stefanierios's Journal

you might hear from me again

Dear people who try to make others feel bad so they can feel better about themselves,

I do not understand you.  Are you so insecure that your entire self-worth hinges on being the "best" by comparison to all those in your immediate vicinity?  I have never tried to put you down because I love you and you are a friend.  When you ask for an opinion about your clothes, your hair, your shoes, your relationships, I always give you an honest opinion in a kind way in order to  help lift you up even if you would not do the same for me.  I know of many times where you have intentionally given me bad advice in an attempt to sabotage my looks or relationships.  I understood what you were doing and did not let myself get played like that.  I am honestly not the type of person that enjoys having anything better than anybody else, which is why I cannot pin you down as being jealous.  I am not secure enough to say that I have or am anything better than you are.  It seems like you are always trying to do that very thing to me.  I think you resent the fact that I have made certain things happen in life that I wanted to happen, that I can do what I want because what I want is reasonable, that we are fairly financially secure for now.  You say mean things to me which only frustrate me.  Your actions do not make me feel bad about myself, but I do resent the fact that you try so hard.

I feel like I know exactly who I am, and I am not perfect which is why I try so hard at self-improvement.  I am my own worst critic, not you.  I know where I fail, and I try to focus on those areas and fix them.  I have a few mirrors.  I know what's wrong there, too.  You don't have to point it out.  Your body has flaws, but I don't point them out.  You wear the same exact size I wear, but are always handing me much larger sizes in the store when we're shopping.  When you're here, you won't get dressed when we go somewhere until you know what I'm wearing so you can look better.  I am not competing with you for guy's attention.  I am married and have children.  I am not interested in flirting or any other men except my husband. 

If you are my friend, then I don't understand why you focus so intently on trying to make me feel bad.  We have a very long history together, we've grown up together, and I have always loved and supported you because I know that you are a good person inside, despite being so insecure.  You put on a strong front that you are self-confident, but I sometimes think that your front gets in the way of your true happiness.  I wish you would stop thinking so much about what other people think of you and trying to destroy their self-confidence and simply pursue your own happiness. 

Love,

your friend.

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Comments:

my4pi...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 10:42 PM So sorry i too have had alot of the same problems with a ex friend... Really the only way you can get it out of your life is to get that person completely out of you life..I know that is very difficult and after  over 25 yrs of dealing with someone like this I have finally realized it myself...     I used to be the defending myself all the time..I hopefully have now learned not to do that..i am trying...Hope things work out for the best....

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Fiveo...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 10:44 PM

Don't feel bad! People are loony.  

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Abomn...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:13 PM i <3 you, stef.  you're amazing.  don't let anybody make you think otherwise.

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heyih...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:22 PM I love your honesty.  And I wouldn't take this friend's actions personally- I have a feeling that if it wasn't you, it would be someone else :(  It sounds like a major inferiority complex, and usually when people have them, their ego has this huge hole in it that needs to constantly be filled, because it empties as fast as it fills.  It's very taxing on all of their relationships.  Are you gonna give them this letter?  I really think that you should :)  

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pagan...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 9:25 AM A toxic friendship like that only brings you down whether she reads the letter or not. Its time to move on sweetie.

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Cecropia
Jun. 2, 2008 at 9:28 AM Good for you for rising above the pettiness.  You are a true friend for viewing your friend's faults with kindness.  I'm wondering too, if you're going to show her the letter.

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Shmoo...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 1:23 PM i think your awesome. i try not to worry about whatever other people think. i wish people werent so judgmental but they are.

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