Its that time of year again. 

My oldest child is 9 years old.  She  has never known her father.  When I found out I was pregnant my then boyfriend told me a secret he was keeping our entire relationship.  We were in-love for almost 4 years.  We were very close and when I found out this secret I was devastated.  He broke down crying telling me he had molested two of his boy cousins.  What was I to say to that.  How should I have reacted.  My heart told me I had to do what was right.. I had to keep my daughter safe.  And 9 years later I have yet to let him meet her.  He calls once a year to see how she's doing.  The last conversation we had was on my 28th birthday.  He wanted to know what happened between us and he also wanted to tell me he still loved me.  All I kept thinking about was those two little boys he had violated.  Makes me sick thinking about the things he told me he did to them.  Do people change?  I have been very honest with my daughter and I have also told her when she is old enough she can meet him.  Right now I believe I am doing whats best for her.  But every year around this time my heart wants to cave in and let him talk to her.. But my mind is telling me NO DONT DO IT.  She asked me a few weeks ago if my current boyfriend and I were going to get married soon.  She said she hoped one day we would so that when her friends talked about their daddies.. she had one to talk about too. 

My youngest child is 2.  His father died in 2006 while I was 8 months pregnant.  I dread the day I have to explain to him where his father is and how he got there.

If I had been asked if I wanted to get married before I met my current boyfriend my answer would have been no never.  Now I want more than anything to get married.  I know Ive found my perfect match and a perfect :father: for my children.

If you grew up without a father, or if your father has passed.  How do you plan on spending your fathers day?



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Jun. 2, 2008 at 12:53 AM My prayers go out to you and yours  

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 1:05 AM Wow thanks for letting me step back and look at the nowhere to be found dad and my oldest.  You make me count my blessings and all I can say is thank you.

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