How will I ever bear the next couple of months with my son gone?
Mason is off on his new adventure.....Basic Training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina!  I tried very hard not to cry when he hugged me goodbye but I couldn't hold back the tears (and he looked as though he might cry also).  I cried all the way home.....would compose myself.....and then start crying again.

 
I don't know how Mother's who's children are sent overseas to fight in places like Iraq and Afghanistan bear it.  How do spouse's bear this lonely, empty feeling?  They must be much stronger individuals than me.  My child is only leaving to go to basic for a couple of months and here I sit, blubbering like a little baby.  I am quite sure that I will be emotional the remainder of the week and possibly into next week.  Why do I feel like this knowing that he will be back in a couple of months and going to college?

Perhaps it is knowing that when he returns, he will no longer be a child.  He will be a man.  Perhaps it is knowing that this is the final cut of those infamous apron strings.  Perhaps is it knowing that I won't be there to "protect" him as I have done for the past eighteen years.  Perhaps it is these things and so many more that have me in such an emotional state.

He will be allowed to call me tomorrow when he gets there.  I'm not sure what time it will be whether in the afternoon or the evening.  No one seems to be able to give me specifics.  I like specifics but that is probably because I like to be in control. I feel totally helpless in this situation because I have no control.

It will be a week or more before we receive a letter from him and will know where we can write to him.  We were assured that the drill sergeants make sure that they write home because recruiters were receiving so many calls from concerned parents that had not heard from their children.

Don't get me wrong . . . I am very proud of him and the decision he has made.  I feel as though I am being selfish.....wanting to keep him home with me.  I must face the fact that he is no longer a child and that the time has come for him to spread his wings.  I have raised him to be a good, honorable, and decent young man.  It's just so very hard to let go.

I dreaded coming in the house.  Here I sit and the house has a different feel to it . . . almost as though it knows that Mason is gone.  It's way too quiet.....and very lonely feeling.

 
I'll miss the music or the television blaring from the surround sound speakers in his room.  I'll miss saying "Who turned this A/C down so low?" (knowing all the time it was Mason that did it), or "Would you please take the dog outside!", or "What time will you be home tonight?".

Most of all, I will miss my goodnight hug and the sound of his hushed voice saying "Goodnight, Mom.  I love you!" as he kisses me on the cheek before going off to bed.

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Comments:

Beani...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 6:20 PM From one lonely mommy to another Hugs. I'm here when you need me. You will get through this. The first 3 days Tym was gone I slept in his bed. I refused to wash anything that might smell like him. It sucks. You also need to know that you raised a good man. A man who is willing to put his country and family before himself a man who will make you proud for the rest of your life. He'll be home before you know it and don't wait till you get that first letter to start writing. Write now and mail later. Remember to keep things upbeat, don't under any circumstances let him see your fear. He needs all his strength right now and moms are a great source of strength. Mason and your family are in my prayers. Huggies.

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dncnmom
Jun. 2, 2008 at 7:41 PM I can't and won't presume to know what you are feeling right now. I don't have a son, and my dtr. has no intention of going into the military. But I do know that you have raised a son to be very proud of. And you are a mom who should be very proud of herself, if for nothing else but that. You did your job, and you did it well. You are not being in the least bit selfish to want him home, safe & sound. He is your son...you raised him and nurtured him...but above all, you love him. And as his mom, you will go on being proud of him, and being his strength when he needs it. You will suck it up so that he doesn't see, but you will lose it occasionaly, and that's perfectly ok to do so. Now is the time to find a new hobby...something just for you. It will help take your mind off of things, and give you a new reason to wake up each morning. And stock up on paper and pens, cause I'm sure you will be writing a whole lot! LOL

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msund...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 8:08 PM Sweetie, it is hard to let go, isn't it?  You are absolutely correct--he is becoming a man and the dynamics of many things are going to change.  Just like when he started kindergarden, there is going to be a newfound independence on his part.  But just like then, some things change and some things stay the same.  His love for you will still be just as strong and in some ways stronger because he will understand love in a more mature way, he will be able to appreciate the things that you have done for him and the concern that you feel for him.  You couldn't--and wouldn't really want to--stop his march into manhood any more than you could stop him from learning to walk, talk and all the other rites of passage our kids go through. You are stronger than you know.  There is no shame in tears, so cry when you need to.  We are all here for you, Theresa!!!!    Hugs!!!!!

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jmmca...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 10:47 PM I'm here for you my son graduates this year and he keeps getting things from the army he has sent for them on the computer i cant imagine what you are going through my heart stops when my sons just looking at it. Letting them grow up is hard but having them where you cant call when you wont has to be hard will pray for you and your family

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marth...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:46 AM Oh my, I feel your pain.  My son leaves for the navy in 2 mos.  I just keep wondering where the time went.  When he walked across that stage to get his diploma I thought my heart would burst from pride and break from sadness all at the same time.  My house is so loud right this minute, both sons are home and have friends outside playing basketball.  Im setting in the dark with the window open so I can hear them.  I know this summer is the last and I want to cherish every last minute.  I have watched my sister go through this with 2 sons, one army, one navy.  Their relationships have changed but it is still good, great actually, just different.  She keeps telling me she didn't lose a son, she gained a man.  You are in my prayers.

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sheli...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 9:08 AM I completely understand.  When I left for basic (navy) my heart was being torn out of my chest.  My mom didn't hold back and she let it all out.  I think she did try to keep composed but it didn't work.  It was very difficult and the during the drive to where ever I had to go was so hard.  I just felt like my stomach was in knots.  It is hard but it will also bring you guys closer.  I love my mother so much and being away from her made me appreciate and love her even more!  I know that this is hard but this is the time when God has you scooped up in his arms giving you a great big hug and wiping off your tears.  You are in my prayers!

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Tessa...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 11:00 PM UPDATE:  No word from Mason.  I have been assured by several people that it may be several days before we hear from him and that if something had happened to him that someone would have gotten in touch with us by now.  Even so, I can’t help but worry!  I have decided that a man is definitely in charge because if a woman were in charge then the first thing she would do when new recruits showed up at the base would be to make them call home so loved ones wouldn’t worry about them!!!

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marth...
Jun. 4, 2008 at 12:59 PM

Tessa,

The lack of information is the norm for the army as my sister tells it.  Navy too for that matter.  Please try not to worry, making yourself sick is not what you need right now.  The military wants all apron strings cut immediately.  I think they believe that they can't make a man if there is still an umbilical cord to his mom:)  I know my sister has had to wait and wait and wait sometimes for word from her boys (1 army, 1 navy)  I don't think it gets any better either from what she says.  Hang in there.  You and Mason are in my prayers.

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Tessa...
Jun. 4, 2008 at 2:04 PM Thank you!  I will try hard not to worry but it's not easy!  I appreciate your prayers (much more than you know).

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