Question: Am I overreacting?




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Quick backstory - married for 10 years, husband cheated (apparently for most of those years), married the last woman.

We have been officially separated for three years, divorced for almost two and he has been married for almost two.  During these three years, he has pulled some crazy stuff - getting her hired at the kids' daycare, trying to sell the house underneath me, kicking me out of the house, they broke up for three days and she disappeared, he accused me of harming her (although you don't know me - that has never been my style - I was hurt but not enough to care enough to hurt her) then asking me to help him find her.

He has started becoming obsessed with what goes on in my house.  One of my best friends, a male, just moved back from the UK after two years so he hangs out a lot with the kids and I but he is like their uncle.  My ex questions the kids about how often he is here (understandable) and if we touch, kiss, hug, does he spend the night.  This guy has been one of my greatest friends for 20 years.  I have another male friend and my ex sends text asking whether I am dating this guy - the answer is no, but I feel uncomfortable about him asking me about my personal life and downright disgusted that he resorts to asking the kids.  My 8-year old told me that he felt like he was being put in the middle and felt like he was telling on me.

Now the question about the overreaction -  his wife, parents and nephew all came to my son's football game, my ex is the coach.  His wife, who left her three children, to be with my ex, was talking to the nephew while I was talking to another mom.  The wife said - it is very difficult to go to school with 5 children.  Another team parent overheard and said 'how do you do it with 5 kids?' At which point, she realized that I could hear her - she stated -uh, I manage."  The problem with that statement is that 2 of the 5 kids are mine and they are at their house every other weekend and one night per week for 2.5 - 3 hours that night.  Two of her three are only there every other weekend, while the third one never comes to visit.  

At first I was pissed that she was claiming my two kids that she raised but more so that they make her life difficult in anyway especially as she is working on her bachelor's degree. I am a single mom whose children live with her and I working on earning a master's degree while working full-time outside of the home, so I was more perturbed that she considered my children a nuisance.

I was really angry and sent a text to my mom - who called me back - she then stated that her next door neighbor (who happens to be a friend of my ex) asked my mom why she was watching my son during the week (he came home sick and she covered for me) because she thought that the kids lived with my ex.  Mom explained the situation as it is and her neighor said that's not what my ex told her.

Of course, I was even more livid at this point.  To try and get a handle on this - I waited until everyone was gone with the exception of my ex and the kids (he had them this weekend) and attempted to say (promise, I was very calm) I was rather offended by the statement but before I could finish my thought - he said "f*ck you" - unfortunately, I responded in kind with a "f*ck you and that b&tch, too" - he responded with "go f*ck yourself."

With everything he has pulled, I am running out of cheeks to turn.  I have attempted on several occasions to either ignore him or respond logically, neither one works - the only time I get the response I need is to stoop to his level but yelling and threatening but I feel dirty and slimy.

What would your next steps be?

Thanks for letting me vent and your responses.


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Jun. 1, 2008 at 11:43 PM

I would absolutely furious! That b*tch has NO right to claim your children as her own. AND to make it seem like it's such a burden on her? If she doesn't like it, then she shouldn't have been screwing aroudnd with your man in the first place!!! I think you need to have a loooong conversatin with your ex and explain to him (as calm as possible) that your personal life is not his business and if you choose to start dating again, not that you are, then it is YOUR choice and business, not his! He also needs to know how his children feel when he tries to get information out of them. It's not right. They are just children! They did not ask for this (not saying that you did, because I'm sure you didn't!) But it is not fair of him to put your children in the middle!

Good luck, mama! I hope everything works out for you!

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