my personal struggle with OCD!

my personal struggle with OCD! (obsessive compulsive disorder)

I once let something have complete control of my life..It wasn't of the Holy Spirit,God. It was a series of thoughts that would go over and over in my brain until I finally gave in and stopped fighting the urge to do what I really wanted to do. Give into my  OCD( obsessive compulsive disorder). I would tell myself when I woke up okay "today will be different".. I would in the back of my mind. "it will just go away on its own".. It will all be okay..What I didnt realize was that ":it was not going away on its own" and I did need help!!!

Well when i say complete control, I mean I woke up struggling with my ocd and going to be at night still thinking about it.. It immersed all my thoughts, feelings every aspect of my life.. I know now it was mainly a control issue.

I felt like my life was spinning out of control and I didn't know where or who to turn to.. I had my husband to turn to. But I looked inward instead and It got me in more anguish and despair.. I didn't want to always be thinking of the thoughts I was but I couldn't seem to get a handle on them.

I will be extremely honest and tell u an example of one of my ocd experiences,. I would.... go to a store buy a shirt, pair of pants., or a pair of shoes,. I would then the next day or sometimes even just hours later go back to the store and make up an excuse for why I wanted to exchange them .. I would the get something different , a diff color, size, just enough to make it seem reasonable.. I know after awhile the people working at the stores must have thought. What is wrong with this girl!!!???........Inside I felt ashamed and helpless. I knew I needed help but was too full of pride to ask for help..

It ultimately led me to becoming depressed which into return led to full blown postpartum depression after having my 4th child..  I have been delivered of my ocd tendencies.!! Thanks to God. I am so thankful that I do not have to dread waking up everyday to 24 more hours of struggling.  If u have ever experienced any thing like this.. I  want u to know. U are not alone!!!!! Seek help... pray to God that he would take it from you... I pray this will give someone the courage to speak out and not be ashamed., We all go through rough storms. God is there to carry us through and be there with us the whole time. He will never leave us alone to deal with our struggles..

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