Ok Ladies, I am not sure where to start, first let me say I am just in shock and I have not even had a reaction to what I am about to tell you.  Second let me tell you that it doesn't matter how much we try to teach our children or what beliefs, morals and values you try to instill in them, they are going to do things that go against everything you have tried to teach them. I am soooo not sure what to do right now. So I am just going to lay it out there for you and hope that you can give me some advice, incourgement, something, anything, except hopefully no bashing. 

A month ago I caught my seventeen year old son smoking cigarettes, no its not the worst he could do, but I felt I had to take a stand and punish him for it. I am thinking if I don't take a stand on this what will be next.... drugs?  So he gets grounded for two weeks, and he has to ride the school bus to school. I take his truck from him.  He gets the truck back after two weeks and then I catch him a second time. Same punishment. Let me say the truck was taken away for lying about it. He would have been grounded whether he lied or not. But he would have kept his truck to get back and forth to school.  Now I have caught him a second time. I am so frustrated. But we get past this. He takes his punishment again. This is just a summary of the issues that I have had with my seventeen year old. This is the worst that I have caught him at.  We have rules at my house. And he is expected to follow them, if not you get punished. He has been a pretty well behaved kid. I've had Issues with him not doing homework and being lazy at school but nothing severe.

So last night I am getting ready to go to bed and he comes in my room and tells me he needs to talk to me. Fear washes over me. His first words are " its not good". I am thinking what has he done. He tells me that his ex girlfriend that he broke up with a few weeks ago is telling everyone at school that she is pregnant. He tells me he had sex with her one time about a two months ago. OMG!!!!! I am speechless sitting there on my bed. I absolutely had no emotion. Nothing. I asked if she really was pregnant and he said he didn't know for sure. He said when he would try to talk to her about it she just says yes real fast and walks away. I just look at my son in disbelief and have no idea what to say.  I said did you use protection? He said yes a condom. He also said it did not bust. OMG I can't believe I am sitting here having this conversation with my son. But still no anger, no tears, nothing.  He is in shock because I am not throwing a fit. But what would be the point. I know this sounds strange but I just sat there with a feeling of peace. I just have a feeling that things will be ok. Sounds stupid to type that, but its true.  I told my son to go to school tomorrow ( this was last night) and tell the ex girlfriend that she better tell him the truth, that he had told his mom, and that His mom was going to her house to talk to her parents. Which I will.  But I am thinking if she is just trying to cause drama and she really isn't pregnant then this will scare her into telling the truth. And If she is telling the truth and she is pregnant then We will just have to deal with it. I just want to be involved in any decisions that are made from the start. Please don't bash me but if they were to consider abortion it would just kill me. I would take this baby and raise it myself if abortion is an option for the girl or her parents. After all it is my son's child too. ( if she is pregnant). 

I have prayed about this. And I know that God will see us through it. I have complete and total faith in my God.  I know there are alot of people who don't believe in God or the Christian God, but that is not what this post is about. I DO BELIEVE. I know that is where my peace is coming from. This is going to be a big issue in my family but we will deal with whatever comes our way one day at a time.   I just needed to talk about it. I haven't told anyone in my family yet. I am waiting to see what happens today at school. I would just like to ask for prayer for this whole situation. For guidance, patience, and the strength to see us through whatever the Lord has in store for us.  It would be hard at this point in our lives, because as my friends know I am a single mom raising my 4 kids on my own. I work from home as a child care provider, and have made a living for me and my family, but this would make things even tighter financially, but its something I am willing to do and with God's continuing grace and mercy I know we will survive.

Well all that said thanks for lending an ear and listening to my problems.  May God bless each of you. Thanks again to all my supportive friends on Cafemom.

UPDATE:  Well my son got home just a little bit ago. We have been talking. He met with the girl and they had a long talk. She says she is pregnant and she has already been to the Dr., she gave my son her mom's phone number to give to me so I can call her.  I think she reallly must be pregnant because she was willing to give me her mom's number. Her mother's first reaction was to kick her out. She went to a friends but is back home now. PLEASE PRAY FOR US,  her parents want her to have an abortion, she does not. Neither do my son or I.  She is coming  over tonight so I can talk to the both of them and then we will be going to visit with her parents. There is a reason for this season in our lives that we are going through. I just pray that we will learn from this.  I want to mention I do not condon my son's actions but I will always be here for him and his baby.  I do however believe he must face the consequences for his actions.  He will take responsibility for his choices. I will stand by him and support him and love him and this baby unconditionally. Thanks again to all of you ladies. You are each a blessing to me. Thanks for being sooooo supportive. I will keep you posted on what happens next.  Tracie

UPDATED AGAIN: I guess I should have said this in the other update. I ask my son if the girl was a virgin at the time he had sex with her. He said no. She was not a virgin. I told him I am not saying this because I think she is a loose girl or that I think she get around, but I want to have a DNA test done, and he agreed with me. So yes to all who have asked that will be done hopefully we will make it that far. We have consentrate on getting the girl healthy, on vitamins, and deal with her parents and their views on what they think should be done. We have to get a healthy baby here before we can do any test like that. Or at least I think you do. Anyone know? You can't do DNA till the baby is here right?

