A week from tomorrow, Zoe will be one year old.  Sometimes it does not seem real.  My youngest daughter, the one whom I have only seen grow in photos, is turning one!  My thoughts and emotions are conflicted with this upcoming event.

I've watched the little home movies of her numerous times.  Hearing her giggle.  The pain in my soul cannot be eased.  I wish she was in front of me to touch, to hold....I want so badly to simply feel her weight in my arms.

I don't know why, but I do

Dream of you, losing you...

I still dream of you

Is it the same way for you?

Doesn't hi and goodbye sound so cruel?

How can I take my heart from you...when even tho I'm losing you?

I dream of you....I dream of you...

Losing you, I still dream of you 

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 7:10 PM And yet another time I wish I could wrap my arms around you and tell you how much I care.  I can not understand fully your pain, but in some ways I can.  She is your child and forever will be your child.  Nothing nor no one can take that from you.  I am so sorry for your pain.

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Jun. 12, 2008 at 6:49 PM

What a great gift you gave your second daughter!!! She is beautiful and certainly deserved more then you as a parent. You describe everything as mental illnesses..calling me a paranoid schizophrenic, nature bipolar and then of course manic depressive was also used. You talk about your 4 year old with some form of autism..you are very well versed on mental diseases...hmmmmmmmmm ...You dream of beer, you don't teach your child about Jesus, your in the middle of a divorce...yes your relinquishing of this beautiful girl was the best gift you could have given her. It's a shame you didn't send her sister with her!


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Jun. 12, 2008 at 7:25 PM

Ok, for starters, my daughter's teachers thought it was Asperger's.  She's been evaluated and she is ok.  Being in the middle of a divorce and not teaching my child about religion does not mean I am a bad parent.  And dream of beer?  Where the hell did you get that from?  You have no room to talk about shitty parenting.  I consider you the lowest of the low in parenting skills.  My daughter is happy, healthy, and well loved by all of us, and the same goes for my relinquished daughter.

And I also only called you paranoid schizophrenic.   You are now confusing me with other moms.

I'm done with you lady.  Keep posting nasty comments like this and I will report you, you fucking bitch.

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Jun. 12, 2008 at 7:54 PM Whoa, I just read that disgusting response from crissysmother.  I hope you didn't get too upset about it...she is the picture of ignorance and hatred...and if she is a Christian like she insinuates, then she isn't following Jesus' #1 rule--love!!!  I'm sorry that she said that to you.  People who tear others down usually hate something about themselves or their lives.  Pathetic, and you would have been a FANTASTIC mother to your daughter--God put her in YOUR stomach and YOUR heart for a reason...and you only did what you did out of pure love for her.  Love, Sarah

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Jun. 12, 2008 at 8:04 PM The only reason I am not deleting her comment is so that EVERYONE can see her for the despicable piece of crap that she is.

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Jun. 13, 2008 at 1:26 PM


"Crissysmother" is some kind of loser who came on here to play games.   I'm starting to think that her and her  "daughter" are just big fakes.  Don't let some internet freak get you down. 

Take care girl!


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