As much as it hurts to have to say goodbye, not having the chance to hurts that much worse.

Mickey was the last of my four feline loves. I referred to them as my fab four. Mickey was more like a dog trapped in a cats body. He was one of the most intelligent cats we'd ever known. Mickey never really liked being held but he'd come up and sit on your lap. He loved to be given attention. He loved being petted. I pulled him out of his mom the day he was born. I played Midwife to this cat. He was born to Trixi but was raised by my Sidney.

After Brodie died back in February we noticed a steady decline in Mickey's health. At first my step dad and sister just wanted to believe that he was depressed over Brodie. Maybe he was to an extent, but he was also sick and I knew it because I know my cats. [Something about me, on a side note, I have had very strong almost "other worldly" bonds with MY animals.]

Mickey had never been a fat cat, but he was healthy. He was never skinny. Suddenly he became very skinny in a short amount of time. My sister started noticing piles of kitty-throw-up in the garage and back patio. His gums had become white. He stopped hanging out in his usual spots and started wanting to hide in dark corners instead. My sister and step dad took him to the vet. She said his white cell count was a little high but that he was fine and gave them an antibiotic. She claims to have ran all sorts of tests and charged my family $400 but we do not believe she ran all the tests she claimed to. Mickey was not fine. He had feline Luekemia. I knew what the symptoms were. I had a cat who had that disease when I was very young. I'm not an idiot. But I'm thinking that vet was. Not only did Mickey have feline leukemia, he was in the last stages of it. There was nothing anyone could do for him, but we could at least make sure he was comfortable in his last days. Nick & Jessica went to the pet store and bought him soft food since he wouldn't eat the hard food (we later came to find out that he also wouldn't eat the soft food either), a liter box, made him a make-shift bed and brought him inside.

I went over there Saturday night to say my last goodbye. I knew he wasn't going to get better even though I desperately wanted him to. He was skin and bones. He didn't have the strength to walk and could barely even lift his head. I held him. I told him how special he was. I told him he'd be okay as soon as he left his body. I told him Brodie & Sidney would be there to see him. I thanked him for coming into my life and told him I'd never ever forget him. And I cried. Hard. I knew I wouldn't see him on earth again.

Yesterday when I talked to Nick he said Mickey seemed a little more lively. Nick & Jessica thought he was going to recover. They thought maybe the vet was right and it was just an infection.

My phone was ringing early this morning. We usually ignore it in the morning because it's usually Sallie Mae or a bill collector on behalf of them. But it didn't stop. By the 3rd phone call Patrick got up and looked at it. It was the medicaid office wanting to add my unborn baby. When I hung up I looked at the caller ID. Jessica called at 7:30, my mom at 8:17. I knew right then what they were going to tell me because NO ONE  who knows me would dare to call me that early if it wasn't important.

I called my mom back because Jessica was at school. Nick was up with Mickey all night. He passed around 3am. The last hour was aweful. He was bleeding out of his body. Blood was coming out of his nose and through his legs. Nick tried to revive him. He did suffer in that last hour.

But he's gone now and now he's at peace. His funeral will be tomorrow in my parents backyard. His body is in the freezer in the back patio right now and Nick is building him a box.

Mickey is now with my others. And I can only hope they love me enough to wait for me and greet me when it's my turn.

Death is hard to deal with as it is. It hurts. It always hurts to lose someone you love, especially when it's a part of your family. But when it happens durring pregnancy and the hormones and emotions are as high as they are and you're extra emotional, it's worse. And when you have to go through it twice durring one pregnancy it's really not fun. I didn't expect to have to go through it again so soon after losing Brodie. I never stopped mourning him yet. But I know from experience that in time it will hurt less, however it will never stop hurting.

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 7:49 PM  So sorry. I know the pain of losing a pet. My kitty always checks in now and again. I will be sleeping and feel a heaviness at my feet. Sometimes even a vibration of an all too familiar purr. I hope you'll get these kind of signs as well. hugs!!! Glad he's out of pain now.

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Jun. 4, 2008 at 3:30 PM This entry made me tear up and I'm not  pregnant so I can't even begin to imagine how this is wreaking havoc on you...I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Jun. 8, 2008 at 2:33 PM

Oh, I am so terribly sorry to read this.  My thoughts go out to you.  I know, I've lost many of my "furry babies" in my life, but still keep getting more, even though I know I'm going to get sooooo attached and lose them someday.  I guess I just can't think about that. 

God bless you for taking good care of your babies and giving them a wonderful home.  Yes, you'll be with them again some day.  In the meantime, I'm sure they're with you every day!

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Jun. 23, 2008 at 10:35 PM I'm so sorry to read this. We went through the same thing last month. It's so hard to watch them go through that. At least he is at peace now.

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Jul. 10, 2008 at 12:38 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss!!! It's amazing how much we love out pets and only want the best for them. We recentally layed my grandmothers ashes to rest next to my grandfather.

Throughout her life she had many animals and loved them all. She had saved all their ashes, and just like her wish.... We placed all of her animals ashes in the urn with hers. That really made me happy to know the true friends she had in life were with her forever.

 I'm glad Mickey isn't in pain anymore, and that he was loved by someone like you.

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