UPDATE:  Ok, the girl has avoided us all night.  She has text my son asking him to please have me not call her mom for a few days. WHAT?? I told him that I wanted to talk to her(the girl) and her mom. That I was not waiting a few days. End of story.  Well finally after a lot of text, the mom text us and ask if we want to talk. I said yes. So I called her on the phone. Well now it gets interesting. The girl has told my son pryor to this that she has taken 4 pregnancy test and they were all positive and she has been to the doctor.  Mom says she has taken 2 pregnancy test with her standing over her daughter and they were both negative and that because her daughter was so adement that she has not had a period, she took her to the urgent care and they did a urinalisys and it test for something, i can't remember the letters, anyway if you are pregnant it should read at least a 25 and hers was at 0. Now I don't know anything about it. I am hoping someone on here will know more about it. My test were positive every single time I was pregnant. Now the mom did say that she was taking her to the doctor for blood work on Wednesday.  I am completely at a loss. Who is telling the truth, who is lying?  I voiced my concerns to the mom. I told her up front that we would be supportive, help however we needed to and we would take responsibility. I told her up front how I felt about abortion. And that I would be willing to take total responsibility for the baby if need be.  She said she understood. But never said how she felt about it.  She feels confident in the test and thinks that on Wed. it will show this too. Do you think she would lie about the test being negative and then take her daughter to get an abortion. I am so confused.  What do you guys think?

Update 6/3:  Wow I really hate to update again this is getting so long. Well a lot has happened in a day. Today the kids had a half day of school.  Well my son gets home and their is a lot of talk at school. Ok this afternoon the mother calls me again.  She tells me that she went ahead and took the girl to the doctor TODAY and had another urinalisys done. It was negative. What??? this is my thought.  I said really. She starts making excuses for her daughter and why she thought she was pregnant and how she was confused by the test she took by herself. Anyway she was kinda just rambling. But I cannot say I might not be the same if it was my daughter instead of my son. She is really irritated because the girl has started getting nasty text messages from people from school. She wants to call every parent of every kid who has text or said anything about her daugher. Again I am not in her shoes I might have done the same thing if it was my daughter. But realistically I can't see that making much difference.  Kids are going to be kids and they can be cruel.  These two (my son and ex girlfriend) have to just suck it up and deal with the rumors and reputations they now have. It doesn't make it right what other kids are doing but you can't do anything about it. But she ask me to ask my son to please tell his friends to stop texting her daughter ( some of the text did come from my sons friends). I told her I would tell my son, but other kids were out of my control.
So I was going to see if me and/or my son could go to the dr. on Wed. but now they have already gone today.  So I get off the phone with her and I get another phone call from my cousin.  She tells me that the story going around is that I had talked to the girls mother and voiced my opinion on abortion and that the girl is pregnant and they were not telling me or the girls father and they are having an abortion on Wed or Thurs.  OMG. I just talked to the mother and well I have already said what she told me. I am soooo confused. So I am debating on calling the mother back.  Well before I can she calls me. Apparently the person who called my cousin and told her what was being said around town has gone to the girls cheerleading coach and told her the girl is pregnant and that she should be kicked off the cheer team. So now the mother is more mad than ever.  But she is insinuating that my son was the one who continued to talk about it to the kids at school. But her daughter did not talk about it at all. What?! Anyway I am not getting into a pissing match with this woman over who said what to whom and when. This is ridiculous. I am thinking this is not the real problem here.  But the door was opened and I stepped right in. I told the mother what I had been told. That  they were keeping it from me and the father and that she was pregnant and that they were going for an abortion on Wed or Thurs.  She says no that is not true. I said well I am not trying to be disrespectful but for my own reasurance I would like proof. I am not trying to be mean but it is a huge concern and under the circumstances I feel we have a right to have proof either way whether positive or negative. she said she would go get a copy of the test from the doctors office. What do you ladies think about that? Is that proof enough? Would you take this as proof? Not that it will matter if they have decided to get an abortion, there is nothing we can do. But maybe just them knowing that we are in question and think they might, maybe it will lay heavy on their minds. who knows.  Any way then she goes back to her rant about her daughter and all the things being said and she wants people phone numbers and she want everyone to quit talking about her daughter. Still I understand but there is a bigger problem here than kids talking. They are going to do this anyway.  So ladies what do you make of all this. It is very tiring to me. My mind is very tired. I just want to know one way or the other for sure so we can MOVE FORWARD. I am starting to get frustrated.  Thanks again for all you support and kind words. I know sometimes we have alot of Drama on here, but in a time of real need of advice and support you have been awesome to me. Thanks again.


