Im thinking long and hard about the transplant process. Its difficult for me to talk about without breking out the tears. I just keep thinking abut the future and the kids. Right now its like looking through water - hazy and uncertain. When I started dialysis I had options. Do i want to do in clinic hemodialysis? or at home peritoneal dialysis? or do I wanna do at home hemo which is obviously what I opted for.  HemoDialysis at home has been perfect for me and my family. I get to have total control over the entire process by doing everything myself. The only reason I need a dialysis partner is "just in case". Sometimes I get alarms that are outof my reach and require someone who is mobile. For the majority of my runs I never have alarms though, its been a pretty easy run technically. Emotionally it has been extremely hard. I consider mysel an optimist so I am always searching for the positive in all situations. I ma searching for a positive solution to my transplant procedure as well. I am lucky to have options with transplant now too. The old transplant was a simple process of matching blood types and tissues but it also comes with 16 pills a day for the rest of my life. Im not a pill person in any way, never have been. I don't take my meds now as it is so I know that because I kow me so well I won't be able to handle that, its just too much man! But this new transplant procedure is like a miracle procedure where the bone marrow is transplanted first then the organ gets transplanted. Tissues don't need to match only the blood type O is needed positive or negative - doesn't matter. With the bone marrow my body will be getting a whole new immune system to couple with mine that will be identical to my donors system. This is to prevent organ rejection and will bring the entire transplant procedure to a close with only 1 pill a day for the rest of my life. The only thing is I need a live donor. Someone living who is loving enough to say yes I can do this with you. Its is very clear which procedure I would rather opt for but do I really have a choice? I just can't see through the murkey water. I pray that if anyone really does read this then they will rally to help me find a positive solution to my problem with transplant.





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