chavela_carlita's Journal

here's what I think....

I deleted the other post because it made no sense. Hopefully this one comes out better.

I know there are many moms on here who have husbands that are in the army, or that work far from home and only get to come home every so often. Or maybe they leave for schooling. My point is this: Any time there's going to be a separation, it's never fun. It would be nice if it were never necessary, but hey. Life's like that.

And to all you moms out there who are dealing with this type of separation from your mate, whether he be your husband, boyfriend, or live in partner...I am really going to need you.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost four months. And everything could not be better. He's a wonderful man - responsible, he owns his own business, affectionate, sweet, loving - he's everything I always wanted and I feel so incredibly grateful to have found him. 

Back in March, after we had been going out for like a month, he was going to Mexico for a two week vacation. He invited me to go with him and I was lucky enough to be able to take the time off from work and go with him. And we had the best time. It was my first time in Mexico, and it was so cool! We even went to Acapulco, and spent almost a whole week on the beach. It was an experience that I will remember and treasure forever. Everyone was asking what I liked best about the trip, and I told them all the same thing:

The best part was being able to go with him. That made it all the more special. 

And since we came back, we have spent like every day together, around work and kids and that. We have spent every night together as well, and I have to say that even though it's been only a few short months that I love him to death and I have gotten so used to having him right here with me.

At the end of June, he has to go to Mexico again. And this time, I can't go with him. Two weeks is one thing. But three months? There is no way I can take that amount of time off of work and I am not about to fake a personal emergency to get the time off. Because I have not been with them for a year and company policy states that only employees who have been there for a year can take an extended leave (three to six months) and have their job when they come back. Since I haven't been there for even half that long, if I were to put in a personal leave, they cannot assure that I would have my job when I get back. And I have three kids that I am raising alone. So I need my job. On top of that, what about my apartment? I don't have the money to give them for three months' rent upfront like that. And I don't want to lose my house and my stuff by getting evicted or something like that. I have looked at all the options but this time, nothing can be done for it. I cannot go with him, and he has to go. If there were any possible way this could be worked out, believe me, he would be more than happy to have me along. He even said this several times, that he wishes I could go with him again because we had such a good time when we went in March. But it is not to be.

This will be the longest separation that I have ever had to deal with and I don't even know how well I'll be able to cope. Especially since we have gotten so used to being with each other. It's going to be unbelievably hard not seeing him for three months...I mean, we'll talk every day on the phone so that communication doesn't end up going to hell, but talking on the phone is not the same thing as being together. It sure as hell is no substitute.

It makes me so sad to think about this. And the only good thing is that I know I am not alone in this. I know there are other moms out there that deal with this on a constant basis...and you are who I will be looking to for support during the time he is gone.

And it doesn't help matters any when I start thinking stupid thoughts. I am a fairly positive person and I am usually happy and smiling...but then there are the times when the doubts come out in full freakin force and there is no stopping them.

I think, what if he meets someone else? And then I think, well what if he does? If he loves me like he says he does, that will not happen. I mean, sure he is going to meet other people. Duh. But that is no reason to go all spaz and freak out and think, what if he meets someone else he likes better? I mean it could happen. But then again hell could freeze over and pigs could sprout wings tomorrow, too. It is a possibility, but not one that I need be concerned about. Yet it is there.

And then I think, what if he doesn't miss me as much as I'll miss him? Or what if he realizes while we're apart that he doesn't want to be with me? That will really suck and I will be hurt...yet again dealing with possibilities that have no real base whatsoever outside of Crazyland. 

It's true. Sometimes a separation is a good thing because it allows each person some time apart and most of the time it brings them closer together in the end. But since he and I got together we have spent almost every day together, around work and everything else. I'm so used to waking up in the morning and having him there next to me, and going to bed with him right there next to me, that when he is not there anymore, I don't know how well I will be able to deal with this. Or even if I will be able to deal with this at all. I know I sure as hell won't be able to without the support of other moms who deal with this kind of thing all the time. 

He's taking his kids for two weeks so they can visit their grandparents in Mexico. They live here in Houston with their mom...and then she is going down there to get them to bring them back so he can stay there and finish what he needs to finish as far as his work goes. He's an instruments supplier and he has to take these trips to Mexico every so often to establish more contacts and process orders and all that. It's kinda boring so I won't give you all the bland details. 

And the time is going by so damned fast...tick tick tick...I just hope it goes by this fast while he is gone.

And there's another thing that worries me. He has said a few times that if I should meet someone else while he is gone that I want to start seeing, that I should - just to let him know about it first. But he can't seem to understand that this is NOT going to happen. How can I make him see that it is impossible because no one else even exists for me??? I tell him, no, that won't happen and I will be right here waiting for him...and he says he hopes it is true. I guess the only thing I can do in regards to that is give him time so he can see for himself that it's true. 

Times like that make me want to hurt his ex wife very seriously. Because of her, or rather, because of what she did to him, he now has trust issues. I can understand where he is coming from. What she did was just evil and so selfish I wish I could smack her. But I am getting off the point here.

I feel very secure in this relationship with him. I love him and I am sure he loves me the way he says he does because he shows it. Last night, he even said to me, I don't know what idiot let you go, but he really was an stupid, because you're everything a man could want and ask for in a woman. Things like that make me love him even more. It's just going to be very very difficult while he is gone.

How do you deal with the missing him and wanting him and needing him and knowing that you have to wait? And how do you get through the nights, especially the nights...that has got to be the worst time...And how do you get through the days when you just miss him so bad you sit there and cry for hours? 

I am not looking forward to this at all. It sucks the big one. He will be gone from July until the middle of September...three months isn't really that long, but it's an eternity when you're waiting for the one you love to come back home. I get sad just thinking about it. How the hell do you deal with this kind of thing????

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Jun. 1, 2008 at 9:38 PM

First off, it doesn't matter where u r in ur relationship, being apart sucks.  It doesn't matter if they are gone for a week or 18 months, it is still lonely

Now, for me my 2 girls are what get me thru each day.  They make me have to get out of bed and live my life.  I can honestly say that it does get a little bit easier each day that they are gone.  My DH is in the Navy & has been gone since Jan 3rd and won't be home for good until next year.  This is our first time that we have been separated for this length of time.  So I can relate. 

Don't get me wrong, there are days that I feel like crying, so I do.  I don't hide it from my girls.  I want them to know that it is ok to miss their daddy. 

I guess the best advice I can give you is stay busy.  Get into a routine and stick with it.  Take this time for yourself...maybe join a gym, go out and make time for yourself.

Good luck!


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