Update 6/4:  Ok ladies, after lots of prayers, a heart to heart with my son, lots of consideration on all the opinions from my wonderful friends here on Cafemom, this is what we have decided to do..... Me and my son together have decided to except the proof they give us ( if they give it at all, that remains to be seen) and just move forward in our lives and chalk this up to a very very hard lesson learned. It is after all out of our hands and control if she decides to terminate the pregnancy.  We however will keep our ears and eyes open for signs of her being pregnant and if she turns up with a child or pregnant we will take further action at that time. For now we are at peace with our decision and we are going to try and avoid any more drama if at all possible. I want to extend my greatest appreciation to all of you for your time, support, love, kind words and friendship. You have all been a blessing to me. You have been who I have talked to instead of my family. Not that I couldn't talk to them. They are the most awesome, unconditional, no matter what family, but I didn't want to burden them until we had gotten to the bottom of this. This is not to say I will not tell them now, I would hate it if they heard this out in the community instead of from me or my son. Again thank you. Love and prayers to all. Tracie.

 

The Ending: 

Ok Ladies, I just wanted to give you the low down on what has happened.  For those who don't know there is my other post somewhere on here called " I AM IN SHOCK!!!!"  it has been updated too many times and is too long. So I decided to just post again.  The other post is also in my journal post on my profile page.

The Mother has still been calling me about all the rumors and what everyone is saying about her daughter. But I have moved past it. I have seen the negative pregnancy test and the test results from the doctors office from May 29th, when she went for the urinalisys. Ok now the mother wants to know who started the whole abortion rumor. Well it was her own daughter, my son's ex, The mother is so mad at her daughter, because everything she is trying to blame on others comes back to be because of her daughter. I am sure she is totally embarrassed by now. I have been as courteous and nice the whole time. And I know her daughter has been lieing but really who wouldn't in that position. So I am very sympethetic. Even though she keeps insinuating that it is my son who is keeping it stirred up. My son is on lock down and has become my new shadow for a while and I have his phone. So he hasn't even seen or talked to anyone. But this is all water under the bridge now anyway. We have all learned a hard lesson, or at least I hope and pray my son has.

So now let me tell you what the real true story is. After it is all said and done and me and the mother get to the bottom of everything.  My son had broke up with the girl at the beginning of April. The girl gets obsessed with my son. She text him 24/7, calls him all the time, crying & begging him to get back with her. (We have the text). Anyway  On April 19th they were at a rodeo, not together, but both were there.  The girl is following my son everywhere, she gets in his truck with him and they start talking, my son tells her he does not want to get back together, well one thing led to another and they have sex. Not that it is right, because my son had absolutely no respect for her to have sex with her knowing he cared nothing about being with her. But he is a 17 year old boy. Not that it is right, I do not agree with his choice of that night.  After that night she was calling and crying that she had done that with him and he just doesn't care, etc. So my son gets back with her. It lasted for about 2 weeks and he breaks up with her again. A week and a half go by and then she starts saying she is pregnant.  And then from my other post you know the rest of the story.  Fact is she is not nor never was pregnant and the mother and me now know it was for attention and to try and get my son back.  Apparently the girl has been in counseling/therapy before, because the mothers statement to me was " I guess I am going to have to get her BACK into counseling".  Anyway I can only imagine what this mother must be going through. I am so glad we have finally gotten the truth and we can all go forward and try and move on with our lives and hopefully my son and the girl have learned one of the biggest lessons in there young lives. Thanks again ladies for your advice support and friendship. I appreciate all of you.

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Comments:

jenca...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 11:51 AM Wow..that is a rough spot to be in. Hugs!  I hope that everything works out for you guys.  I'll say a prayer for you, your son and your family.  Please, keep us updated.

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KayS.
Jun. 2, 2008 at 11:53 AM Good for you for turning to God during this time of confusion.  I'll pray for you and your son.  Keep the faith.

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momof...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 11:55 AM I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like God has given you Peace no matter the outcome. He came to you and he is needing your unconditional love and support. Its great that you are giving it to him. I would definitely go talk to the parents and find out if this is true. Thats very important. Hang in there and God WILL see you through.

