My father has Stage 4 cancer and I am not really upset yet.  when i was growing up he was an alcohoilic and very verbally abusive. i called the police on him a few times when he was violent with my mother. she never left him and sometimes i feel like i will never forgive her for that. she pretends as if nothing ever happened.  i remeber lots, is it possible her mind has blocked this so she does not have to deal with it? 

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 8:53 AM She'd prob rather not address it especially now that he is so ill.  I hope someday the two of you can talk about it and start healing.

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 8:58 AM Yeah, I agree with noveltysteph... life is too short to hold grudges.  You should be the better person here, only because you never want to look back and regret anything.  Once he's gone, he's gone forever.  He's still your dad.  My mother was very emotionally and physically abusive to me growing up.  I don't speak to her now, but its her choice, not mine.  I feel like, since all her kids are grown now, we should just put our differences aside and start enjoying each other, but she'd rather be alone.  She'll probably die alone, but I'll always know that I tried to fix the relationship.

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Jun. 3, 2008 at 11:11 AM Some people really don't want to talk about the past especially when that person is ill, or simply b/c it takes them back (metally) to a place they don't want to be reminded of. I'm certain she hasn't forgotton unless she has amnesia, and i bet she has plenty of regrets for how she handled things but will not let you in on how or why. Maybe she will one day so you can move past. Just IMO, my father passed some years back and I haven't really cried much. I felt a lot of varying emotions, but just not like I need or want to cry, so I can understand a little. People deal with grief in very different ways and as long as they are not destructive to yourself then it is completely normal.

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