Well. My nightmares are rearing their ugly head again.

But first, some history:

 

ever since i can remember, me and my dad have always shared our "bonding time" by watching zombie movies of all grade. from jsut plain horrible and funny, to the ones that make you sit and think. And by zombie, im referring from raising-from-the-dead zombies(like the Living Dead Series), and roto-virus zombies(like 28 Days Later and I am Legend).  I was fascinated with zombies. i even purchased a book titled "The survival guide to zombies".

well, when Dawn of the Dead came out, it revolutionized the typical zombie flick. they were fast. animalistic. beasts. not the stumbling, moaning, with-arms-out zombies. this put a whole new level of fear of the capabilities what zombies could do. And then 28 Days Later. Zombies were no longer raise-from-the-dead. They were ppl who were infected with a virus, the rage virus, and turned into raw-meat-hungering beasts.

so now, things are so much more realistic. and plausible. and one night, when i was 16 or 17, i had a nightmare. a gory, scary movie about zombies. i woke up and sat by my window, watching the street for signs of a zombie attack. for four hours. no big deal. just a scary dream. and then my father wrote up a survival plan in the case of a zombie attack. alright. putting me on edge. and then, i thought it would be a good idea to write a zombie short story for my advanced english class. well. that pushed me over the brink.

Since i wrote that story, i have vivid nightmares where i actaully FORCE myself to wake up. and i fight sleep for twenty mins before i go to sleep. and then when i do allow myself to sleep, its there again, waiting, lurking. and when its night out and we're driving down the back road and its dark and the fog rolls in, i begin to get a panick attack. but its easily sedated. now, when i enter a parking garage... i start fidgeting and then have to run from the car.

One night, about a month ago, i woke up to put down the window in our living room. i was almost to the window when i heard a typical zombie-beast snarl. i froze. and then broke down. i went into a full blown panick attack. i couldnt breathe. i couldnt move. i couldnt do anything. i wasnt just paralyzed with fear. i almost wet my pants. i was screaming and crying. and now, anytime i have a nightmare, i lay there in bed, shaking and crying, again almost wetting my pants. parts of my face numb. and when i feel an attack "coming" i have to lock and relock the doors at least ten times before i can sit.  its almost like an OCD.

i realize that this is a problem bc it interferes with my sleeping pattern and my daily life. i was told today that it was from Post Partum Depression. but i dismissed it bc i know i didnt have Post Partum Depression when i was 16/17. i want to get hypnotized to help cure this. but no money.

so each night is a forever battle against my phobia

 

 

 

 

 

(hope you enjoyed!) 

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Comments:

kayli...
Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:26 PM I sympathize with you. My nightmares do the same to me, although not to the extreme that your do. Some medical insurance covers mental health. I think you should call and find out, there is a therapist where I live who does hypnisis in the course of therapy. I would encourage you to try that route. and talk to your doctor about it as well. Good luck.

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