This is more an ask for help than it is any type of suggestion or advice giving...

As I've said in posts before I'm a new mom, and the little boy whose life I have recently entered has long standing mommy issues.

Once upon a time there was a girlfriend and a boyfriend, who later became husband and wife, and even later than that became mommy and daddy.

Not to "air dirty laundry" so much as sort of vent and try to find some answers...

Mommy turned into, or rather revealed herself to be not a good person, woman, wife, or mommy at all.  Deciding to turn her back on her family in all it's senses and choosing other men and many drugs, and a negative lifestyle over a loving husband and son.

There was even a period of time, while daddy was deployed and mommy had their lil boy and was dropping him off random places, not caring for him, etc.

Now, this happened some years ago and now he is turning 4 this coming month.  
I have been with Daddy since February 08, Daddy & lil boy have been away from mommy since October 07.  So understanding it's not been that long for so much change...

It seems that the damage from mommy is long withstanding and will take much time and hard work to get through.  Any contact with her, and at this point it is only a 5 minute or less phone call once a month - maybe, and he acts out with a vengeance for several days.  Now, as you might imagine at this point he has recently talked to her, yesterday that is.  And all today he barely listened if at all to either myself or daddy, when he had actually been behaving very well for me.

To be perfectly honest, I worry very much so the long term damage and problems that it is going to cause for him and his social interactions.  I know he is too young for him to understand in full detail exactly what happened and what it means.  I worry about all the progress he's made and that he will regress again.  (Yes, he was potty trained and had very good manners.)

I also have concerns for my affect on him.  I am implementing many changes in his behavior, to include changing the method of potty training, instilling cleanliness (making him clean up after himself in regards to his toys), and reasserting good manners.  However, I have a very different faith and some different morals/ethics than my other half and know full well how much those things affect parenting styles.  I have also not been here for every scrape and bump, as he has and feel myself as an outsider to their family unit - even though he assures me that I am not.

I also consider that I myself have "mommy issues" and fear them for him.  I don't want him to grow to resent the structure and discipline I'm trying to enforce "for his own good".

 

Thoughts?

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