Ok, so my dad is almost 50. That's not old, but it's not young either. I, up until May 17th, lived with my dad. Many times over the past four years, I've heard these words. "I'm done raising kids. My kids are grown. I'm too old, tired"... you fill in the blank. He has, many times, screamed this at me from the top of his lungs.... SOOOO

So now I've moved out. I will not raise my kids in a war zone, and I won't stay where I'm not wanted. Don't get me wrong, my daddy's a good man who's done more than he really should have during those four years. But he's ready for some peace and quiet. Ok I get that. Heck I even understand that. I mean, I'm 26 and am already longing for some peace and quiet. lol. Through a series of arguements about many things, I decided it was time to go.. especially if I wanted to retain any form of relationship with my dad. So ok. I've moved out, and am quite estatic about the boys and I being in our own place. It's liberating while at the same time quite scary. But I digress. That's not really what this post is about... This post is about Daddy.

So a week before I moved out, I ran into a woman that my dad had once asked to marry him. She turned him down flat and stopped hanging out with him. She inquired about dad, so I gave her his numbers and mine. Now I like her fine. She's ok... she's just not that good for my dad. Let me explain.

She is 31 years old. (That's a year older than my brother.) She has two children ages 11 and 9. (My dad says he doesn't want any more kids or to raise any more kids... or at least that's what he screamed at me). She is currently living with another man (who she is sleeping with) while "hanging out" with my dad. My dad claims to be a Christian, and yet has plans to (and probably in this order if I know my Dad) 1) move her into the house 2) get her saved 3) get her to fall madly in love with him (she thinks of him as a daddy figure...) 4) get her to marry him 5) possibly have another child with her while raising her two boys... at an age where he's already stated he's too old to be raisin' babies.

Aside from that, she likes to party and drink. She's grown and works hard to take care of her kids.. so I guess she's entitled to a drink now and again. I don't care about that.. BUT my dad's an alcoholic... long time recovering.. hasn't a drink in so long I can't remember. I worry that in his eagerness to be loved in the right way by this woman, he will compromise. I worry that he'll compromise his faith, his relationship with Jesus, and that he'll start the drinking again.

I understand that I can't say anything to him about this. I can't tell him he's stupid or whatever for doing what he's doing. You can't help who you love, but you CAN help who you allow to use you. And I'm very much afraid she is going to use him for all he is and has. Afraid that when she's finished with him, she'll leave him with nothing even close to what he had before. And I've said all I'm going to say to him about the situation. He's just thinking with his heart instead of his head. And when he does that, it's not good for him. I've seen the unpaid bills, the bitterness that comes after one of Dad's "girls" leaves him.

*Sigh* Just cuz I'm his daughter doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm talking about. Now.... if he'd acknowledge that and be careful... but he won't. Cuz I'm HIS daughter... and I don't know what I'm talking about.


Add A Comment


Jun. 2, 2008 at 5:26 PM Does he have a close AA friend or person from the church he would listen to if things started to look like he may go down the wrong path? He may be more willing to talk to one of them and take their advice then yours. What a good daughter you are to be so concerned for him! My dad is an alcoholic so I know what could happen and am hoping the best for your dad.

Message Friend Invite

Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:38 AM He is not currently in church. He doesn't "like the preacher"... or the church or the congregation of any of the million and one churches around this area. So that's one thing that's not going to help. As far as having someone to talk to that would caution him... well, all of his friends are telling him to go for it. My brothers and I have all spoke to him of our concerns... and he blows us off. So I'm stuck waiting to see what's going to happen, and possibly being the one to have to clean up the aftermath of it.

Message Friend Invite (Original Poster)

Jun. 5, 2008 at 2:49 PM Hi Vikki !  Glad to say Hello girl! I would like to comment on your post, well, my dad is also an alcoholic, --(he is 62yrs old,now )__he drank for many years, then he quit drinking,for about 14 years  then after my mom passed away in 2005, he began drinking again, only not too much, now, he will have a 16 oz beer every 2 -4,days,,, any way,  ---- I think you did the right thing to move out, i'm sure you'll do fine, and i think you are a great daughter for looking out for your dad,  I hope your dad finds some other Lady to like, because sounds like that woman you spoke about could be bad news.  Yes, church can help him, but we cant make anyone go if they dont want to,   That woman should leave your dad alone, because her "good habits" will not help your dad any,  well, if that were my case, i would do all possible to lure her AWAY from your dad ASAP ,  if she were ever to marry your dad, it might make him happy for a while but in the long run, she could promote his drinking for a longer time, and who knows? will she approve of you visiting your dad w/kids and moving back in w/your dad if you were to need some help in the future? will she allow that? will he permit her to run the house and 'their desisions? or will your dad definatley always be the boss?  i hope she , that woman is not that kind of person, 20 yrs diff., in age is a whole lot in my opinion. some men, not all, and not your dad, well some men get lured off with a younger woman and treat them better than their own families. and their personality changes, because they are only thinking of themselves. ( in the past, my dad kicked my sis out of the house w/ baby girl, told her to find a place to live in 2 weeks time, and sent her to public shelter, or the ronald mc donalds house til she found somewhere, just because he had the hots for a promiscuous lady. they have recociled, along tme ago, but he , my dad was only thinking of himself.  i wish the best for you, and hope all things work out well,    bye!

Message Friend Invite

Jun. 5, 2008 at 4:36 PM

Hey AshleyAmanda. I miss you girl. I do see some positive changes in my dad. He's loosing weight, which he needed to do, he's keeping the house clean, which all fell on me while I was there, and he seems happier. BUT I don't know how long it's going to last. I know this woman. She's ok. I mean I don't have a problem with her. The biggest reason for that is because I doubt very seriously if she thinks of my dad in this way. She loves him... but as a friend or daddy figure ya know? I want Dad to be happy. I would love to see my daddy settle down with a good woman who loves him more than life. But this lady... I don't think she's it.

Oh and as far as the will she allow me to move back in thing? DADDY'S already said the only person who's gonna be moving in is her. 

Message Friend Invite (Original Poster)

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in