Well, I have good news and bad news about the ultrasound. The good news is he is 1 lb 15 oz! That is a 7oz weight-gain since my last ultrasound. I don't know if that's normal or not, but he had only gained 4 oz (I think?) in between the previous two, and that was normal.



The bad news is I couldn't stand the people that did my u/s and I didn't like the way they went about it. It was a (presumably 1st-year) resident doing the u/s by direction of the tech. They didn't narrate any of the scan other than giving me his weight. They didn't ask me if I had any questions. They just talked amongst themselves. Towards the end, they did ask me what name I had picked out, and then the tech said "Oh, you're the second person to have that picked out lately, it must be getting popular." I wanted to strangle her. (I specifically chose Eli over another name because I didn't think it was as common.) All of a sudden the doctor is leaving the room and the tech is wiping the ultrasound goo off my belly. I'm like, woah, wait a minute, what is my afi (amnio fluid index)? She told me that I didn't "have any measureable pockets." I told her I didn't understand and she said the same thing again. I told her "I heard you, I just don't understand what you mean. Is there fluid in there?" And she said it again.



So at this point, I'm thinking that I might as well just lose hope because I've been told many times that it was a good thing that I did have some fluid in my uterus because with no fluid, his lungs would have no chance of developing. When I got back to my room, the PCA and RN were both waiting to check vitals and listen to the heart tones. When I told them what had happened/how I was feeling, they told me they would call for the doctor to come and talk to me. Then they started to tell me how awesome it is that I've made it this far, and how that in itself is amazing and I'm doing so well. That did make me feel more grateful, but not necessarily any more hopeful.



The next morning, the doctor told me that there wasn't any fluid left around the baby. Being half asleep, I couldn't really form any cohesive questions, so after speaking with her, I still didn't feel like I knew what was going on. I asked to speak with her again later that day, and I asked her where we go from here. She said, as far as she is concerned, everything is still status quo, that if the baby's lungs were going to develop, they would have already started around 20 weeks. She seemed pretty pessimistic that they even had a chance then. Actually she seemed pretty pessimistic about my whole situation. When I asked her when Eli would be delivered, she said that it would all depend on me, that he would be delivered when I got an infection, had a placental abruption or showed signs of fetal distress. I'm like, ok, so what if none of those things happen? She seemed pretty sure that one of those things would. I understand her having to tell it "like it is" and let me know what is likely, but I would still like to know all possibilities, indcluding the more preferable ones, however unlikely they are.



On top of that, I was pretty down Wednesday-Friday anyway. I missed my little sis's 8th grade graduation on Thursday and I'm starting to get more homesick. I've been here for a month now. I'm feeling much better lately, especially after talking to some great nurses and catching up on some sleep. My mom and sister came to visit today which was a lot of fun and passed the time well, and Seth willl be here on Friday, so that's something to look forward to.



Overall, I'm still glad that I'm here. It really is just a waiting game.... There is nothing else that can be done. It sucks not knowing, and not being able to do something to help him. Please keep Eli in your prayers.

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