Ever been in a situation you're not sure which way to turn?  Ok i am there right now.  Its bugging the hell outta me.  You know how when your past finally catches up with you, you either have to face it to get through life or keep running and pretending everything is ok.  But if you run you miss a chance to do something or be with someone.  The thing is you don't really want to miss out.  But its like the usual rules of this game can't apply to you because you can't seem to stop running in the other direction.  You sit and try to explain the situation but they keep pushing and pushing, and old memories come back and your heart is pounding so hard in your chest and all you want to do it throw up.  its a miracle you've lasted this long.  You see a pattern, you see whats happening now as a parallell to what happened before.  Its following the same pattern, promises that only this will happen when in reality other things, bad things happen instead.  But you're intrigued, you'd love to do this.  Maybe it'll be fun, maybe it'll mean getting in too deep and getting hurt and in trouble.  I don't want to have to make this decision you know.  You think hey I'm ready for it, I can do it, but then when it starts to happen you have a mini panic attack.  So now you wonder if he'll just cut his loses and find someone who fits the bill.  I don't like my body.  I don't find myself pretty.  I don't want to be hurt.  I don't want the past to repeat it's self.  I know by now its a confusing mess of words that no one understands.  But if you know in the end the situation would go no where, it would be nothing but fun and games for a while, which may or may not end in me being hurt, would you go for it??  Would you say that at 23 i have all the time in the world and should enjoy myself while i can and try to get passed the hang ups??  Or would you say i should just keep to myself until I find something meaningful that doesn't include me having to dig up my demons and face them??  I'm just so confused.  Because wanting something and doing something are 2 totally different situations.  There are days i wish i didn't have so many demons to fight.  Damn it Jen where are ya when I need you hun.  I feel like I'm drowning girl.  Its your turn to help me dig out of this whole I'm living in.  Call me.

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Jun. 14, 2008 at 1:51 AM Oh Girl!! Im sorry I havent been on here to help~Things are so hectic with a new baby!! How are things now??? I know EXACTLY what u mean! My X is doing the same thing! Here he showed no emotion while we were together but now that Ive left he tries and tries and tries... which makes it harder and harder! Ahhhh!! Im here for u anytime u need me!!!! I Love You!  and whether u think so or not 23 is a young age and u DO have time to move on and find a really great guy! My advice is to go out and have fun!! And if u find a great guy hang on to him.. if it takes a little while then enjoy it! I hate being single but at the same time u will get used to it and have fun with it! Im here if u need anything and Im just sorry it took me so long to answer u!!

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