I dont know what I'm doing wrong, and I dont know how I can fix everything. Tom says I'm not doing anything wrong, and I'm doing nothing different...he says its "him".

Our marriage is nowhere where I want it to be. I feel like its me and the kids, and Tom isn't there at all. I am so thankful that I'm able to stay home and raise our kids, and I thank him everyday for that. Dont get me wrong, he works very hard to support our family, most weeks he puts in 50+ hours. When he comes home, he's tired, which I can understand, he works 12 hour shifts. But he allows no family time anymore. He comes home, and sits. He hardly talks to me, and he barely acknowledges the kids, Hannah especially. He gets so frustrated when he holds her, and he doesn't understand why she's screaming...um hello, hold her and bond with her more than you do....get up with her at night like I do. And when she cries like that, he gives her back to me and says "She hates me, here you can have her" Get a chance to know your daughter...spend time with her...dont plant your ass on the couch and play your video games. I might sound very selfish saying this, but when she does get into one of her screaming fits like that, I am always the one that can calm her down and comfort her and I love it. I have such a bond with her, its amazing.

Every night I make dinner, me and Brayden are usually the only ones that eat. I'm trying to provide my family with a structured environment, and no one is going for it. I make things that I know Tom will like, and he always says "I'm not hungry, I'll eat later" or "I'll take it for lunch" and he never does. Instead of eating my healthy meal that I make, with our family, he grabs a bag of chips and goes to the living room couch. Elijah sees it thinks its okay, and its definitely not okay.  Granted he's only 4 years old and he's a picky eater, but I do not see him learning to like anything because of what Tom is doing. I think its absolutely disgusting. I'm afraid Brayden is going to pick up on this bad habbit very quickly before I can get a chance to change anything. I normally ask Tom to do the dishes after dinner, unless he's working nights, and they never get done...they're always waiting for me. Because his stupid video games, and tv and cigarettes are more important than helping out with small chores around the house. He thinks that because I'm a SAHM, I'm to do everything. I do alot, but I do ask for help to, putting away a load of laundry, do the dishes quickly, take out the garbage. Right now, I have 4 load of laundry to fold and put away, I have to finish the dishes, and the trash needs to go out...all things he said he was gonna do, but didn't. And that isn't all I have to do either.

The boys fight all the time, and they dont listen to me anymore. I broke down this afternoon and just cried because I can't get them to listen to me. They're constantly fighting, they run around the house screaming, and no matter how many times I tell them not to get into something, they do it anyways. What the hell is the secret?? What am I supposed to do? I can't take this anymore. I pray to God that Hannah doesn't turn out like them. Tom doesn't help me with them nearly as much as he should...he way of parenting is to yell at them...you know what Tom...FUCK YOU BIG TIME!

I hate how its always about him...I get no attention, at all. This isn't how my marriage is supposed to be..and this isnt how it was in the beginning. When we first started dating, and shortly after we were married, he would always find a babysitter for us to have a date night. Or he would make the time to sit down and talk to me...he would even help me with housework. Now, all we do is fight. I dont have a husband anymore...he's just someone that I fight with and thats it. It breaks my heart everyday to see what he is doing to our marriage. I question if there is someone else, or if he's truly not happy. I do everything I can to keep him happy...I'm one thats all for the I love you cards...Just because, or the sweet gifts just because...and thats what I do all the time. I've come to not expect these things anymore. I just dont understand what went so wrong. i dont understand why I'm dealing with this...I am just about ready to throw the towel in, I'm so fed up with trying to be such a good person....I dont know anymore

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 4:34 PM sorry I acan't be much help with hubby advice. Thankfully I've got a great one.  As for the kids behavior, i've promoted it before and I'll do it again, Love and Logic parenting classes. If they don't offer them in your area, go on-line and get some of the books or use the on-line tools.  It saved my relationship with our oldest son and made our lives bookoos better!

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 4:43 PM My husband and I went through something similar...I don't know all the details but the one thing that worked the best for us was for me to pretty much make him sit down and talk to me - and more importantly listen to me.  I broke down on him - so he knew I was for real - told him how I felt and how hurt I was - how I wondered if he loved me, those type of things.  But I will say thing- the MOST important thing about sitting him down and talking to him - is NOT to blame him and throw accusations up in his face.  I don't know you so I don't even know if you are the type of person who gets defensive or not - but as soon as you point a finger at him and blame him for everything that is wrong in your life he will get defensive and it will only start a shouting match.  (believe me, I learned this the hard way).  Try and talk it out - be rational and calm - and try and find at least one thing both of you can change or work on that will help you both out.  It is also important to try and keep the kids out of the discussion - wait till the baby is sleeping or all of them for that matter - or let them watch a movie - something so you have some time to talk.  Also - try and do it on a weekend - when he isn't exhausted from a long day at work (as well as you from a long day at work - and being a SAHM is work) or in a hurry to get to work.  It is so important to listen to each other and try and see each others point of view.  it's hard...I battle the video games and computer every day!!!  But it was well worth every second of the discussion - we are so much closer now.  Good luck - and I'm here if you need me!

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Jun. 3, 2008 at 11:38 AM omg are we living the same life? I could have written most of that word when describing my life. I am here if you need to talk, I am going through the same thing!   

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