I have wrote before about this.. My son and his father... I need to vent... once again...

This time I need to know what you ladies think about this.. I recently moved and changed my phone number, so my son's biological father (lets call him Mike) does not have our new address and number.. not because of me, but because he almost never calls.. so I told him we where about to move the last time I spoke to him and I even tried calling his house and work to give him the new number with no luck.. he is not home or doesn't want to pick up and he is always at lunch break at work when I call.. (I called him 3 times already). 

I even told my son today to call him one more time.. nothing..  my son is not to eager to talk to him.. sadly he is 12 years old and can tell when somebody is not interested..

I dont want to push the issue.. if it was for me he would never talk again to his son.. but I dont want to be the one to decide that.. so my question is:  Should I keep trying or should I just let things at that?

I wonder if I can get in trouble because I moved and didnt give him the info? because I did try.. he is in the system.. he pays child support when the government starts sending him notices.. he is backed up over $1300.. but that's not important, I wish I could just erase him and my husband could adopt my son.. last name and everything (my son wants to have his last name, he doesnt like to be the only one with a different last name)...  I even asked Mike if he would give up his rights and I wont ask for child support anymore this way we can change his last name but he said no... he likes to be a father when it is convenient to him.. like when he is trying to pick up girls.. or impress his co-workers.. anyway... thanks to everyone that reads this "vent" post.. and if you want to.. give me your opinion it will be greatly appreciated.

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Comments:

mary820
Jun. 2, 2008 at 12:57 PM

 I keep notes in a file every time I talk to the Support Enforcement office - maybe you should write down that you attempted to call him to let him know the new phone number.  Then if it ever comes up you can show that you tried to reach him. 

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selenad
Jun. 2, 2008 at 1:11 PM Lets just say I know how your son feels, I too have been and still am in his situation with my dad. My mother always encouraged us to communicate with dad.But when I reflect on my life, he's never been around for those memories or good times, I only remeber my dad acting like an ass.He treats Lauren the same way and I've since kept Lauren away from my dad.Remeber, you must defend and fight for your son, you've done all you can but if his dad wants to be a jerk, you can't hold the veil over his eyes.Just be yourself and imagine if it were you..dont give him false hope like my mom did with me, I had to find out on my own that all those years he never gave a shit about me and my brothers,none of us 3 go to visit. My older brother goes for family functions, but stays in a hotel with his wife and kids, and my lil brother hates his guts!! Good Luck babes Im routing for you!! be strong for your son..

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kfost...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 1:25 PM Well - I have experience on this subject...I have a "MIA sperm donor" as well.  I'll tell you what I have done - I have made sure that he knows some way to get ahold of me - email address, parents address, parents home number, etc - but he does NOT know my address.  I went to the court house and paid the fee to have my daughters name legally changed to my husbands (who has been her real dad almost her whole life)- which the "sperm donor" should have no say over - if you have full custody.  However - I don't know how it would work if you are getting child support from him - I don't have that problem.  If I were you I would keep a journal - I do - about as much as you can remember from the past and from now on - times he calls, visits, etc - and also keep in there times you attempt to call him and why you couldn't get through to him - (i.e. 6/2/08 - called "mike" at home - no answer, left msg on machine, or called work and he was out to lunch - left msg with associate) that way you have a record of the times you have attempted to get in contact with him and if it ever becomes an issue you have the back up.  I have been dealing with this for 6 years - random calls or messages every other year...it is painful and disgusting...I have no respect for a "parent" who can't step up to the plate and do their part.  It is even worse if they don't do their part as well as jump in there every once in a while just to stir the pot and confuse the living heck out of the child...girl - you do what you think is best for your son - "mike" obviously doesn't have his best intrest at heart like you do...

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Blond...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 1:31 PM Yvonne, I am so sorry that he is hurting your son in this way. Of course your son can see the difference. Poor kid. Check your current state laws regarding visitation. After a certain amount of time YOU can file for dissolution of parental rights due to abandonment. He is supposed to physically see your son periodically or else the court can remove his rights. But, in order to have them terminated, NYS requires an adoption. So, find out how long he needs to go w/o seeing him, and petition the court for your hubby to adopt him. That's what we did with our son, and it was the BEST decision we could have ever made. Good luck and lot's of hugs! 

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yvonne37
Jun. 2, 2008 at 1:36 PM

Thank you so much for your advice.. I do keep track of everything.. you should see his file!.. its overwhelmingly big.. I even keep receipts just in case he wants to know where his stupid money goes.. I'm just so tired of this..

The only legal thing I could do is wait until my child is 18 and he can change his last name himself.. besides that I would have to "hide" from his father.. and drop the child support case in order to say he "abandoned" his son and that way my hubby could adopt him..

I dont know my father, my mother never gave me the chance to know him and I know he must not really want to know me because he could have easily found me through the family (his family knows mine) but he didnt (38 years have passed by) so I know how it feels, and I didnt want my child feel this way...

thanks again.. I will leave it at that.. he has my email.. and my mothers number.. if he really wanted he could find the way to get in contact, besides I can tell my son is less stressed when he dosent talk to him.

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yvonne37
Jun. 2, 2008 at 1:38 PM Hi blondee.. thanks so much.. I will look into it.. I didnt know about this. I will call my social worker and ask.. thanks!

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blues...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 9:58 PM

I'm sorry I am so late with this......  hugs to you and your son!   Everyone has already said everything I would have, but I just wanted to let you know that I care a lot about you.  I personally think you are a great mom and your son knows that.

I would just keep telling your son how much you and your husband love him. Talk to him and see how he feels.

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