do anything right for my own child! Other moms with babies' close to Nathan's age were talking about how great it was to be out of the newborn stage and how it was getting easier and I'm like, "What? I must be missing something??" It was like they were speaking a foreign language!

How old is your son? In our case it ended up that our son has a high-functioning form of autism. This may well NOT be your case, but maybe you should think about having him tested if there's no physical reason for his crying and high needs (like acid reflux or whatever...). If he's stil pretty young this would be pointless, though. If he's an older baby, the ped may take a 2nd look or have you see a specialist. I hesitate to even write that, b/c Ihope I don't offend you or make you mad or more upset or scared. Some babies are just difficult for no real reason and outgrow it, but sometimes they are incredibly hard and there is a reason. I KNOW you are not making this up about how LONG everything takes. I truly have been there!!!! I've had 2 more kids since my oldest and they were super easy, even on a bad day, compared to my oldest. They could down a jar of food in like 3 minutes, would fall asleep and stay asleep. I didn't have to walk on eggshells fearing that if I walked on the wrong "creaky" step I'd wake them and be in for more hours of non-sleeping and screaming like my oldest. 

I hope he does outgrow this soon and that you can have some sanity around your house and that it was just some crazy phase!!!! You are a GOOD MOM! I can tell by how much you cared to write this entry. Remember that! Difficult babies, you love them so much, but they frustrate you so much! You want to stop whatever's bothering them and making them cry. Mom's are "supposed" to just have that instinct and be able to make it all better. At least on TV. Not in real life, though, sometimes. But there are ppl out there who still offer advice "Have you tried burping? Tried rocking? Tried changing him? Maybe he has gas? Maybe he's hungry?" ARGH!!!! I wanted to sarcastically say, "No? I have to feed and change them. Burp them, too?? I didn't know! You're a genius. Yes, that must be it!"   grrr Anyway, good luck with him!!!

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minih...
Aug. 24, 2008 at 7:08 PM

i think its really brave of you to write that for the world to see and you tending to your baby is all that matters no matter what and i give up props keep being the best you can f@#& the rest

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