Not long ago I came to the realization that I've become a little off track on my spiritual path...focusing more on the research and the reading of my path rather living it and tending to my spirit. I've held the Mother Goddess at arms length and haven't been listening to her words of wisdom as much as I should be. But I know she is patient, like all good mothers are.

This morning I did some writing on shamanic soul retrieval and got to thinking about the little pieces of my own spirit that disconnected over the years due to different occurrences. So often, when I focus on the healing aspects of my journey here, I circle back to the years of trauma; but I suppose it's natural since those were some of my first experiences in life and in a lot of ways they shaped me. That's not to say that those experiences are all that I am, but I'd be untruthful if I said they didn't affect how I sometimes see myself and the world.

I once read that children who are abused in their early years sometimes have brains that develop differently. What happens is that their bodies are so repeatedly flooded with stress that as they grow, the part of the brain that handles fear becomes overdeveloped. So, put simply, their brains are overly tuned in to danger and they may even sense danger in situations where there is none. I spent a good portion of my early adulthood trying to either deny that fear, escape it in unhealthy ways or shaming myself into thinking I was just weird. It took me a while but eventually I found out there was actually a techical name for this trauma-based fear (PTSD) but more importantly that I couldn't run away from it or deny it; I had to face it and heal it. Easier said than done though, but things did improve and they still are. There are times though when things just become too much and I retreat within, falling into the learned patterns of survival. But I remind myself during those times, that I want to do more than survive...I want to live.

So now, once again I turn to the Mother and the Creator. I sit in silence and feel the love that they offer; the eternal love that heals and renews. Within the love there are many lessons...lessons of discovery, hope and joy.

I'm a work in progress, but aren't we all?


Blessed be and love to you all


 

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Comments:

Tries...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 4:02 PM

((((((((HUGS)))))))))

As the soul parts come back and the Divine Truth of your being is re-assimilated, the fear will become less and less, the past will be just the past. 

LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!

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Total...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 4:22 PM

"But I remind myself during those times, that I want to do more than survive...I want to live."

   Yes, Live that is just it.. Aline and live..

  Love you...xoxoxo

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