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Bonni...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 12:02 PM

Wow.  Well the smoking thing is a hard one..  I have an 18 year old who has been smoking since she was 15,  When we first found out we would throw away her cigarettes every time we found them but this did not do anything she would just get more.  We were very dissappointed but some things you just cant do anything about.  She is not allowed to smoke in our house.  I have 3 girls and have always worried about them getting pregnant.  I know that my 18 year old started having sex at like 16 but I didnt find that out till she was 17.  We have talked to her about it but I just thank God she hasnt gotten pregnant.  Our oldest did not have sex till she was 19 and she was very in love. She is 23 now and still with the same guy. She has been with him for almost 4 years.  Our youngest is 17 and I worry about her the least but I still worry. She has a boyfriend who is also 17 and they have been dating for 9 months now and it seems to be a very serious relationship.  We love him alot and I have inadvertingly talked to him about having sex as a teen and he told me he didnt want to have sex at this point in his life and I am not sure he told me that because he was serious about that or that he thinks that is what I  want to hear.  But our daughter has very high morals and says she wants to wait till she is married but our oldest said that too and now she lives with her boyfriend.  It took my husband a long time to accept that.  We try our best to make sure our youngest and her boyfriend are not alone but if they want to be they will find a way.  Our daughter always says what do you think we are going to do?  I was a teenager once and I know that some times things  happen in the heat of the moment. She knows how we feel.  Well good luck with that.  I hope she is not pregnant but if she is you will find a way to deal with it.  As they say God does not give us more then we can handle. 

                                                                                      Yvonne

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clack...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 12:05 PM

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, havng all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 niv

I have small children, so I am not where you are at...yet.  However, I used to teach before I had kids, and now I work at a boys home for teenagers who are coming from jail and trying to get treatment.  I am so thankful that it is on your heart to keep this child.  So many parents, even Christian parents, would not be so courageous.  If this girl is pregnant, that surely will be consequence enough for your son.  Even this scare, if she isn"t, should hopefully rattle his cage.  I just want to encourage you to have the long hard talks with your son.  This is a defining moment for both of you.  You both will always remember how you handled this situation, which is why crying out to our God is the best place to be.  His grace is sufficient, His love is big enough, His strength will endure through you. I will be praying for you. 

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Twinm...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 2:14 AM

Adoption is such a wonderful alternative to abortion, if your son's ex-girlfriend does not wish to raise the baby herself.  I will pray that she does not choose abortion, and that if she chooses to keep the baby or to place the baby for adoption, you will be able to be as loving and supportive as possible through it all.

I do suggest that if she decides to keep the baby, your son will go ahead and request a paternity test after the little one is born.  There is generally a time limit for doing that - you can check with your state to find out what the law is there.  The girl may feel insulted that he would want the test, but having a child is a lifelong responsibility, and honestly, in this day and age I think any unmarried couple (and some married couples) should do a DNA test just to be sure before a man gets too attached to the child.  It is not even about trying to get out of paying for the baby's needs - it is about making sure that a few years down the road, you aren't stripped of your rights as a father because suddenly you find out the baby your thought was yours is not.  (But I wouldn't bring it up until later.  They have enough to worry about now.)

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gusti...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 3:19 AM good luck i hope she keeps the baby my aunt had three abortions and got cancer from it

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twink58
Jun. 3, 2008 at 10:31 AM I am so sorry and I must say very impressed with your reaction and the way you are dealing with this God Bless You!!! I don't think you have missed a beat good job. Do I think she will lie and then go through with an abortion, not really but it is possible, somehow though I think she is not pregnant, and it will all be over soon. You have done an excellent job with your son for him to know he can come and talk to you imediately is an awesome thing You go girl!! keep praying and I will join the prayer circle for you

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momof...
Jun. 4, 2008 at 9:19 AM She was talking about HCG. Her levels of HCG needed ot be at 25 for them to consider her pregnant and they were at 0. If her mother was able to give you that kind of info, then I would relax. She is probably not. It sounds like she may be looking for attention and even negative attention is better than none at all. If the mother witnessed 2 neg tests then she is most likely not pregnant. If he wore a condom, then that also should be taken into consideration. If it did not break, the success rate of that is like 97%. I think I would really just sit back and pay attention and watch her. THe fact that you and your son have taken responsibility is wonderful. That shows of your integrity, character and the like that you have raised him with. Bravo to you. I think youre going to be okay with this one. I sense she is doing someting for attention. Poor kid.

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clack...
Jun. 4, 2008 at 9:26 AM Her mom might be lying, but she may not.  Let's just pray that He will let the truth be revealed.  All you can do is pray.

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